The murky world of Libyan Trade
With the continuing melt down of law and order and the defiant messages coming from President Col Gaddafi, the British Government are tracking down the companies behind his support.The Prime Minister has said no stone will be unturned to find the UK...
Read full storyFBI placing ads in major newspapers for Terrorist
Due to the inability to investigate anyone without being sued for violating their rights, The FBI has placed the following ad in all major Newspapers world wide. "The FBI request that all Terrorist report to the nearest FBI headquarters to sign sw...
Read full storyWAIT.....It's All Over Now for Local Man
Finally, after what seems like Eons and Eons, the wait for local man Seaton Carew is finally over. It all started in April 2010 when the ex-thespian mistakenly consumed around 600 units of Polish alcohol and found himself arguing with his own shadow. After losing the arguement, the foolish wannabe entrepreneur decided to teach himself a lesson and dialled 999. Seconds later the local street,...
Read full storyToday's News With Rush Limbo #5
Today's News With Rush Limbo! We're ready to go here. Today is all about what YOU, the listener, want to talk about...but please, no more stutterers. I know I have a hearing problem but the 15-minute call for the guy to ask the question yesterday was a little too much. Just have a friend call. Maybe a "Peckerhead" can help you out. In the news today, it seems like President Obama's mother-i...
Read full storyMobile Phones Linked To Brain Damage: Bad News For Al-Queda
Recent reports into the effects of using a mobile phone on the brain were welcomed throughout the world community yesterday. Although slow to admit it, most major mobile phone giants have accepted there is a risk of brain dysfunction over middle...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Confesses A Fetish About Uniforms
Apparently singer/actress Miley Cyrus has a thing about guys in uniforms. This was related on Facebook by a former boyfriend from three years ago who says he "wasn't anyone important". After Donald Briant, who once dated Miley over about a six wee...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Judge Tells Her - "I Don't Care If You Are Lindsay Lohan, You're Going To Effen Prison!"
LOS ANGELES - Well it appears that the little lost girl, Lindsay Lohan has finally come up against someone who is not the least bit impressed with her celebrity status. Los Angeles Judge Keifer "Coconuts" Quartzenbaum told the freckle-faced drama...
Read full storyMan Likes His Coconuts Big and Hairy
A gay man has spoken openly about his likes, in bed. Larry Sabu, 20, said that he likes nice, big, hard coconuts to be covered in hair and with "nice sized holes" for his fingers to linger in. Larry was speaking to a food magazine about what a...
Read full storyGay Man Creates Spoof Writer From Turd
A gay man has shocked his neighbours by revealing that a spoof writer for the local newspaper is an invention of his - and emerged from his anus. Larry Sabu, 20, said he was at home in bed, sitting on his lovers face one day, when he decided to co...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Angry Over First Lady's Rib Dinner
During his daily radio broadcast Monday, Rush Limbaugh couldn't resist aiming his vitriol toward the First Lady, calling her a hypocrite for dining on a sumptuous short rib dinner while, says Limbaugh "she's making the rest of the country exist on nu...
Read full storyBerlusconi to launch "Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts"
Ladies man Silvio Berlusconi is set to launch a new super group called "Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts" for older men that have been accused of sleeping with prostitutes or escort girls. The new group, based on the popular children's cartoon progra...
Read full storyGas, Fuel Prices to Double, Triple Overnight?
Colonel Gaddafi of Libya is still trying hard to stay in office as leader of his country and says that if he is killed, he will take everything with him that he can. He also told a reporter for Al-Jazeera television that he will go down as a mart...
Read full storyEU leak: More foods given protected status
The announcement that Cornish Pasties have been awarded a Protected Geographical Indication status under European Commission rules has delighted many a pasty maker from Cornwall. The status allows only them to label their pasties Cornish using a str...
Read full storyToday's News With Rush Limbo: #4
Today's News With Rush Limbo: "Good morning all you "Peckerheads who follow the show daily, and to everyone else including you liberal note-takers from PMSNBC! In his new book just out, Donald Rumsfield said that the failure to find weapons of mass destruction after two years in Iraq badly damaged the Bush administration's credibility, especially that of his own. The new book is entitled "O...
Read full storySenator Harry Reid Declares War On Nevada Prostitution: Releases Wife From Bunny Ranch
Nevada Senator Harry Reid, after having been told that many companies are choosing to not locate in Nevada because the state allows legal prostitution in some counties, declared war on the sex industry that has enjoyed unique legal status for many ye...
