Man Applies For Job, Stacking Shelves At Wegman's
A local man who claims he can't stand doing his current job any longer, has taken the extraordinary step of applying for a shelf-stacking position at Wegman's. The man, who is currently involved in 'imparting knowledge', says he cannot put up with...
Read full storyMissing Dog Flyer Goes Completely Ignored
When 8 year old Timmy Hutchins posted a flyer of his missing dog, a wiry-haired Border Terrier by the name of Bandit, he was filled with hope that his best friend would eventually return to him. Six weeks and three days later, the flyer that hangs fr...
Read full storyHalley's Comet Future Thrown Into Confusion
Halley's Comet, or Comet Halley as it is sometimes referred to, has been flying around the solar system every 76 years ever since astronomers could be bothered looking, but now a heated debate has sprung up in my own mind about the future of the come...
Read full storyConsumers Frustrated by Lack of Celebrity Chef-Branded Foods on Supermarket Shelves
Chicago - According to focus groups conducted by the Grocery Manufacturers Association in Chicago, supermarket consumers are most dissatisfied with the shortage of food products available that are endorsed by celebrity chefs like Emeril Lagasse, Wolf...
Read full storyRepublican Senators "Up Their Game", Literally Destroy AOC with "Really Cool Star Wars Posters"
Washington D.C. - Not to be outdone by their counterparts in the U.S. House of Representatives, who recently showed up at the Michael Cohen hearing with a poster reading "Liar Liar Pants on Fire", Republican Senators have once again proven that they...
Read full storyTrump Recognizes Jerusalem as Capital of Puerto Rico
Comtravening decades of American policy, President Donald Trump announced that the United States will recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Puerto Rico. "Just look at the palm trees and tell me these are not sister cities," said Trump. "I'm really...
Read full storyBritain's farmers happy to loan Mark Francois their shotguns
Many of Britain’s farmers came forward today to help out Conservative MP, Mark Francois, by offering the use of their own personal shotguns. The Tory Brexiteer, who has made his anti-Europe stance abundantly clear on several occasions, despite hav...
Read full storyManchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Sacked
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, the new Manchester United manager, whose position was only confirmed as permanent on Thursday, was sacked this morning. The Norwegian, 46, becomes the all-time record-breaking shortest-spell-in-charge-of-a-football-club recor...
Read full storyApril 1 Expected To Be Prankish
If you're one of those people who doesn't like being made fun of, or you don't enjoy having your leg pulled, you may want to be on your guard on Monday morning, as it's April Fools' Day! This April Fool's Day is expected to be every bit as foolish...
Read full storyThe untold facts on the opioid epidemic and the opioid-reversal drug Narcan, you should know
Opioids are a series of medications referred to as analgesia’s developed and prescribed to treat moderate to severe pain and have recently become one of the top medications to be abused following a viscous wave of overdoses in America, an epidemic if...
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