Scientists Still Looking for a Cure for Whatever It Is That Trump's Got
Science Town, USA "We knew it was going to be bad once we started looking into it" spoke a leading scientist at the most recent Science Convention. "Yes, but who would have thought it could be THIS bad--and it's spread to the whole family!" said...
Read full storyTrump Reveals He’s God, But is Then Told by Danish Prime Minister that He Still Can’t Buy Greenland
Washington - After revealing to the world on the White House lawn that he is actually the Most High, Son of Man, Chosen One, Savior of Israel, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, President Trump was told by the Danish Prime Minister, nevertheless, his d...
Read full storyTrump Threatens War with Denmark
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Donald Trump, looking to save face as the world laughed at him for trying to buy Greenland, threatened to declare war on Denmark yesterday. "Greenland is part of our Manifest Destiny. If Denmark doesn't want to sell us wha...
Read full storySinger Rewards Homeless Fans with Free Pizza
A half-dozen Taylor Knott-Swift fans slept on the street awaiting their chance to see their idol. They hadn't eaten in days and needed a bath. Since Taylor was “singing” in New York City, rather than in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or San Diego, her d...
Read full story“Harry Maguire Couldn’t Carry My Jock Strap:” Slim Everdingle
BILLINGSGATE POST: Urbane multi-culturist and bon-vivant, Slim Everdingle, jumped into the Harry Maguire fray with his spikes high, aimed at the groin area of Everyman’s loudmouth, Harry Maguire. Citing “Hobson’s choice” protocol, Everdingle ind...
Read full storyNew storm after Harry and Meghan hire Mexican band to announce their arrival wherever they go
Prince Harry and Meghan have attracted criticism after their decision to hire a Mexican brass band to introduce them wherever they go. The group, who belong to the well-renowned Academy of Tijuana Brass Bands for Announcing The Arrival Of Rich and Fa...
Read full storyAnxiety Found to Be Totally Badass Emotion
While some emotions have been shown to not take much initiative or even be downright lazy, anxiety has been found to be the hardest-working of all the emotional states - to the extend that some have described her as a total badass. "She's a real g...
Read full story9 secret ways to know if you really are the chosen one - you might be surprised!
With fictional characters and arch-villains, Donald Trump and Darth Vader claiming to both be the chosen one, we ask, could you be the chosen one? Did you have any of the following character traits? 1) A massive ego 2) One hand, or two very small...
Read full storyDemocrats watching Dave for inspiration
Democrats in Washington are watching the political documentary, Dave, starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver for ideas before the next election. Brick Outhouse, a spokesman said 'We said we needed a good comedy to cheer ourselves up, and someon...
Read full story16 year old fears jumping up and down today
Sam Jones, a sixteen-year-old schoolboy is collecting his G.C.S.E results today, and although he is expected to get good grades, he is more scared of having to repeatedly jump and down for a photographer from the local newspaper The Chutney on the Fr...
Read full storyRomney To Challenge Trump in Presidential Primary
Salt Lake City, UT - United States Senator Mitt Romney has agreed to take on Donald Trump for the Republican nomination for President. "It's time for a run," announced Romney in a midnight tweet. "And I'm not talking about a quick jog around the...
Read full storyPaul Pogba Misses Another Penalty
Paul Pogba, the Manchester United star who, after his penalty miss at Wolves the other night, was subjected to a hail of racist comments from people calling themselves United 'fans', has now become the subject of intense media speculation which is cl...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Is Going To Smash Prince Andrew's Face In, If He Sees Him
As the Jeffrey Epstein paedophile case rages on, even after the mysterious death of the former financier, Manchester United defender Harry Maguire Is rumoured to have said that he is so disgusted with Epstein's former friend, Prince Andrew, that he i...
Read full storyMan's Blind Date Had Heart Of Gold, But Face Of Pig
A blind date can so often go wrong, and so it was for one man at the weekend when his date turned out to be a girl with a heart of gold, but a face like a welder's bench. Reece Baggins, 24, organized the meet through a friend, who said Sylvia was...
Read full storyHomeless Problem Solved! Soros Buys Deserted Island
Los Angeles, CA. Multi-billionaire George Soros, financier of leftist causes, has surprised his far right critics by purchasing an island to rid Los Angeles of 40,000 homeless residents who've been camping under freeway overpasses and in the Los Ange...
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