Read full story"The Pope made me do it!" sobs Gaddafi as ex-Justice Minister grasses him up over Lockerbie and 9/11
Tripoli - Speaking to Swedish Red Top reporters Mustafa Abdel-Jalilm rubbished the Colonel's pathetic rant blaming the Vatican for his career-best hits. "The Colonel's hardly a Paypal (sic) puppet," Abdel-Jalim told the Daily Smorgasbord Smearer,...
Read full storyThe Naked City!
Former useless New Labour Fourth Reich Home Secretary Jacqui Spliff has temporarily had enough of crawling about on her knee's servicing Westminster MP's and has returned to her former employment as a Soho 'Guide'.She had been criticised after compla...
Read full storyPOW Camp Unearthed!
Stunned Irishman Finbar McNamara, 39, was digging in his 40 acre garden-and uncovered a prisoner of war camp! Finbar, a local handyman of questionable parentage and intelligence, Much Hadham in Hertfordshire, nearly dropped his 1.5 litre bottle o...
Read full storyJustin Bieber In Hot Rod Accident
Canadian pop-R&B singer and actor Justin Bieber is recovering in hospital this evening after being involved in an incident at a friend's home when a red hot poker was shoved up his arse. Bieber was making last minute preparations for his 17th...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Offers to Train High School Wrestler Who Won't Fight Girls
After Pamela Anderson heard the story about a high school male wrestler in Iowa who backed out of a wrestling championship in which he was favored to win instead of wresting a female opponent, she hopped the next plane to Des Moines, and offered to t...
Read full storyObama Offers Gaddafi Refuge on Staten Island
Barack Obama has offered Colonel Gaddafi land on Straten Island in the Arthur Kills section where he can pitch his tents to house his retinue of slaves, call girls and one of the world's largest stashes of cocaine. Formerly a landfill area contain...
Read full storyColonel Gaddafi To Take Over From Liam Gallagher As Oasis Lead Singer
Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger today revealed that he'd heard from some old tart in a pub down the Kings Road that Noel Gallagher is considering Libya's leader, Colonel Gaddafi as a possible replacement as lead singer from his br...
Read full storyLost Socks Found In Cosmic Anomaly
Boffins working with deep space telescopes searching for the origins of the universe have made an unexpected discovery - an eddy in the space-time continuum containing millions of socks! The atronomers believe the discovery solves the ages-old que...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Sam Ronson to do Movie Based on Old Weird Socks Adult Underground Comics
This morning it was announced that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton will appear in an updated movie based upon the old 1960's underground comic, "Weird Socks", that came out in the 1960's. The idea isn't new as Stephen King once did a trilogy movie...
Read full story'Grey Socks Are Sooo Boring!' Says Designer
Top London sock designer Michael O'Foot today savaged rival sock designers who continue to design grey socks. "Grey socks are sooo boring!" he told the press. "I'm surprised that designers like Julian Hose and Stella McStockingfoot continue to des...
Read full storyInsurance comparison website is being sued and taken to court
A popular (well it is with the owners who get a fat commission) web-based comparison site is being taken to court by a group of irate pensioners in support stockings and chequered coats purchased from their local charity shops. The group, led by a...
Read full storyTeenage girls disappointed as they flock to download Justin Bieber's penis tone
Hordes of screaming teenage fans and the odd parish priest were disappointed today as they flocked to teenage heartthrob Justin Bieber's website following his announcement of the acquisition of a new penis tone. While many of the girls were hoping...
Read full storyCornish Pasty Protected
The European Court is likely to protect the Cornish Pasty by giving it a PGI (Pretty Good Indigestion) award - meaning that only Pasties prepared in Cornwall can be called 'Cornish Pasties'. Pasties made in Devon, following the same recipe, cannot...
Read full storySuBo fanatic's quilt comes to life!
A Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loony was in shock last night after the quilt she had made for SuBo came to life. The quilt, measuring some 30 feet by 50 feet, was being blessed when it suddenly started moving. "I couldn't believe it.
Read full storyMan Utd In Marseille Sock Crisis
Just in. Manchester United arrived in Marseille for their Champions League round of sixteen clash without socks, following a cock-up by the head kit man. Insiders say that the error means that the only socks the United party have available are th...
Read full storyUp The Buses! - Part 13E.
Blakey introducing the programme, staring unblinking into the camera and right into your living room. BLAKEY: "You are late again aren't you? How dare you be late like that! Where have you been? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13D. Up The Buses! - Part 13D. FLASHBACK to previous dynamic episodes that you MAY have so shamefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed! Blakey tal...
