Written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 21 October 2010

image for "Driving Off A F--king Mountain" Official Cause Of Dr. Frank Ryan's Death.

California Highway Patrol (CHP) investigators have released the cause of death for Dr. Frank Ryan, the plastic surgeon who turned Heidi Montag's face into a kabuki mask.

"Dr. Ryan's cause of death has been determined to be: 'driving off a f--king mountain'," said the lead investigator.

Dr. Ryan's 1995 Jeep P.O.S. went over the side of Pacific Coast Highway on August 17th of this year. The Jeep landed upside-down on rocks and lifeguards initially tried to help Ryan, to no avail.

At one point during their press conference, the investigator was asked whether they can be sure of Dr. Ryan's cause of death.

"When a person falls 100 feet off of a mountain, and their convertible lands on rocks, upside-down, with that person underneath it, it is safe to conclude that that is the cause of death.

These findings also bring an end to the criminal case against Ryan's dog, Jill.

Jill --real name Jillian Barberie-Reynolds-- survived the fall, and has been in LA County jail since the accident.

"Jill was seen as a suspect, simply because she survived the crash," said Gloria Allred, Jill's attorney.

"Now that this nightmare is over, Jill wants nothing more than to go home, take a sh-t on her lawn, and prepare for the lawsuit she is going to bring," said Allred.

The findings also put into doubt the press release from God, who claimed that he smote Dr. Ryan for performing ten surgeries on Heidi Montag in one 12-hour period.*

God refused to comment on this story, said God's agent, Drew Rosenhaus.

Read Heidi Montag's Plastic Surgeon Smote by God. for more details.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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