Future News: Transnationals Rewrite Constitution

Funny story: Future News: Transnationals Rewrite Constitution

(Published 2030) - WASHINGTON, D.C. - The entire Senate voted in favour of reamending the constitution. The constitution, only altered a few times since its inception during the Pre-Buy times, will face an entire overhaul, with the First and Secon...

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Orange Alert: There's a Boehner in the House

Funny story: Orange Alert: There's a Boehner in the House

Washington, D.C. - Capitol Hill correspondent Amethyst Ryder spoke with U.S. Representative John Boehner (R-OH) on Thursday as he settled into his new role as Speaker of the House. "There are going to be some changes around here," Boehner said as...

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Bagpipe Farmers in Scotland feel the Squeeze

Funny story: Bagpipe Farmers in Scotland feel the Squeeze

The present recession in the UK and bad weather have seriously affected the bagpipe farmers of Scotland. Angus MacStonedeef, head of the Scottish Bagpipe Farmers Association, with the help of a sign-language expert, explained to our reporter that...

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Sheila Vogel, octoganarian hooker grandma of Katie Waissel - seeking PR expert

Funny story: Sheila Vogel, octoganarian hooker grandma of Katie Waissel - seeking PR expert

Sheila Vogel (82), grandmother of some contestant named Katie Waissel, who appeared on the X factor, is complaining that her grandaughter's appearance and subsequent publicity has ruined her business. Sheila has, allegedly, appeared in numerous gi...

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Cheating Prez candidate John Edwards proposes to mistress - tells kids they will all now be one, big happy family

Funny story: Cheating Prez candidate John Edwards proposes to mistress - tells kids they will all now be one, big happy family

And to think he could almost have become POTUS [President of the United States]. According to information gleaned from a 'highly-respectable' (sic) news source, former Presidential candidate and world's number one dirty rat fink John Edwards has app...

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Suspect pies sold at East End Barber shop

Funny story: Suspect pies sold at East End Barber shop

Environmental food officers raided an East End Barber shop today after members of the public voiced concerns about the taste of meat pies being sold at the premises. The shop, "Gawd Blimey Todds" in the Bethnal Green road, has been selling hot mea...

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WTF**K: Mark Twain Should Have Used **tericks With N*gg*r And Inj*n

Funny story: WTF**K: Mark Twain Should Have Used **tericks With N*gg*r And Inj*n

Galloping political correctness has deemed that Mark Twain's classic novel, Huckleberry Finn, contains inappropriate words describing African Americans and American Indians. Although this book has been read by millions of school children and is on the shelves of most libraries, today Mark Twain is being scorned for allowing his characters to use the dialects and words common in his day. Th...

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Out of Control!

Funny story: Out of Control!

Police warned today that the Liberal Democrats are 'out of control'. The main problem is that the Party have gone underground, searching for their grass roots supporters. Nick Clegg put a brave face on the embarrassing episode: 'We didn't win the...

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Obama Offers Press Secretary Job to 'Man with Golden Voice'

Funny story: Obama Offers Press Secretary Job to 'Man with Golden Voice'

Ted Williams, a homeless man in Columbus, Ohio was "found" by a videographer who paid Williams a dollar to speak into the camera so he could videotape him imitating sports announcers. The video went vital and Williams has now found himself the center...

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Glasgow Pantomime breaches Geneva Convention

Theatre audiences in Glasgow are infamous for giving performers a hard time. Glaswegians are hard to please and when not pleased, they will let you know all about it. Glaswegians, then, are stunned that even their extremely high standards have fal...

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Tourettes Monthly

Funny story: Tourettes Monthly

Hello! And welcome to our second great issue! News: Some of our larger members have begun a diet'A'thon for charity, lets hope the lazy fat bastards make some fukin money! greedy Cuuuunnnnntttssss!!!!! A new law, protecting Sufferers from arrest should they have a FUUUUUKKKIIINNNN!!! episode in the high street, has been passed by those Waaannkkeerrs!!! In parliment. This means, us bun...

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Rooster With World's Biggest Pecker Given 72 Hens

Funny story: Rooster With World's Biggest Pecker Given 72 Hens

Farmer Milo Plowshare of Loose Bowels, Kentucky has won an award for having a rooster, "Big Red" which has the biggest pecker in the world. "Big Red can't hardly walk around his pecker is so huge" Plowshare told our reporter, Rube Goldberg. "You w...

