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Read full storyBeware the New Ides of March psychics tell the Queen
London - (Portents): The anagramatic ouija board was at it again this weekend, this time in Windsor Castle's notorious General Pinochet Memorial Wing, where the omens were grim. Comrade Fish and Rome Chief drew a stab, eh? flashed up dramatically...
Read full storyDick "The Dick" Cheney Shows That He Likes Liz, His Non-Lesbian Daughter More Than He Likes Mary, His Lesbian Daughter
KENOSHA, Wisconsin - Liz Cheney, the oldest of the two daughters of former acting Vice-President Dick Cheney, recently spoke before the yearly convention of The Professional Cheese Sniffers Coalition of Wisconsin. Liz, who is sometimes confused wi...
Read full storySusan Boyle buys a Scottish mansion
Susan Boyle, the Scottish lady with the wonderful voice is reported to have finally decided to move from her council house and has bought herself a mansion in the Scottish borders with easy access to Edinburgh Airport. Fears over her safety have g...
Read full story"We were sleep invading," claim US tanks discovered in the rubble of Tehran
The US administration were struggling to explain how one of its largest armoured divisions had completely razed the Iranian capital, despite the official line still being that diplomacy was the sole agenda with Iran. In an emergency address to the na...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Missionaries
I had an uncle once who was employed as a missionary. He spent half his life trying to convert the good natives of Brazil to his own particular brand of foolishness. All told he saved a total of six souls from perdition and drove countless thousands of others into various enemy camps with his incessant pestering and nagging. One day a band of would-be converts in a little village on the bank...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Astronomy
I love science. Of course, I never studied much of it in school because the stuff's too hard, but I still like it. Especially astronomy. The astronomers are on the verge of a major breakthrough in their study of the universe's eventual fate and I'm all agog at the prospects. They've already figured out how it began, of course. All the matter in the universe was compressed into a sing...
Read full storyRobert Thompson's new ID shattered
London - (Royal Ass Mess): Convicted child killer Robert Thompson's new ID has been shattered to smithereens this weekend following reports that since 2001 he has had a grace and favor job as a Buckingham Palace flunkey. The 27 year-old is apparen...
Read full storySmokefree America After Both Barack & Michelle's Butts!
The anti-smoking Smokefree group of America have heard enough about President Obama's smoking habit and have delivered a letter that they will not endorse him in the 2012 election if he cannot become a better example to today's youth. "We have be...
Read full storyOnline Dating typo led to torture session claims CIA lover
An unfortunate typing error led to an Ohio woman enduring an hour-long ordeal of torture by a man she met online. The man, Gerald Smarts, who claims to work for the CIA, said that he thought it was what she wanted. The woman, who asked not to be...
Read full storyAngelina, Jennifer Aniston Discovered Kissing In The Sack By Brad Pitt
"Well, well, well so you girls are on kissing terms", stated a puzzled Brad Pitt who had walked into The Sack, Monday. "All the tabloids have you scratching each others eyes out." Sooner or later most Hollywood types hear about the growing veggie...
Read full storyGordon Brown "Football isn't what it used to be"
Gordon Brown, the Force's sweetheart, risked his popular standing yesterday by declaring that : " Football isn't what it used to be in the 70's and early 80's." " I used to love" he explained " to stand in the terraces watching the players in t...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Gets Last Minute Oscar Nomination
Breaking news from Hollywood, the land of the mountain bike, is suggesting that Girls Aloud chanteuse, text victim, X-Factor judge and 5'3" pocket dynamo, our very own Cheryl Cole has been nominated at the eleventh hour for a special category Oscar.
Read full storyEliot Spitzer Back As Governor Of New York
Following a two year sabbatical, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer plans to resume office as the renewed and legally elected Governor of New York. Judging from Governor Sanford's successful grip on the South Carolina governor's mansion, (even...
Read full storyGordon Brown In Camp Bastion Equipment Ding - Dong
PM Gordon Brown flew into Helmand Province, Afghanistan today and sparked an unholy row with an army Quartermaster at Camp Bastion. An initially jovial Mr Brown stepped from his helicopter in the Camp Bastion compound and shook hands with senior a...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Affairs With Rolling Stones, Opening Band
A new story just now hitting the tabloids although whispered about for years, especially by the guys involved, claims that Angelina Jolie had affairs with Mick Jagger and possibly other members of the Stones and their opening bands. "She just did...
Read full storyJon Venables Held On Spoof Sex Charges
With the truth about the reason for child killer Jon Venables' reincarceration unlikely to be revealed anytime soon, I can exclusively reveal that Britain's notorious tabloid press have taken a leaf out of this Spoof writer's illustrious book and sim...
Read full storySubo culture first applicants arrive for tests
The first applicants for the BA in suboculture arrived today in Edinburgh. Accompanying them are 5 experienced spoof writers invited along to learn what all the fuss is about. The group assembled in the new suboculture portakabins for indoctrinati...
Read full storyChilean Earthquake Altered Time
You thought you knew the correct time. Wrong. The Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) seismic desk has calculated it is now 3 seconds earlier than it was before the 8.8 magnitude quake in Chili. There is a reason you were late for that meeting. Your...
Read full storyBillionairess Nicole Sconciaforni 'set up' John Terry
Billionairess, Nicole Sconiaforni is a bitter, bitter woman. John Terry making a play for her? Who is she trying to kid? After reportedly spending over SIX THOUSAND POUNDS on booze the night in question, a witness came forward saying that Nicole...
