Son Of A Sundances With Wolves In Sheep's Clothing: Festival Dispatches Part 2
PARK CITY, UTAH - Sure it's cold and snowy and everything else that harsh winters in this end of the yard hope to offer the otherwise weary moviegoer. But still, you can't beat the heat of the cinematic competition, gearing up all over this burg in anticipation of what everyone associate with each and every film is like, for sure, banking on. Namely, an enthusiastic first night reception, pos...
Read full storyCannibal tribe discovered in Wales
Details were today released about a tribe of cannibals recently discovered in the Welsh Valleys. It today emerged that the Welsh assembly have been dithering over what action to take for almost a week. A spokesman said: "We recently received repor...
Read full storyRoad Traffic Authority to Borrow from Buddhism to Save Lives
The British Road Authority is worried about the deaths that still occur on Britain's Roads, and has scanned the world for ways to reduce it further without stopping people driving all together. They have found the solution in the East. King's Lynn...
Read full storyCamilla: I Will End Ms. Kate Middleton's Game!
Prince Charles upset wife, Camilla, has allowed her tongue to begin wagging and so far, no one, not even the Queen, can shut it up! "Oh I'm aware of little Miss Middleton's schemes to be the next Queen of England", Camilla has been quoted by a pa...
Read full storyJo Yeates Murder: Police still baffled
Police today confirmed they have arrested a 32 year old man from the same building as the one at the centre of the Jo Yeates case. Avon and Somerset officers are remaining tight lipped about any further information about the suspect, but my sources i...
Read full storyTransfer Window in a Nutshell
A round up of this January's transfer window so far. - Manchester City's rich owners discovered they had another off-shore oil rink in business, and decided to spend their loose change on some German guy called Dzeko. Who's injured. -Great big...
Read full storyFuture News: Extraorbital Borders Closed
(published 2063) BASE A113 - Base A113, the head of Xeno-Earth Immigration has closed all borders to the Marble Planet. Base A113, which is in geostationary orbit above Obama, D.C., has allowed a liberal xeno-immigration policy, however, the non-...
Read full storySpoof Writers to hold Street Party to Celebrate Royal Wedding
Some Spoof writers will be holding a street party to celebrate the upcoming Royal Wedding. The street has not yet been chosen as no-one has discovered on which street the offices of The Spoof ARE. It has been suggested, therefore, that on THE day, Spoofers around the world will sit at their desktops, laptops or wherever they write, at a designated time. They must be watching the Royal Weddi...
Read full storyTea Party Members Stunned At Loss Of Health Care
It's not surprising that many Americans woke up this morning shocked and dismayed to find out their health care had been taken away from them last night by the Republican-controlled House of Representatives. What is surprising is that many of them ar...
Read full storyFuture News: Fusion Power Not Producing Enough Energy
(Published 2098) - LONDONIA - After JET in the early 2020s finally achieved nuclear fusion, several other generators across the world have sprung up. However, these plants, once thought to be able to run forever, and power the world no matter what...
Read full storyRachel Nickell forensics team hold all the aces in Jo Yeates case
Bristol - (Reuterus): Did something in Robert Napper's DNA trigger alarm bells among Bristol Police saliva swabbers? "It's true, we've had a massive breakthrough," a senior genetics sleuth confirmed today. "That's the beauty of DNA, it shows yo...
Read full storyTom Jones Explodes
Unbelievable news just in, Tom Jones was doing a farewell gig in Aberystwyth (near Wigan) for an old pal who'd died. He'd been in the area for a while doing a documentary about Leeks and found out the news about his dead friend through a mutual ga...
Read full storyJohn Kennedy's Murderer Revealed in Tapes Made by Jackie Onassis says Caroline Kennedy
Caroline Kennedy says that she has come into a collection of tapes made by Jackie Kennedy Onassis in which Jackie thought she knew the murderer of her husband, President John F. Kennedy, back in 1963. A spokesman for Caroline says that, although...
Read full storySuBo fanatics plan birthday surprise!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies are today making plans for their SuBo 50th birthday surprise. It is expected that around 500 fanatics (mostly American - well OK, ALL American!) will descend on SuBo's hometown of Blackburn on her b...
Read full storyFuture News: Adolecent Homelessness Reaches All Time High
(Published 2014) - LONDON URBEM - A new report has found out that nearly 8 in 10 young people are homeless. The report found out that the unexpected spike was caused by the EMA cuts and tuition fee rises in the early part of this decade, enacted b...
Read full storyMichelle's Mother: Obama Has Running Off of the Bowels, not Aids!