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Sewer Workers Gazette

Funny story: Sewer Workers Gazette

Hello! And welcome to this months edition of our magazine. NEWS. Harry Footslip has finally revealed how he knows which shit belongs to his wife; "My sandwiches are tied to it" Malcom Menial from the Scottish sewer workers confederation has been awarded shit shoveller of the year. Parveet Singh from the Southall sewer section has won the "Name The Izal Toilet Paper" competition. Whe...

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Lost world of underground toilets

Funny story: Lost world of underground toilets

In the lost world of underground toilets many have gone few remain. In one part of London one has been tuned into a Crepeiere where one can eat crepes to there hearts content. Another is a Pie Shop which sells original East End meat pies this is situated under a Aboitoire. Perhaps a more original use for a pissoire is a underground Brothel the stalls have been furnished out with bonkettes...

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And it's 'Goodbye & Good Riddance!' as Aishwarya Rai booted off L'Oreal ads to make way for Slumdog beauty Pinto

Funny story: And it's 'Goodbye & Good Riddance!' as Aishwarya Rai booted off L'Oreal ads to make way for Slumdog beauty Pinto

Mumbai - (Botox Biz): Stunning green-eyed Bollywood goddess Aishwarya Rai is no longer the face of the international cosmetics giant. She has been demoted by sultry Slumdog Millionaire star Freida Pinto following a furor about Rai's skin lightenin...

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Thousands of turtle doves drop dead from the sky in Italy in latest bizarre mass animal deaths

Funny story: Thousands of turtle doves drop dead from the sky in Italy in latest bizarre mass animal deaths

Scientist looking into the recent bizarre phenomenon of deads birds and fishes being found in their thousands believe they may be close to solving the mystery. Some scientists do believe that religious zealots are gathering up live animals and fis...

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Mary Poppins' Colonic Irrigation Clinic

Funny story: Mary Poppins' Colonic Irrigation Clinic

Many people have wondered what happened to Mary Poppins at the end of her eponymous film. Well, wonder no longer, because TheSpoof has tracked her down and interviewed her exclusively. Ms Poppins, now aged 63, is living in India and runs a detox centre for whoever can afford the very steep fees. She offers everything from colonic irrigation to cups of tea to flush out the toxins, but always wit...

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My English Lit Teacher And Other Literary Observations

Funny story: My English Lit Teacher And Other Literary Observations

When I sat English Lit at O Level, there were three books we had to study. There was a novel, a Shakespeare play, and a book of poetry. The novel was Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy. The Shakespeare play was Richard III The book of poetry was the biggest load of old bollocks ever committed to print. I was never an ideal pupil - too much of a tearaway, dismissive of things wh...

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Jedwards to be rejoined in 12 hour operation

Funny story: Jedwards to be rejoined in 12 hour operation

A spokesperson for the world famous Jedward twins has told us that they will be undergoing the first ever conjoint twin re-attachment operation early next week in London's Mint Imperial University Hospital. The twins were originally conjoint but...

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Bird suicide packs on the rise!

Funny story: Bird suicide packs on the rise!

Birds have been attempting suicide for years if not centuries, but have had difficulties due to their ability to fly. They jumped off the highest cliffs, only to end up flying. They followed humans off of buildings only to get a birds eye view of the human bouncing off the pavement. "I felt so depressed," stated Robin who was one ugly f-ing bird. "I would jump at the same time as the human but...

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Putin in secret conjugal visit to trollop

Funny story: Putin in secret conjugal visit to trollop

Turginovo, Russia - (Festive Ass Mess): Flanked at a traditional Russian Orthodox midnight mass in Turginovo by the usual entourage of wholesome-looking, corpulent ex-shot put champion babushkas Vladimir Putin looked humble and Pius (sic) XII. Spo...

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Imprisoned organ donors in the US to get parole

Funny story: Imprisoned organ donors in the US to get parole

Prisoners willing to donate their organs to others in need are being offered parole in many prisons across the US. Prison parole boards are being inundated with requests from prisoners willing to donate anything in an attempt to get released early...

