X-Factor's Wagner "Better Than Elvis" Claims Katie Waissel

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 7 November 2010

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Wagner - Uh Huh. Rock n Roll.

Although most people tend to agree that his singing is as flat as a witch's tit, and that if reports are to be believed, his behaviour leaves much to be desired, Wagner once more survives the X-Factor vote off.

Sources insist that at least fellow contestant Katie Waissel thinks that Wagner is the dog's bollocks, as reports to Skoob Entertainment News suggest that as Wagner left the stage after his live show performance, Katie Waissel was heard to coo:

"Wow! Wagner is really incredible. He's awesome. He's better than Elvis ever was."

Wagner wowed the nation Saturday night with his flawless performance of Elvis's 'Viva Las Vegas' mashed up with 'The Wonder Of You' on the X-Factor.

Although not everyone was equally convinced.

"Mebbes you should gan and sing in one of them crap wedding chapels in Las Vegas," (or words to that effect) Geordie diva Cheryl Cole announced.

Off camera, Simon Cowbell allegedly produced a loaded handgun and appeared to be contemplating blowing his brains out with it, before finally shaking his head in disbelief and putting it back in a desk drawer.

As usual, Louis Walsh thought Wagner was wonderful (small wonder he was bullied at school) and drooled like a gorged out komodo dragon over his protege's eye poppingly oddball performance.

Dannii Minogue appeared more interested in her new hairstyle, which if rumours are to be believed, she had done by Steven Gerrard's hairdresser. That bloke from Liverpool with the white stick and the pinking shears.

One observer was heard to ask:

"Who is Dannii Minogue anyway? I don't recall her ever being famous, or noteworthy as a performer of any significance. I recall vaguely that she once flashed her tits on Page 3 of The Sun, but that's about it."

A beaming Wagner Carrilho, inexplicably sporting the Bolivian Medal Of Honour on his Elvis style jumpsuit was almost apologetic as he told the judges:

"If I should sing out of time, or out of tune - it is because I am human."

In a thick Brazilian accent.

Mary Byrne was unavailable for comment.

More as we get it.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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