Britain's farmers happy to loan Mark Francois their shotguns

Funny story written by Jack Leonard

Friday, 29 March 2019

image for Britain's farmers happy to loan Mark Francois their shotguns

Many of Britain’s farmers came forward today to help out Conservative MP, Mark Francois, by offering the use of their own personal shotguns.

The Tory Brexiteer, who has made his anti-Europe stance abundantly clear on several occasions, despite having a suspiciously French name, told reporters on Thursday that he would not vote for Theresa May’s EU Withdrawal Agreement, “even if they put a shotgun in my mouth”. However, given that even the most pro-Brexit of economists has foretold absolute disaster for the farming industry if the UK crashes out with no deal, many who work in that sector apparently felt that this sentiment ought to be put to the test.

According to farmers’ representative, Pat Morgan, Francois should be given the opportunity to prove his dedication to the Brexit cause. “He’s been talking the talk for donkey’s years now,” said Morgan. “What with refusing to be bullied by a piece of German paper, and claiming that the TA had trained him not to lose on weekends, it’s time he put his money where his mouth is.”

When asked whether this constituted threatening behaviour, Morgan was quick to point out that neither he nor his fellow farmers wanted to harm anyone. “It’s more of a statement,” he added. “No matter how hard you think you are, it’s much trickier to play fast and loose with people’s lives when you’re staring down the wrong end of a double-barrel.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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