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Why Stop at Spaying and Neutering Only Mark Twain?

Funny story: Why Stop at Spaying and Neutering Only Mark Twain?

They're changing Mark Twain's words in order to be more politically correct. That makes complete sense. But we need to continue this literary purge. No reason, not to tackle Hemingway, Medville, and Dickens. They're all fair game if we want our progeny to develop in a Christian, God-fearing manner. So, let's fix the other classics that surely offend certain populations. Here are some example...

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Two Fat Hideous Welsh Putas Caned By Courts For Abusing Oldies

Funny story: Two Fat Hideous Welsh Putas Caned By Courts For Abusing Oldies

Cardiff Magistrates Courts today heard how two clinically obese mingers 'with faces that would turn the milk sour' thought it might be a bit of a laugh to scare the living daylights out of their elderly female patients by waving a 'green goblin' glov...

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Smart phone passes the Turing Test

Funny story: Smart phone passes the Turing Test

A Nokia N97 has become the first computerised device to pass the Turing test. The Turing test pits a computer against a human in conversation with a human adjudicator, and the human adjudicator has to determine which the computer is, and which the...

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Liverpool fans claim Hodgson 'Best thing since the square wheel'

Funny story: Liverpool fans claim Hodgson 'Best thing since the square wheel'

Thousands of Liverpool fans have spoken up for their beleaguered manager in the face of his likely sacking. One fan said; 'Roy has done his best over the short period he's been here and I think he deserves more time, after all it's not like were j...

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German Eggs Dioxin scandal vegan take-over planned

Funny story: German Eggs Dioxin scandal vegan take-over planned

In an astonishing development after our initial breaking of the news yesterday concerning the toxic Dioxin laden eggs in Germany, a further 3000 farms are now closed and more implications for human health have been outlined. Herr Loss of the the S...

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Fifa moving date of 2022 World Cup, 'Phew' says ginger people

Funny story: Fifa moving date of 2022 World Cup, 'Phew' says ginger people

Sepp Blatter has finally listened to the thousands of requests made by ginger freckled people the world over and changed the date of the 2022 World Cup. Qatar can be 50 degrees Celsius in the shade and that's far too hot for most of us let alone t...

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Delicious Wild Bacon Overrun Texas, Florida Towns

Funny story: Delicious Wild Bacon Overrun Texas, Florida Towns

Living In Texas and the Florida Panhandle is difficult enough, what with all the heat and Mexicans, but people in these Deliverance-like rural towns have something else to bitch about: Feral hogs. Elisha Cuthbert? Yeah, she got totally fat! Nam...

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New Drug Only Gives Side Effects!

Eli Willy, a major drug and pharmaceutical manufacturer has announced a revolutionary new drug that only causes side effects. Marketed under the slogan, "If you think yesterday was bad," the drug will be on the market in the near future and will only...

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Britain's fattest man eats his way out of house and home

Funny story: Britain's fattest man eats his way out of house and home

Mark Paulson, 50, is officially the fastest man in Britain topping the scales at some 70 stone and now it appears he's putting on weight, again. Paulson, who recently appeared in a TV documentary, has apparently started to eat his own furniture an...

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Wildlife suicide pandemic is nature's protest at royal wedding

Funny story: Wildlife suicide pandemic is nature's protest at royal wedding

London - (Fawning Fauna Furor): Illuminati mind control experiment technology may be to blame for the tide of animal kingdom protest suicides. This week's global pandemic of bird, fish and crab fatalities is being linked to an electronic sublimina...

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SuBo fanatics get frozen!

Funny story: SuBo fanatics get frozen!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they are launching a cryonics facility for their fanatics. The new 'Fanatical Loonies Ultimate Freezing Facility' (FLUFF) is now open for business, and is expected to be able t...

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Isle of Wight News - Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to live on the island?

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to live on the island?

Hollywood megastars, Rob Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart are looking to set up home together on the Isle of Wight. Reports from Sandown Estate Agents owner Juliette Horby indicate that they are looking at Whitecliff Bay. "The couple were in our S...