Michelle Obama's mother, Marion Robinson, told reporters in Washington DC today that the reason her son-in-law President Barack Obama is so thin is that he has had "running off of the bowels" ever since the family made their vacation to Hawaii. "I...
Read full storyInflation hits UK after Darren Bent transfer
Inflation has reached a record high in the UK following the £24 million transfer of Darren Bent to Aston Villa. Ever since the transfer, inflation has soared with Darren Bent's transfer causing UK goods and services to treble in price. The Bank...
Read full storyVenus does a Serena and flashes her bum in Aussie!
Last year in Australia Serena Williams got all mens (non-gay) hearts racing by flashing her very muscular buttocks underneath her flesh-coloured panties. In fact Jaggedone reported on this "flashy" story, which caused over 80's male tennis fans to...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Premiers With New Judges Steven "Lips" Tyler and Jennifer "Tush" Lopez
JERSEY CITY, New Jersey - The 10th season of American Idol kicked off with two brand new judges, Aerosmith's lead singer Steven "Lips" Tyler and the triple threat singer, actress, dancer, Jennifer "Tush" Lopez, aka J. "Tush" Lo or simply J.Lo for sho...
Read full storyA Brief Dictionary of Maris' World
Excuse me for my forwardness but I must admit that I am not so good at the speaking of the language of the world. My dear fwends, I will make try to explain my comings in this space. I pronounce the dictionary to be open and welcome you to read at the leisure you much enjoy. ************************** Maris Padowal = The name I was borned with in goat stable next to shed. Family = P...
Read full storyLondon Olympics 2012 is a lie claims world head of athletics!
The world head of athletics, Lamine Diack, has called the London 2012 Olympics a lie because the Brits are pretty good at it, not athletics that is. The Olympic stadium is to be converted into a 'footy" stadium after the event and the British Olym...
Read full storyThe Television Arrives in Slubal
Many sheep were sacrificed in honour of the opening of the countries first the television station in Slubal earlier today. Mayor of Slubal, Papa Benadu, made a speech in which he welcomed Slubal into the 20th century. As electricity has not yet...
Read full storyEd Balls now Shadow Chancellor, everyone's a winner tonight
The Cameroons and their lobby fodder are walking round with wide grins. Our Glorious Ex Leader, Gordon is laughing his arse off. Labour MP's await the Ozzie v Balls battle of intellect and cross floor insults. The decision to make Ed Balls, Shadow...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner says "I would love to play Justin Bieber in a biopic of his life"
Yesterday I caught up with the twilight wolf- hunk Taylor Lautner, asking him what role he'd love to play next. The 18 year old hottie shocked us all with his reply: "I've always wanted to play Justin Bieber, I love that kid!" Well Taylor, we hadn't a clue! He added "If they ever made a film about his life, It would be phenomenal for me too play him." After asking him why he it's su...
Read full storyBaroness Warsi has a problem being a Muslim!
The first Muslim woman to serve in a parliament cabinet just happens to be a Baroness too and she is having several issues about her religion. She feels that Muslim discrimination in the UK has become normal? Answer: After the events of 9/11, Madrid bombings, 07/07, etc, is it a wonder! She feels that being a Baroness and a Muslim has problems? Answer: So does the rest of the UK especi...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Before They Had Cheerleaders
Early days for the Dallas Cowboys were similar in won-loss records much like this years. In other words, it took awhile for Tom Landry to build the team and in those early days, there were no Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders that have since help make the t...
Read full storyGlitter in pole-position to land Vanilla job
Ski Sources can exclusively reveal today that Gary Glitter is the latest bookie's favourite to succeed Houligan at brummy-based outfit, Aston Vanilla. Flop Houligan, has been exposed to the media recently and controversy occurred after a training...
Read full storyJustin Bieber: My Dad is Brad Pitt
Singer Justin Bieber startled his audience last night by telling them live on-stage that his real father is Brad Pitt. "I don't know if he will admit it or not, but actor Brad Pitt is my dad, according to my grandmother." Justin stated that h...
Read full storyA good head of hair and little else
James May is refusing to wash or have his hair cut for fear of disturbing a pair of rare green Vietnamese three toed beetles nesting therein. Presumably caught during his last visit to the country, for reasons he refuses to discuss. The presenter...
Read full storyJo Yeates Murder: Man Arrested After Confession
Police investigating the murder of Jo Yeates in Bristol have arrested a 32-year-old man after receiving evidence from eyewitnesses who said that he had confessed to friends that he liked eating mozzarella, tomato and pesto pizza from Tesco. The ma...
