Northern Man With Flat Cap And Whippet Says He Resents Social Stereotyping

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 25 August 2020

image for Northern Man With Flat Cap And Whippet Says He Resents Social Stereotyping
An action shot of Alf running through some water

A man has said he is furious that his appearance, mannerisms, clothing and pet dog have marked him out for social stereotyping by 'southerners'.

The man, Maurice Enscombe, who can regularly been seen out in the cobbled streets of Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, with his whippet, Seth, was speaking to the landlord of a local pub, The Cow Clap and Custard, at the weekend.

Clad in a dirty grey tweed-like jacket, flat cap, trousers tucked into once-white fisherman's socks, and wellington boots covered in mud and straw, Maurice, who has short arms and deep pockets, sipped at a half-pint of John Smith's, as he said:

"Ah dote liyke them suthen jesses pokin fun at me juscus ah've gorra whippet an' flat cap."

The landlord, Wilf Uppingshaw, who knows Maurice has short arms and deep pockets, agreed, saying:

"Ar, tha's reet."

Maurice is not alone in feeling a certain amount of resentment with regard to social stereotyping. Another man, Bert Umbridge, of Tadcaster, displayed a stern look topped off with a furrowed brow above huge, bushy out-of-control eyebrows, as he said in a brusque voice:

"Ar. Wir evrybitus goodus them London folks upeer int'North, so the can bluddy well skidaddle off back to weer the cum from!"

Then he shuffled out of the pub talking quietly to his sheepdog, Alf, saying:

"The think wir bluddy daft, lad."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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