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63 Year Olds Redundancy Sufferers Ode

Funny story: 63 Year Olds Redundancy Sufferers Ode

When the rumours first start, the idea of redundancy is an aggravation, Once confirmed, those chosen begin to suffer workplace social segregation, Slowly unavoidably affected by low esteem and cruel self-depreciation, A half hearted look at the job situation brings great perturbation, When you increase your efforts, and try to avoid reprobation, To the job searching you give your be...

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Toms River Man Celebrates Passing Field Sobriety Test By Shooting Himself In the Head

Funny story: Toms River Man Celebrates Passing Field Sobriety Test By Shooting Himself In the Head

A 53-year-old motorist who used a utility pole to stop his car celebrated passing his field sobriety test by shooting himself in the head, said Toms River, NJ police. "Our officer was patrolling his usual route, trolling for drunk a--holes driving...

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London 2012 Olympics sponsoring update

Funny story: London 2012 Olympics sponsoring update

Details of some aspects of the sponsorship opportunities at the London 2012 Olympics main stadium were leaked yesterday. According to reports, all the 90,000 seats are now linked into an electrical grid and can be activated individually. Sponso...

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UK Politicians Ode

Funny story: UK Politicians Ode

They just tell untruths, they cannot legally lie, To keep or get into power, with anyone they'll ally, They shop at Harrod's, not at the local 'Bring & Buy', They seem to set the rules, that they do not apply, Their expense claims are fiddled, and go awry, The laws of ethics and morality they manage to defy, Being honest and trustworthy, also passed them by, Their own salaries, they gra...

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Hijacker "La Pelirroja" Found Resting On Footbridge In Mexico. With a Rope Around Her Neck. Not Breathing.

Funny story: Hijacker "La Pelirroja" Found Resting On Footbridge In Mexico. With a Rope Around Her Neck. Not Breathing.

Gabriela Elizabeth Tamez Muniz, The Redhead Mas Fea, alleged leader of a Mexican hijackers ring was found resting, with very cold skin, on a pedestrian bridge at Gonzalitos Avenue, opposite Mithras Norte in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, and was alive (a lit...

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Alice Roberts Nude TV Role Offer

Funny story: Alice Roberts Nude TV Role Offer

Fans of top TV science totty, Alice Roberts, are holding their breath as their dream of seeing her au naturel appears to have a chance of being realised. As we reported, ooh, ages ago (it was August 26 - ed) the Coast presenter's admirers were dis...

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Alliance vs Labour Five-a-side Match

Funny story: Alliance vs Labour Five-a-side Match

An indoor Five-a-side soccer match between the 'Lib-Dems Conservative Disunited' (LDCD) and the 'Dilapidated Opposition Pretend Electioneers Shambles' (Dopes). It is to take place in George Osborne's airing cupboard on a date to be announced follo...

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Apple to release new Iris scanning app for iPhone4

Funny story: Apple to release new Iris scanning app for iPhone4

In Brussels today Apple Inc (APPL:NYSE) announced the release of the new retinal and iris scanning application for the iPhone4. "Users had always wondered why the iPhone 4 came with 2 camera's and now we can reveal why" said Arthur Ramsbottom at...

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Kathy Griffin Fires Back At Jennifer Aniston Calling Her An Unmarriageable Symbolic "Salt Shaker"

Funny story: Kathy Griffin Fires Back At Jennifer Aniston Calling Her An Unmarriageable Symbolic "Salt Shaker"

WEST HOLLYWOOD - The star of My Life On The D List was in West Hollywood visiting two of her biggest gay friends, Sylvester Vextrolley and Toby Tizzymeister. The two 'flamboyant's' together own Syl's & Tizzy's Hacienda of Hair and Hmmmm Salon.

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A Popular West Coast Publication Is Reporting That Oprah Winfrey Is Considering A Sex-Change So That She Can Marry Gayle King

Funny story: A Popular West Coast Publication Is Reporting That Oprah Winfrey Is Considering A Sex-Change So That She Can Marry Gayle King

LOS ANGELES - News filtering out of the Left Coast and more specifically the noted newspaper to the stars, The Tinsel Town Times Tribune has revealed that talk show queen and billionairess Oprah Winfrey is giving serious consideration to going in and...