Read full storyBlair in the Pulpit
With Tony Blair preparing to face new difficult questions about the Iraq War he has been preparing his explanations for the troubled nation. 'God, as we know, works in mysterious ways' he writes in his leaked message for his deliverance tomorrow (...
Read full storyYet another Jo Yeates neighbour is alleged suspect
Bristol - (Whodunnit News): Police won't reveal if Dutch architect Vincent Tabak's back yard will now be excavated for that missing sock. It remains a mystery along with the whereabouts of Jo's TV dinner whose non-show continues to baffle murder c...
Read full storyDaily Mail Slams Government!
Surely nothing could be more shocking to the Tory faithful than seeing the 'Daily Mail' lambasting them for standing aside as Goldman Sachs pay £9.3 million in bonuses to staff whilst slashing their contribution to charities by £110 million. That...
Read full storyWalmart to Offer Funeral Home Services
Special to INS - Beginning next week, Walmart will offer funeral home services at 225 of its Supercenters. The Walmart slogan, "Save money. Live better," will be altered at these locations to "Save money. Die stiffer." Its motto "Always Low Price...
Read full storyShiite Muslims admit 'we could do better'
The Muslim community the world over are starting to disown their Shiite brothers because they simply aren't trying hard enough according to many Imams. Imam Mohat Macoat said 'I is sick of taking the flack for these lazy so called Muslims, in it.
Read full storySherlock Holmes & The Mystery Of The Queen's Knickers blackballed
Bromyard, Herefordshire - (Ass Biz): A play about the legendary sleuth's foragings in royal underwear has been banned to spare HM's blushes. The opening night of The Furtive (sic) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and the Strange Case of the Queen's K...
Read full storyPortable Music Carrier - It's Witchcraft
Until just a few years ago music lovers always faced the same predicament when leaving their homes. How can I listen to my music on the go? Well fret no longer. Apparently there is now a gadget that allows you to put one of your CD's in and play...
Read full storyJo Yeates Murder: Man, 32, Arrested
Detectives investigating the murder of 25 year old architect, Jo Yeates, have today arrested a 32 year old man in connection with her disappearance. In a brief press conference, police spoke only to confirm the suspect was local, 32 and a man. How...
Read full storyState of the Union Address: Love Seats & Hot Tubs!
When Senators Coburn and Schumer announced a few days ago they would sit together at the State of the Union Address, it drew a vast media response. Other Senators and Congressman have since rushed to get their share of cable news and each duo trying...
Read full storyTaoiseach acts after 5 resignations
Taoiseach Brian Cowen has reacted with speed and dynamism following the shock resignations of five ministers in the Irish Government. Cowen, who recently won the Irish TV show 'Brian's Got Talent' in which people called Brian had to display talent...
Read full storyTwitter to have Bull Shit detector fitted
Following on from quite a few recent misleading viral tweets, it has been decided that some form of filtering system should be put in place to stop alarming and untrue stories from spreading like wildfire and causing potential public harm, mainly due...
Read full storySpy Marriage Partners
SPECIAL INVESTIGATION - TOP SECRET - Young people drafted into MI5 and MI6 found placements in dissident groups of environmentalists and other far out organisations where a new world never dreamt of before, existed difficult. People were free and...
Read full storyMI6 cryptographer-style holdall factored into Jo murder case
Bristol - (Rest-in-Pizza): Police have said a large holdall or suitcase may be involved in the Jo Yeates murder case. Whether the killer - or killers - got the idea from recent news coverage of the Gareth Williams spy-in-the-bag murder case is not...
Read full storyChristian couple to sue gay couple
Hezekiah and Deborah Bookbasher from Taunton decided to go for a weekend break at a guest house in the Lake District. The Bookbashers who have been married for 25 years wanted to make this weekend very special because it was the anniversary of their...
Read full storyRussell Brand did NOT shag Jonathan Ross's daughter. Shock claim.
The world of celebrity stuff and things is moderately reeling today from the announcement that there is allegedly at least one bird on the planet that pneumatic tadger wielding Brand hasn't bedded, apart from his own relatives that is. Following o...
Read full storySachs telephones Ross about lezzer daughter
Jonathan Ross is hopping mad apparently after Andrew Sachs ripped the shit out of him for having a lezzer as a daughter. 'Ripped the shit' has been revealed to be an English colloquialism for taking the piss. As soon as news broke regarding Jo...
