Jo Yeates: Suspect Sent Up The River
Statements released to the press today confirmed that Jo Yeates suspect Vincent "the jackal" Tabak has been moved from HMP Hoarefield, "up the river" to HMP Gloucster. The Home Office today issued a brief press release: "The suspect in questio...Read full story
Pensioners Avian Ordeal
A grandma of 32, Muriel Grover of Reading, has made a formal complaint to her local Bobbies and bird protection group about a woodpecker that has been stalking her. The bird-dubbed the flapping fury by Mrs Grovers neighbors- has been following the...Read full story
Susan Boyle gets new pussy
Susan Boyle got a new pussy at the weekend. Apparently Pebbles is getting on a bit now and isn't as playful anymore so Susan went shopping for a wee friend for Pebbles and a livlier, younger pussy for herself. As some of the Subo fanatics were ca...Read full story
Barking mad dog attempting to escape the human race is saved floating on an iceberg, woof, woof!
Last year a Baltic stray doggy who had had enough of the human race attempted to escape from them by jumping into the freezing Baltic Sea, catching a passing, freezing iceberg and hoped to reach sparsely populated, Lapland. The "barking mad" doggy...Read full story
Don't Cry For Me Chicagoland: Rahm The Mon's Mayoral Bandwagon Leaves The Building, And Heads For The Farther Sun and Way Out There West Coast
HOLLYWOOD - Have no fear Mr. and Mrs. Concerned Chicagoland Citizen, and greater Cook County lost ships at sea. Even though, your erstwhile, almost, but not quite, fearless leader, Rahm Emanuel's bid for the top dog, Chi-Town mayoral prize has apparently met with a major it-can bump in the road, due to his untimely failure to satisfy certain have to be there residency requirements, the longti...Read full story
President Obama Apologizes To Italy For Hosting Season 4 Of Minstrel Show 'Jersey Shore'.
President Obama snuck an interesting bit of international preemptive fence-mending State of the Union address last night: "And we hope that the good relationship we've had with post-Mussolini Italy will continue, even after they host season 4 of J...Read full story
Phone Hacking Scandal
'Significant new information' is persuading the Police to look again into the allegations of phone hacking by the News of the World. Former adviser to Tony Blair, Alistair Campbell is certain his phone was hacked. Adding this to Brown and Prescott...Read full story
Hawaii Governor Joins Birthers: No Evidence Obama Exists In Time Or Space
Hawaii Governor, Neil Abercrombie, admitted to a reporter that he can find no evidence of Barack Obama's birth certificate in any of the State's archives. Although he claims he personally met "Barry" when the boy was around six years old, he now bel...Read full story
Oprah Winfrey's Relatives Are Now Starting To Come Out of The Woodwork!
CHICAGO - Since announcing on her show that she had a half-sister that she did not know she had, Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of Talk Shows and one of the richest women in the world has just announced that she has now had more 'unknown' relatives come fo...Read full story
Mike and Gina swap with Steve and Zoe whilst Charles looks on.
