Singer Rewards Homeless Fans with Free Pizza

Written by Gee Pee

Thursday, 22 August 2019

image for Singer Rewards Homeless Fans with Free Pizza
Become a fan (and homeless) and get a FREE slice of pizza!

A half-dozen Taylor Knott-Swift fans slept on the street awaiting their chance to see their idol. They hadn't eaten in days and needed a bath. Since Taylor was “singing” in New York City, rather than in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or San Diego, her devotees also lacked toilet facilities, as New York City does not permit people to poop or pee in the streets, as California's cities do.

“They just have to hold it,” Mayor Bloombum said.

The six fans, like most of the singer's other followers, are homeless, which explains “their filth, stench, rags, and misery,” Taylor said.

To “reward” the human derelicts, Taylor's father, Scott Knott-Smith, handed out pizza he'd retrieved from a Dumpster for the occasion. He also gave the bums used guitar picks, reminding them, “Pizza is not a finger food.”

The gesture set Twitter all atwitter, as any such event invariably does, and, Taylor observed, “it was good publicity.”

The singer, who, at age 29, is no longer just a teen idol (or, for that matter, just another pretty face), said she is “thankful” for the “wretched refuse” of other nations that have streamed across the border to land on “our teeming shores.” Most of them, she said, are her fans, which is one reason she believes in “open borders.”

And free pizza.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more