Read full storyKylie Knitting Socks
Princess of pop Kylie Minogue is knitting socks in preparation for the arrival of a longed-for family. Kylie has openly admitted that she would love to be a mum, now she is saying she is prepared to adopt or even use a surrogate mother to have a c...
Read full storyTameside spent £30,000 on Lifestyle Schemes, now must cut £100million
As the furore continues over budget cuts at local councils, the media are getting ever more desperate to point the finger of blame at wasteful councils. The latest such finger-pointing has been levelled at Tameside Council in Greater Manchester. In 2006 it was identified that sickness and illness were costing the council millions of pounds. Action was taken, and thirty thousand pounds was spent...
Read full storyGaddafi threatens to become more threatening, claiming "X Factor" solution to problems
Analysis of Libyan nuttiness have detected that Colonel Gaddafi has set the stage for what looks to be a very confrontational conclusion to the troubles in Libya. The stage, in a 14,000-seat arena in Tripoli, has seen the delivery and erection of...
Read full storyThe true number of NHS cutbacks revealed
Under The Freedom of Information Act to true extent of the cutbacks is becoming painfully clear. Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary has admitted when contacted that it is true, they are sacking all the doctors and nurses but keeping administrative...
Read full storyBreastfeeding Is Key to Healthy Eating!
Scientists believe that breastfeeding mothers can influence what their child will prefer eating in later life. If they want their child to enjoy eating vegetables that they should eat vegetables whilst they are breastfeeding (well not at the same tim...
Read full storyOlympic Velodrome Opens To Cyclists' Confusion
A group of Gloucester cyclists was being escorted back to the city today having lost their way trying to find the new Olympic Velodrome. The arena, especially constructed for the London Olympics next year, is the first venue to be completed for th...
Read full storyRoyal Family Seeks Travel Expert
Buckingham Palace is advertising for a new "head of travel" to help the Royal Family cut costs and reduce their carbon footprint. The post, worth between £55,000 and £75,000, is advertised on the family's web site. A palace insider said: "Membe...
Read full storyAward for Dundee United
In the wake of their 2010 Active Nation Cup Final victory over Ross County yesterday, Dundee United have carried off yet another trophy. In an online poll of Internet Explorer users , the Arabs have also been given the dubious accolade of Winners...
Read full storyMystery Injury For Delap
Stoke City's preparations for tonight's clash with Arsenal were disrupted by the news that midfield mastro Rory Delap is facing the prospect of missing the rest of the season after going into hospital this week for surgery on his shoulder. A spoke...
Read full storyThings You'd Rather Do Than...
Continuing our increasingly popular series "Things You'd Rather Do Than". Today we present "Things You'd Rather Do Than.....Watch Stoke City". 1. Get an enema. 2. Tidy up your sock drawer. 3. Tidy up someone else's sock drawer. 4. Pull your nose hairs out. 5.Try to evacuate your bowels when your piles are playing up. 6. Get the snip without an anaesthetic, 7. Watch a rerun...
Read full storyWorrying Report for Fans
Recent research by the Institute of Psychology suggests that some football fans have been victims of a Supreme Being who has been tapping into their mental brainspaces over the last 2 years and has taken over their consciousness and thought processes...
Read full storyPolitical Correctness In Football
Another article advising what terms can and can't be used in the world of football in terms of political correctness. "Fenian Trash" The first instance just doesn't stand up to close examination in these environmentally friendly times. The word "trash" doesn't any longer conjure up the same illusions as previously - in fact, the advent of recycling has ensured that even rubbish ca...
Read full storyPiers Morgan To Book Five Serious "Beer Drinking" Celebrities On An Edition of His New Show 'Piers Morgan Tonight'
NEW YORK CITY - Television critics are stating that Piers Morgan the host of Piers Morgan Tonight is having a rather difficult time filling the shoes of Larry King, retired host of Larry King Live. The critics say that the problem does not stem fr...
Read full storyLibya: MooMoo Gadafi: I Only Wanted To Be A Mime! Was That Too Much To Ask?
Tripoli - Today MooMoo Gadafi ranted at Green Square. The Spoof's only African correspondent JO, who was sent because he can speak Indian English with an Australian accent, arrived in time to hear MooMoo and interview several hallucinogenic beings around him. "I could've been a contender! I could've been someone! Instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it Charlie!" said MooMoo in the...
Read full storySuBo Fans invade Scotland
Hundreds of Susan Boyle fans from as far away as Texas - will be dressing up like Susan and invading Scotland. Susan will be performing at the Scottish Variety Awards early March and her fans don't want to miss the black tie affair. Susan Boyle w...
