SNJ (Susan Niels James) UP 2% - Interest went up from male traders after willing to re-merger, due to the break-up with JJ (Jock Johnson)
NWS (Rupert Murdoch's News Corp.) Up 20% - The Sun tabloid in Britain and the FOX News network in America decided to report real news instead of Onion rip-offs
APPL (Apple, Inc.) Down 57% - John from Accounting keeps going on about his iPad, Pod, Phone, Mac and all his other iCrap the douchebag
SNY (Sony) - Up 200% - Decided not to sue anyone today for downloading, like, one song
BARC (Barclay's Bank, PLC) Up 45% - Bankers were generous and gave their bonuses to starving homeless people on street
