Future News: Archealogists Discover Relics Dating to Digital Age

Funny story written by Inhopeless

Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Future News: Archealogists Discover Relics Dating to Digital Age
an almost perfectly preserved foraging tool

This story will be published in 2136 (Digital Age date format) - BIRMINGHAM, EMPIRE OF C4M3R0N (former UK) - Archealogists from the Univeristy of Birmingham have discovered the entertainment habits of early 21st century peoples, known as Britons.

"We already know that these Britons were a fierce tribe," commented Dr. Jones. "they foraged for foods with the 'shopping trolley', which my colleuges at the University of Newer York in the Nation of East Americorp, can attest to, used ancient chariots known as Honders. We also know they scribbled wall paintings praising 'Cheryl who likes it hard'," he said, refering to a wall painting unearthed by diggers in the G-Q3 Sector (former Ealing).

However, the new findings include bigger things. According to literature of the period, found underneath a site for a SpacePort, known as the Sun, recorded that, as of Mon 08/11/2010 (Spacedate 01028110.1), the Britons worshipped an idol known as Wagner.

"They would witness the ritual of this Wagner every week, on the XFactor. Of course according to records found on the technological device of the day, a peecee, someone wrote a blog, about how he hates the X-Factor," he said referring to a device about the size of a large vehicular rocket-pack.

Scientists have found an small rectangle object, called an Apple eyepod.

"Why anyone would want to name a device of the age after a fruit, and now a fuel type for the inhabitants of Sertona-7, I wouldn't know," said Dr. Sarah Haynes of the Institute for the Idiot Age, "However this eye-pod gives us an idea of the audio data used for entertainment purposes. Of course, the eye-pod, circa 90023601-ish (13/06/2009), is a little battered, but we know that the Britons, and according to our colleagues at the Californian Empire University, these eye-pods were sold all over the known world.

What will this new information mean for the rest of the world?

"Well," says Dr. Haynes, "They were a barbaric lot."

As of press time, researchers into the Digital/Idiot Age found a 21st century-era caveman known by his wood-pulp-based labelling unit as 'Bill'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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