Read full storyPrisoner Reoffends
UK Society was rocked to its foundations after the first ever recorded incident of a released prisoner reoffending. The ex-con, who can not be named for legal reasons, was expected to do the same as the 200,000 prisoners released every week and se...
Read full storyTwo England Qualifiers Shirts COULD be up for Sale. Genuine articles.
I have 2, as yet, unworn, England Qualifier Shirts which I am 'thinking' of putting up for Sale, Having read in the Mirror today that Owen is 'out for the season' and Fergie's 'rather peed off at Rooney, who can't say NO', I'm left wondering if I'll ever get to wear either shirt now. I usually don a jersey whilst watching the EPL, World Cup, FA Cup, Carlin cup etc. games whilst living here in Can...
Read full storyPope reveals he finds Mighty Boosh funnier than illegally taped Confessions
A secret insider at the Vatican has revealed that the Pope finds the Mighty Boosh funnier than Confession. It is tradition in the Catholic church that all confessions have to be taped and sent to Rome. This is for the purpose of entertainment.
Read full storyTwo of Subo's fans known as The Bobbsey twins seen panhandling in Blackburn
A well know resident of Blackburn has reported, to the local paper, the sighting of two American Panhandlers in her small town. This resident, who wishes to remain anonymous, is the well known Scottish singer who loves to sip lemonade and the occasi...
Read full storyMan who eats Grass & Weeds to appear on Freaky eaters
A man who eats only grass and weeds is to appear on Freaky Eaters the television programme about strange eating habits. Li Sanju aged 50, began eating nothing but grass and weeds two years ago. Li claims that since changing his diet he has been...
Read full storyTiger seen on the golf course but no birdies
Tiger Woods was seen on the golf course practising for around 8 hours yesterday but hard as he tried he could not get any birdies. Tiger was apparently practising like a man possessed as it is believed he is going to make a comeback in the Tavist...
Read full storyManchester United buy Portsmouth Football Club
"Play on Pompey, Pompey play on" - the famous chimes will ring out again now that the South Coast's only premiership club has been saved by an unlikely benefactor - step forward Sir Alex Ferguson's Manchester United. In a statement Man United said...
Read full storyJon Venables The Evil Walter Mitty
A Whistleblower who works with the police has reported that evil Jon Venables is an Evil Walter Mitty character. Venables murdered two year old James Bulger,with his equally evil accomplice Robert Thompson in 1993 after torturing the toddler beforeha...
Read full storyAl Gore was TV weatherman for a week
Al Gore was given the job of Television Weatherman for a week in the smallest town in America, Tenney which is in North western Minnesota. The population of Tenney is six people and a dog although it was temporarily seven people and a dog when Al vis...
Read full storyLady GaGa gets goals in fact a Hatrick
Lady Gaga took part in a woman's soccer match recently and got Ga Ga goals in fact three goals, she scored a hatrick which is probably appropriate for the person with the worlds biggest hat collection. Lady Gaga mad about hats and fish and chips w...
Read full storyPittsburgh Steelers' QB Ben Roethlisberger Allegedly Charged With Intentionally Grounding His Balls
ATLANTA - Two-time Super Bowl winner and Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has found himself in a bit of a pickle. The possessor of one of the hardest NFL names to spell and pronounce was being investigated on charges of intention...
Read full storyKatie Price To Star In Blockbuster
British phenomenon Katie Price (aka Jordan) is to star as herself in a forthcoming biopic about her turbulent and eventful life. Based on her 110 autobiographies Katie is expected to reveal even more about herself, although it is hard to see what th...
Read full storyThe New Who
'The Who' took several weeks off to recuperate after their Super Bowl performance. Roger Daltry called Pete Townshend after two weeks rest and screamed "Who, Who, Who are we, are we men in our sixties, or are we the Who, Who, Who". Daltry didn't ha...
Read full storyHulk Hogan To Star In The Leading Role of The Richard Simmons Story
LOS ANGELES - Former wrestling great and now wrestling semi-has been Hulk Hogan has agreed to star in the Bellanino Terranini film, in association with Bungalow Pictures The Richard Simmons Story. Hogan was asked by Barbara Walters why in the worl...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Wants To Have All Of Her Freckles Removed, Especially The Ones On Her Biscuit
VENICE BEACH, California - Lindsay Lohan was in town visiting a specialist who removes freckles. Lohan said that Kathy Griffin who has so many freckles, that even her freckles have freckles recommended that she make an appointment to see Dr. Wint...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Agrees To Loan The Financially Strapped State of California $1 Billion!
CHICAGO - The queen of American talk shows and one of the richest women in the United States Oprah Winfrey has agreed to lend the financially strapped state of California $1 billion at an amazingly low 1.3 percent interest rate. Ms. Winfrey said t...
Read full storyPlayChick Offers Jon Gosselin $21,000 To Pose In The Nude - That Comes Out To $7,000 An Inch
CHICAGO - PlayChick Magazine, which is one of the leading women's magazine's in the nation has stated that they have made Jon Gosselin an offer of $21,000 to pose naked in their magazine. When his ex-wife Kate heard about it, she replied "$21,000!...
Read full storySpoof Writer in Convalescence After 6 Tabs of Viagra 24 Hours After Penis Extension Leaves him 'dizzy.'
Army and Marine Doctors, Navy Docs less so, were amazed at the remarkable recovery of Spoof Writer Frankie J after a Booze and Viagra Binge left him Dizzy, only 24 hours after a successful Penis extension enabled him to 'keep up with the boys." Pa...
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