Read full storyGaddafi's Private Sock Collection Flown To Cuba
As the bloodshed continues in Libya, accounts are emerging that a defiant Colonel Gaddafi has had his private sock collection flown out to Cuba for safe keeping. Just in case. Although Gaddafi has stated repeatedly that he is a warrior king who...
Read full storyBald Headed Man Grows Big Beard
Bald headed man, Terry Brynner has taken five months to grow a really big bushy beard. Brynner told friends that there is a method in his apparent madness, because he read somewhere on the internet that a surgeon in Sao Paulo, Brazil, has perfected a...
Read full storySarah Ferguson, "The Duchess of York" Confesses That She Now Regrets Not Having Worn Socks During Her 1992 Tryst With John Bryan
LONDON - Sarah Margaret Ferguson recently stated to a reporter for The Tickety Boo News that in her 51 years she has probably had more ups and downs that the American stock market. The Marylebone, London native spoke candidly with Neville Twickenb…
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Speaks Out
Dear People of America - Just a quick little note to remind everyone just how damn friggin good I am at evading being captured by the barbaric capitalist that have been searching for me for many years. I will give them credit because those dudes have just about looked in every cave in Pakistan and they have not found me (Osama Bin Laden). Well that is because I am not in Pakistan; I am in Missi...
Read full storyBear Grylls Has It Easy Says Cameraman
Top TV cameraman, Ford Focus has caused much controversy in Televisionland by telling the world on You Tube that survivalist Bear Grylls is a bit of a fraud. Viewers have marvelled at Bear's survival skills, which have seen him climbing over mount...
Read full storyToday's News With Rush Limbo: #3
Today's News With Rush Limbo: "Welcome to everyone, especially my loyal "Peckerheads". The US Post Office is still threatening to close on Saturdays or begin charging 95 cents for a stamp. In a national poll that was conducted last week, 92% of those polled said that they agree with the post office. "Give them Saturdays off. Charge more for stamps too if you have to. Please, please don'...
Read full storyGaddafi Orders 1200 Confederate Flags from US Flag Maker in Preparation of Civil War
In what has been considered a clear signal that civil war is imminent in Libya, Libya's embattled leader Moammar Gaddafi has found an online American flag maker who is willing to sell to him their entire stock of Confederate flags at a discounted pri...
Read full storyNina Dobrev's "Katherine Pierce Vampire Dairies Designer Bras" Are Selling Like 'McNuggets!'
HOLLYWOOD - The world of television marketing and sales is an extremely lucrative business. Popular TV shows can lead to the production of show related products that can make the owners of the shows quite rich, or rather much richer than they already...
Read full storySelena Gomez and Justin Bieber To Star As The Voices In New Cartoon Show, "Socks The Cat"
HOLLYWOOD - Young teen idols Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber have just been signed to lend their voices to cartoon characters appearing on the new animated cartoon show titled, Socks The Cat. The show is based loosely on President Bill Clinton's da...
Read full storyBuckingham Palace Mails Out 1,900 Wedding Invitations - Sarah Ferguson, The Duchess of York Does Not Get One
LONDON - Some of the world's richest, most popular, and most influential people will be in attendance on April 29 at the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. David and Victoria (The Beckhams) will be in attendance. David and Samantha (Cam...
Read full storyVictoria's Secret: Models Wear Crotchless Panties Because There's No There There
At long last the secret that has been hidden from true believers has been revealed; the nymphet models for this provocative display of flesh have legs so long that they are virtual infinitesimal parallelograms. That being so, the fact that they...
Read full storyHush-hush moves will double the USA's Strategic Petroleum Reserve
New Orleans - The value of the nation's 727 million barrel emergency tank passed a staggering $80 billion today as crude soared above the $108 a barrel mark. Now secret moves by Big Oil will see the US Strategic Petroleum Reserve double its capaci...
Read full storyBlair government shielded the Bloody Gaddafis 7/7 inquest hears
London - An inquiry into the London atrocity heard how so-called home grown terrorists were outsourced puppets of the foreign dictator. "No wonder there was no advance intelligence," an MI5 official known only as Witness GG said, "those Downing St...
Read full storyChelsea Flower Show to commemorate First Lady's visit with the Michelle Obama Rose
London - The repeat flowering cultivar is a genetically engineered hybrid from several plant species including Toxicodendron radicans (poison ivy), Atropa belladonna (deadly lampshade) and an oriental Phallaceae (stinkhorn). It will be presented t...
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