Salt Lake City, UT - United States Senator Mitt Romney has agreed to take on Donald Trump for the Republican nomination for President.
"It's time for a run," announced Romney in a midnight tweet. "And I'm not talking about a quick jog around the corner. More details to come."
A few Republicans quickly moved to endorse the primary challenge. Former White House Press Secretary Anthony Scaramucci tweeted, "Mitt, a Scaramucci kiss for you. Ten times over. Like I love you right now."
Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who was mulling a run himself, tweeted, "Just coming off a six day hike along two beautiful curvaceous Argentinian mountains. She's got me very distracted. Sanford out, Mitt in!"
Sources close to Romney say he was mulling a run for hours before his tweet. Romney ran for President in 2012, losing to President Barack Obama.
"Let's face it," said one close source. "There are now two Americas. America for the white privileged, and America for everyone else. There's no one better than Mitt Romney to represent everyone else. The Divided States of America no more."
But the Romney team denies the tweet referred to anything more than a new exercise routine. "He's been doing Crossfit with former Speaker Ryan ever since Ryan quit. That's the extent of it."
Trump tweeted minutes after the announcement. "Fake news! White supremacists will never go for this. Our new Jewish friends won't support a Mormon either, and he can't spot Greenland on a map. Not born here. Is Utah a real state?"
Minutes later, Trump tweeted again, seemingly unhinged. "Kim would eat him alive. Vladimir, are you listening? Bad man!"
For more on Romney's run, contact Mike_Peril@aol.com.