Read full storyGay woman reveals 'Wossy' shame
A gay woman from London today revealed her shame on national radio. "I can confirm that Jonathon Ross is my dad", said the woman. "This has been something of a family secret but we all agreed that if anyone ever asked, we would answer honestly.
Read full storySarkozy Gaffe Evidence Of Real French Thinking
Nicolas Sarkozy's verbal "slip" when he referred to Alsace as Germany is evidence of the real thinking among France's political elite, says an expert on European politics and history. Addressing a group of farmers he said he wasn't stressing the i...
Read full storyHe's Not Under the Influence, Officer! He's Just Being Fabio!
SANTA MONICA, CA - Jud "Fabio" Birza, the winner of Survivor Season 21 in Nicaragua, was arrested Wednesday afternoon on suspicion of being under the influence of a controlled substance. Mr. Birza took home the $1,000,000 prize last December on CB...
Read full storySundances With Wolves In Sheep's Clothing: Festival Dispatches Part 1
PARK CITY, UTAH - Every year Robert Redford's legendary Sundance Film Festival showcases more and more indi-films that are top-heavy with A-list talent. Each of which seems ultra-anxious to make more than just the usual splash, as they collectively hit the sometimes slippery slopes of critical opinion. And, by doing so, insure that they'll get a quality, hipper than thou seal of approval, head st...
Read full storySelena Gomez and Justin Bieber Visit Demi Lovato At The Henry And Betty Ford Rehab Clinic
LOS ANGELES - Teen singing sensations Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber visited fellow singing idol Demi Lovato at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in El Lay (L.A.). Gomez told a reporter for the Bedroom Pillow Talk news program that her and Jus...
Read full storyCost of UK Living Price Forecast
Penny Banks, our Spoof Gazette Financial Correspondent has been looking at the cost of living in the UK - Comparing the actual cost of products in 1951 compared to 2011, and then assessing the difference % between those years, she forecasts what these items will cost (if still available at all) in 2071. With some scary results - especially for the youngsters of today. Let's face it, would th...
Read full storySarah Palin and Kate Gosselin To Appear On "The Vampire Diaries"
HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that Sarah Palin (SaPa) and Kate Gosselin (KatGo) have been signed to appear in an upcoming episode of The Vampire Diaries. The shows producer Manolo Middlezuck has stated that Sarah Palin agr...
Read full storyOne Man's Quest for Fame and Glory
A skeleton found in Australia's Simpson desert is believed to be that of intrepid explorer Earnest Potter . Earnest was last seen in January 12th 1894 as he led an expeditionary force into Australia's Northern Territory in search of a fabled gold reef. The map of where to find the gold had been sold to Mr. Potter by a Lewis Lasseter whom he met in a pub in Sydney. Lasseter swore on a stack of bibl...
Read full storyPaz de la Huerta wins La Borracha Award For Most Drunk Celebrity at the Golden Globes!
Paz de la Huerta, who plays constantly nude slutbag Lucy Danziger on HBO's "Boardwalk Empire: What We Replaced The Sopranos With" won the La Borracha* Award for most drunk celebrity at the Golden Globes! Did you know... That if you write a story b...
Read full storyUS Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords Recovery Exclusive
The woman who "should be dead", Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, continues to recover, and is to be moved to a rehabilitation centre, according to her family. Ms Giffords was shot over the left eye in a mass shooting in Arizona last week. Barr...
Read full storyHouse Republicans Pursue, Launch Frenzied Attack On Health Care Bill
Washington D.C. - As President Barack Obama presided over a dignified state visit by Chinese President Hu Jintao at the White House, House Republicans over at the Capitol Building today showed an unusually high degree of blood lust as they went for t...
Read full storyCheney's Health Care Costs Top $1 Billion As He Calls Healthcare Reform A Big Mistake
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, kept alive for the last two decades by government-run health care at a taxpayer expense of over one billion dollars, said yesterday that "trying to give health care to all Americans was President Obama's biggest mis...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Talk To The Dalai Lama
A dreadful fate seems to have befallen Twilight movie stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, writes Andy Marvel, Celebrity Metaphysics Correspondent. The toothsome twosome have been on the crest of a celebrity wave ever since the movie franch...
Read full storyTeenage Fan Contacts Idol Justin Bieber by Mistake
Fourteen year old Alicia Maulder, a big fan of singer Justin Bieber, got the surprise of her life when she accidentally sent a girlfriend an e-mail Wednesday but missed a number by one digit and got her heart throb himself, Justin Bieber, by mistake. We sent a reporter over and by the time he got there, there must have been a dozen teenage girls at the place. Apparently a local newspaper had a...
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