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Lindsay Lohan To Star In "The Wizard of Oz 5 - Dorothy Gets Her Corn Shuck Patted Down"

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan To Star In "The Wizard of Oz 5 - Dorothy Gets Her Corn Shuck Patted Down"

HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan hadn't been out of The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic for more than two hours when she was approached by a noted Hollywood producer to star in the Lions Face Motion Picture Company film The Wizard of Oz 5 - Dorothy Gets H...

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Asians May Not Be Intelligent After All

Funny story: Asians May Not Be Intelligent After All

Asians are once again embarrassing Richard Lynn with their latest brain fart. In the late 1970s, Lynn wrote that Asians had the highest IQ in the human race, but just recently more than 200 Asian children were found with elevated levels of lead in th...

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Lure of Missile Defence Contract Prompts Starbucks To Remove "Coffee" From Logo

Funny story: Lure of Missile Defence Contract Prompts Starbucks To Remove "Coffee" From Logo

Starbucks, the world's largest coffee maker has dropped its name and the word "coffee" from its ubiquitous cups. This seemingly suicidal move is allegedly only one in a long line of moves that are being made to enable the coffee maker to "move up the...

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Justin Bieber's hairdo is actually a wig made out of his own hair

Funny story: Justin Bieber's hairdo is actually a wig made out of his own hair

Teen heart-throb - he of the full head of hair has been uncovered. Turns out that the great big pudding bowl of hair on his head is - horrors - actually a wig! And better yet, it's made out of his own hair! Seems Justin started losing his hair w...

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Dirty Harry Potter Photo Disappoints Fans

Funny story: Dirty Harry Potter Photo Disappoints Fans

Internet surfers looking for interesting photos of their favorite celebrities are crying foul today over a photo entitled "Dirty Harry Potter," saying that the title is deceiving. Potters fans were expecting to see dirty photos of Daniel Radcliff...

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Hull City Reject Appointed Preston North End Boss

Funny story: Hull City Reject Appointed Preston North End Boss

Preston North End have appointed a Hull City reject as their new manager on an 18-month contract. The 51-year-old former Derby and Hull reject succeeds Darren Ferguson, who was sacked along with his assistant Kevin Russell at the end of December.

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Veteran Sportscaster Loses Employment and Home to Unemployed Homeless Man

Funny story: Veteran Sportscaster Loses Employment and Home to Unemployed Homeless Man

The career of Dick Larsden, voice of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, suffered an unexpected "rainout" Thursday afternoon when he arrived at the WTBD studios to record promos for the upcoming season. "I should have suspected something when I pulled int...

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Army Replaces 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' with 'Don't Pray? Don't Tell'

Funny story: Army Replaces 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' with 'Don't Pray? Don't Tell'

After receiving the responses to a survey known as the Global Assessment Tool back from scores of soldiers who admit they are atheists, the Army has deemed them spiritually unfit, and is requiring the heathen soldiers to take remedial training to hel...

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Phil The Greek Restores Noble Right Of Prima Nocta

Funny story: Phil The Greek Restores Noble Right Of Prima Nocta

In what is likely to be seen as a highly controversial move, HRH Prince Philip has taken it upon himself to restore the ancient noble's right of Prima Nocta. This is the right which allows a senior royal to have sexual rights to the wife of a newly m...

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The Artist Formerly Known as Prince To Decide Zsa Zsa Gabor's Fate

Funny story: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince To Decide Zsa Zsa Gabor's Fate

A decision has to be made for 93-year-old celebrity-for-celebrity's-sake Zsa Zsa Gabor that will determine if she lives or dies, and that responsibility falls upon her husband, 52-year-old singer Prince.CORRECTION(S). - Zsa Zsa is actually married...

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John Boehner Opens Up

Funny story: John Boehner Opens Up

Washington, D.C. - House Speaker John Boehner wants everyone to know he's a regular guy. The Ohio Congressman enjoys movies and football. He loves his wife and dabbles in stamps. "I love postage," said Boehner. "Is there any better pairing than...

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Spoof Writers set to form Union

Funny story: Spoof Writers set to form Union

The majority of Spoof Writers are wanting to form a Union. The major issue concerning these Spoof Writers is the appalling conditions in which they work. A large number of writers work in dank, dark basements, tapping away at their keyboards by candlelight. They have no running water and feel isolated from the real world speaking online only to fellow spoofers. Others have to use their l...

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