Missing Dog Flyer Goes Completely Ignored

Funny story written by Michael Sienicki

Friday, 29 March 2019

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When 8 year old Timmy Hutchins posted a flyer of his missing dog, a wiry-haired Border Terrier by the name of Bandit, he was filled with hope that his best friend would eventually return to him. Six weeks and three days later, the flyer that hangs from a utility pole next to the bus stop off 1st street has faded from weather and neglect. Despite the countless passersby and bus patrons, not a single pair of eyes have rested on the lovable and loyal pooch featured on the flyer.

We asked Cheryl Hanson, a regular at the bus stop, if she had seen the lonely poster hanging desperately from the utility pole.

“What poster?” she asked us; and when we pointed out the sad, sun stained flyer, she continued, “Oh wow, no shit. People still do that, huh?”

It was clear nobody at the bus stop had any remote concern about Timmy Hutchins' lost companion. Their eyes traveled all around during their wait for the bus, never once settling on the flyer pleading for help finding the Terrier, who at this point was likely a boiling carcass on the side of a distant road.

We reached out to the endearing little child who mounted the futile effort, and asked what inspired him to take on such a pointless and adorable task.

“Well, I love him!” he said with the cutest shrug of his shoulders. “He’s the best friend I ever had in the whole world.”

When faced with the scenario that his furry pal could be alone in an alleyway having his innards ripped out by rats, the precocious youngster wasn’t discouraged, “My brother feeds mice to his snake, and they always seem really nice. I don’t think a rat or mouse could hurt Bandit. I think they’d be friends.”

We asked Timmy, who bares a striking resemblance to the kid from Simon Birch, if he felt that he was to blame for irresponsibly leaving the front door open.

“Everybody makes mistakes. I make mistakes a lot, but Bandit always helps me feel better. That’s why I have to find him. I can’t give up on my best friend.”

When probed with more questions, Timmy declined, saying, “I gotta go, my mom will be steaming mad if I’m late for my chemo.”

Even though Timmy Hutchins had rolled away in his wheelchair, the flyer he posted to the utility pole remained, untouched and unseen. What started as a story of a boy and his dog, continues as a story of fleeting hope.

**We are obligated to thank Imagine Dragon Chinese Restaurant for supplying the catering to our interview with Timmy. Imagine Dragon: food so good, you’ll think it’s something else.**

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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