Dramatic developments reported from the offices of hardware company Hammer And Tongs in Kidderminster - Mike and Gina swapped desks with Steve and Zoe whilst a bewildered Charles could only look on in blissful ignorance. A source said that Mike an...Read full story
Downing Street ratcatcher wants to probe Sam Cam pussy
London - (Sinking Ship News): Is the seat of government really overrun with vermin spoonfeeding yet more deception to a gullible British public? Today's arrival of a pest control operative saw Downing Street officials' relief at the prospect of tr...Read full story
Piers Morgan Calls Up Andy Gray And Asks Him To Be The Announcer On His New "Piers Morgan Tonight" Talk Show
NEW YORK CITY - Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that Andrew Mullen Gray, the Sky Sports football pundit who was recently fired for making some inappropriate off-color remarks regarding a female English football referee's assistant has been asked t...Read full story
Pentagon's spy-in-the-sky satellite footage 'can exonerate Jo accused Vincent Tabak'
Bristol - (Pie-in-the-Sky): A non-Wikileaks source revealed today police frustration at subpoena attempts of vital aerial footage stored in the International Space Station's asteroid-proof archive. Such surveillance data could provide vital alibis...Read full story
I Quit Cameron
I never thought David Cameron would take my advice and stop being a public school bully but he has! I've put in my resignation as his Director of Communications with immediate effect and I'm considering an offer from the two Ed's to help them out. With Labour ahead of the Tories now and bound to go further ahead during the year it might be useful to gauge the Opposition so I have drawn up this...Read full story
Discarded Draft of Indian President's Republic Day Speech Leaked on Wikileaks
The first draft of the Republic Day address allegedly sent to her Excellency has reportedly been posted on wikileaks. The alleged text is below. Mindry.in cannot attest to the authenticity of this document only to its hilarity. The final draft bears little resemblance to the first draft below. Dear Citizens, I ask of you these questions as the inheritors of the legacy of all those who lived...Read full story
It's Moving Time: "The Jersey Shore" Is Relocating To Venice, Italy - "The View" Is Moving To Baghdad, Iraq
NEW YORK CITY - It is now official executives of the highly popular show The Jersey Shore have just announced that the cast and crew is moving to Venice, Italy. The Shows producer Vinnie Vincent Bellavista stated that he decided to move the show a...Read full story
Cameron keeping close eye on Egypt riots situation
Several people were reported killed yesterday as 20,000 protesters marched across Egypt's capital Cairo. Police fired water cannons and tear gas into the crowds as the protesters hurled back bottles and stones in one of the country's biggest ev...Read full story
Colonel Gadaffi offers free holidays to would-be rioters
The current tension in North Africa has prompted the Libyan leader Colonel Gadaffi to offer would-be rioters holidays funded by the state. Anti-government demonstrations in 2 of Libya's immediate neighbours - Tunisia to the west, where the preside...Read full story
'UFO behind Kaczynski plane crash' seen menacing Moscow Airport days before terror attack
Moscow - (Pie-in-the-Sky): The craft was first seen in Russian airspace at the April 2010 downing of a Tupolev Tu-154 that claimed the lives of the Polish president and his entourage. Last week's reports of its Moscow fly-past were hurriedly withd...Read full story
Benefit Cheats Are Taking Us To The Cleaners!
Headlines in the UK's "exploding head" press this morning proclaimed the latest scandal that proves we're going to Hell in a handcart. Of all the people claiming sickness benefit, 75 per cent are skiving, screamed the Daily Express. "Benefit ch...Read full story
"Huh?" GOP Reaction to State of the Union Speech
As the news media rushed to get reaction to last night's State of the Union speech, it appears that the GOP caucus is in a state of confusion. The predominate reaction among caucus members, particularly the new Tea Party members was, "Huh?" The re...Read full story
David Cameron to cut "friends with benefits" under welfare reforms
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that the Coalition government plans to deal with the welfare state by cutting friends with benefits. The scheme entitled "No more benefits for friends" will not allow friends of different genders to add a...Read full story
Gray loses Keys in Sky Sports car-park.
On an emotional day for Gray, after being prematurely sacked due to alleged 'sexist-remarks,' following on from 'fart-gate,' things when from bad to worse for this full-time pie eating Scottish international. An aggressive Gray fled to the Sky Spo...Read full story
'Randy Andy' Gray Moves On: Signs $3.5m Deal with Al-Jazeera to Cover World Cup!
