Man's Blind Date Had Heart Of Gold, But Face Of Pig

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 22 August 2019

image for Man's Blind Date Had Heart Of Gold, But Face Of Pig
Reece isn't much to look at, either

A blind date can so often go wrong, and so it was for one man at the weekend when his date turned out to be a girl with a heart of gold, but a face like a welder's bench.

Reece Baggins, 24, organized the meet through a friend, who said Sylvia was "a lovely girl who would do anything for anybody". Reece, who has never had a girlfriend, saw this as an opportunity too good to miss.

The 'friend' acted as a go-between, and the pair met for a drink at an Italian bistro.

From the very start, failure was on the horizon, and approaching the shore, in a speedboat.

Sylvia started by complimenting Reece on his appearance, even though he was so scruffy, he looked like he'd arrived in the clothes he'd slept in the night before.

Despite this comment, which Reece knew to be one designed to put him at ease, he thought to himself:

"This woman looks as if she's been 15 rounds with Mike Tyson."

They ate their meals, and drank some wine, and chatted as they did. Reece found her rather witty, and knowledgeable. Sylvia told him he was intelligent, but then Reece looked up, and saw her face, thinking:

"Yikes! The face of a bulldog licking piss off a nettle."

Then, disaster struck! Reece, being a traditionalist, insisted upon paying for the meal, but, on reaching for his wallet, remembered it was in his other jacket. Not to worry, said Sylvia; she'd pay.

Embarrassed, but not much, Reece helped Sylvia into her coat, and called for a cab to take her home. She thanked him for a wonderful evening, and said she'd call him the next day. She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, and Reece thought to himself:

"Her mug looks like someone has set it on fire, then put it out with a shovel."

This morning, at work, the ungrateful Reece ran into his mate who had arranged the date, said he'd had a great time, and lied that he'd love to meet Sylvia again. His mate said:

"I dunno, Reece. She says you're a dull, scruffy cheapskate whose face looks like the surface of the Moon."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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