Man Applies For Job, Stacking Shelves At Wegman's

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 29 March 2019

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A local man who claims he can't stand doing his current job any longer, has taken the extraordinary step of applying for a shelf-stacking position at Wegman's.

The man, who is currently involved in 'imparting knowledge', says he cannot put up with the bullshit anymore, and is willing to trade the respectability and credibility his job confers on him from other members of society, for the daily grind of putting tins of things on shelves where there are gaps.

Ron Harris, 45, said:

"Compared to the kind of thing I'm currently having to put up with, replenishing displays would represent a welcome change. All the different products in differently-sized containers, in a multitude of colors, placing them correctly, in straight lines with perfect symmetry ... there's a certain amount of pleasure to be got from shelf-stacking, something that is sadly lacking in my current employ."

Harris believes the task of arranging merchandise in a neat, tidy, and eyecatching manner suits his aptitude and obsession for order and meticulousness, characteristics that will, no doubt, endear him to any right-minded supervisor of shelf-stackers.

He has even considered becoming part of the Trolley Retrieval Team, the workers who, in all weathers, bring the trolleys back from far-flung parts of the supermarket car park, after customers have transferred their purchases to their vehicles.

He said:

"I've noticed the tight-knit camaraderie between these teams of trolleymen, that is the opposite of the kind of relationship I experience when involved in my current occupation. It's this kind of 'belonging', this kind of focus, that I feel I need."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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