Written by Jack Melling

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Inflation has reached a record high in the UK following the £24 million transfer of Darren Bent to Aston Villa.

Ever since the transfer, inflation has soared with Darren Bent's transfer causing UK goods and services to treble in price.

The Bank of England is facing calls to raise interest rates in light of the inflation increase but has remained defiant. It believes Aston Villa couldn't have paid that much for someone worth barely £8 million.

Following the Darren Bent transfer, retail giants have trebled the price of its UK products.

A spokesperson for one retail giant said, "If Darren Bent is worth £24 million then we're raising the price of our UK goods by at least 33.3 per cent. We obviously hate to raise the price of goods, but Darren Bent's transfer has led to many retailers reassessing their finances."

As a result Cadbury have immediately raised the price of Fredo chocolate bars to nearly a pound.

However, defiant consumers have vowed to buy cheaper foreign produce, notably ones from the Netherlands. One product range called The Van der Vaart is one third cheaper than UK products, but also far better quality.

It has also been revealed that Prime Minister David Cameron will shift blame for the double-dip recession away from his government and onto Darren Bent.

He says, "This is a ludicrous transfer that will ultimately lead Britain into recession again. I blame Darren Bent, Aston Villa and Sunderland for being involved and allowing this extortionate fee to be paid. I hope they're all happy when the Coalition government saves the day by making more cuts."

However, one consumer watchdog has painted a more positive picture of the situation with the following statement:

"At least Shaun Wright-Phillips didn't go for £24 million. If he did, then we'd all be carrying our money in wheelbarrows by now."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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