A smug Andy Gray, fired from Sky News and deprived of his lucrative salary, wasted no time in moving his career forward as he signed a new deal with Al-Jazerra after the Qatar based media company inked its own deal with FIFA to cover the 2018 & 2...Read full story
BBC World Service to Save Hunt
The BBC World Service radio is to be cut by 25% in a measure that will please Culture Vulture T. H. E. Hunt. 'For too long this service has been undermining British interests throughout the world it is time for Sky to take over' Hunt announced 'th...Read full story
MI6 and CIA Merge under Blair
In an effort to 'cleanse the world of subversion' America's CIA and Britain's MI6 are merging to establish a world authority with Tony Blair as life President. First on its list of 'problems to solve' is the Israel/Palestinian conflict. Chile has...Read full story
Marazion Could Become Gay Capital of Cornwall
Following the recent court case involving the Christian couple who have been found guilty of discrimination against the gay community, the B&B has been inundated with requests from gay partners in civil partnerships, demanding that they have a ro...Read full story
Andy Gray Fall-Out - "Evidence" Of More Sky Staff Lewdness
Staff at Sky Sports are minding their p's and q's today following yesterday's sacking of football frontman, Andy Gray. Gray got the push after off-air comments about a female assistant referee at the weekend and a video emerged of him acting lewdl...Read full story
The Super Bowl Committee For Commercial Decency Rejects The Most Explicit Viagra Commercial Ever Filmed
NEW YORK CITY - Word coming out of Madison Avenue is that there is one commercial that will certainly not be appearing on this years Super Bowl XLV. Huntley Huxley, the president of The Super Bowl Committee For Commercial Decency said that his 12-...Read full story
Monkey bites people; complains of taste
Japan - A monkey that escaped from the zoo in Tokyo, Japan and bit over a hundred people, stated in an interview that everyone he bit tasted just awful. "Hey, I've tasted a lot of people in my time, but the people in Tokyo have a terrible after...Read full story
New York City is the Greenest Place in the US. Take That, Bono.
The flipside of living in the NYC suburb of, say, Keyport, NJ and commuting to the city is the pollution output of about 75 zillion extreme commuters, who spend more than three hours a day in transit. Automobile exhaust in the US contributes roughly 1.9 billion tons a year to the global carbon cloud, more than the emissions of India, Japan, or Russia. Even worse are the 40 million lawn mowe...Read full story
An Inconvenient Counterargument. Part One.
"Did you poop?" "No," my daughter answered. Over her left shoulder I could see a pile of brownish baby exhaust creating a costly stain on an (once) off-white glider in her bedroom. "Isn't that poop, Miel?" "Yeah," she answered, scanning my face for a reaction. One last try: "Miel, did you poop?" A moment to think, then a brilliant response: Pointing to her diaper, she looked dead in...Read full story
Obama: Electric Cars Will End Pollution, Because Generating Electricity Doesn't Create Pollution, Right?
President Obama dropped a megawatt bomb on the USA during his State of the Union address, when he said that he expects 1,000,000 electric cars to be on the country's roads by 2015. "I believe that we will address this nation's three biggest challe...Read full story
Gretchen "The Redneck Woman" Wilson Says She Wants To Kick Kanye West's Butt
NASHVILLE - Gretchen Wilson the popular country singing redneck gal from Pocahontas, Illinois says that she has just about had enough of having to listen to that bling bling loving, rip rap rappin, hip hop hollering Kanye "The Pest" West. Wilson t...Read full story
Giant Red Squirrels Discovered in Costa Rica
Costa Rica: A government biologist has found two six foot tall Red Squirrels, one male and one female, living in the jungle on Isla Nublar, an island off of Costa Rica. The government biologist believes that when Universal Studios filmed Jurassic...Read full story
Robert Pattinson Is Scared By Kristen Stewart's Transformation
Things are getting fangtastically frightening in the Twilight world, writes Netta Morphosis, Celebrity Flux Correspondent. Yes, the Twi-niverse is witnessing some cosmic creepiness going on right now, what with Bella, played by Kristen Stewart, b...Read full story
Taco Gong Rejects Lawsuit Claiming its Seasoned Horsemeat Can't be Called 'All Beef'
Taco Gong President Jose Jimenez on Tuesday rejected claims made in a lawsuit that the ground horse a--holes in their tacos, burritos, Mountain Dew Baja Blast soda, and other products is not "all beef". "Esta es la carne. Toda," said Jimenez. I me...Read full story