London - (Dependency Culture Mess): A 'wrong sort of crack' cocaine was found on the derailed faux royal line today.
Disgusted commuters were herded like sheep onto underground cattle wagon replacement services as chaos brought the entire Blood Diamond Jubilee Line to a grinding halt.
Management immediately blamed rail track phissures (sic) at Green Park station for the ensuing misery - the third such outbreak since Monday.
The station serves three Royal Parks at the core of a huge Palace boiler room scam being investigated about fraudulent mortgages of stolen national assets.
Transport staff sources however said this afternoon they reckoned the problem lies with the royal gravy train behind the Jubilee Line's creation.
"Let's face it," union leader Rob Crowsnest commented, "this whole royal family's an effin trainwreck. Bout time we torched the wholla em."
Saturday's ominous Hunter's Moon takes place just as the sun enters Scorpio, the sign of the sting.