Lindsay Lohan's Judge Tells Her - "I Don't Care If You Are Lindsay Lohan, You're Going To Effen Prison!"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

LOS ANGELES - Well it appears that the little lost girl, Lindsay Lohan has finally come up against someone who is not the least bit impressed with her celebrity status.

Los Angeles Judge Keifer "Coconuts" Quartzenbaum told the freckle-faced drama queen in a packed courtroom that she will not be getting away with breaking the laws of the land simply because she feels that somehow being a Hollywood celebrity entitles her to having special privileges.

The judge was amazed at how Miss Lohan just nonchalantly thinks that she can just go around stealing a $2,500 necklace and then arrogantly deny that she ever took the necklace while knowing full well that the act was captured on the jewelry store's surveillance video.

He stressed to the celluloid diva that if someone named Carmelita Suarez, or LaTundra Washington, or Ling Fu Fing, or Running Squirrel Covington had taken that $2,500 necklace then their butts would be sitting in jail right now.

At that point Lohan asked the judge if she could speak. He told her to go ahead.

"Judge, I do not personally know any of those four women you mentioned but I do know one thing. Not one of them is a Hollywood movie star like I am.

Not one of them has starred in motion pictures with the likes of noted actors and actresses such as Dennis Quaid, Peter Pasco, Lizzy Caplan, Jamie Lee Curtis, Stephen Tobolowsky, and Lily Tomlin."

"And your point is what Miss Lohan?" The judge interrupted.

"Your honor, my point is that I am just much too valuable to the motion picture community to be taken away and placed in some cold, damp, ugly, dump of a prison far from my fans who clamor to know what the gorgeously sexy Lindsay Lohan will be doing next."

"Thank you Miss Lohan, I promise you that I will certainly take the needs, wants, and dietary habits of your fans in mind when I render my final decision."

Judge Quartzenbaum further told the troubled grown up brat known as LiLo that when he sends her to The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Womem and she is sitting in a jail cell looking across at her cell mate who probably will be covered from head to toe in tattoos, bruises, and scars from knife wounds, gunshot wounds, and bite wounds that he hopes she realizes how damn effen easy she had it in the 'outside' world and never ever dares to even remotely think about complaining about having broken one of her expensively manicured fingernails.

Lindsay Lohan's mother was asked during a recess break if she thinks that her daughter will in fact be sentenced to prison this time.

Dina Lohan smiled and replied that the judge will not sentence LiLo to prison simply because of the fact that she is a Hollywood celebrity and everyone knows that Hollywood celebrities such as Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen, and Paula Abdul can do and say whatever they want and get away with it simply because they are Tinsel Town's privileged elite.

In other news. Due to Federal budgetary constraints the Federal Bureau of Investigation is having to outsource some of the FBI agent jobs to Pakistan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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