A well know resident of Blackburn has reported, to the local paper, the sighting of two American Panhandlers in her small town. This resident, who wishes to remain anonymous, is the well known Scottish singer who loves to sip lemonade and the occasional Irn Bru.
Ms. Anonymous said she had hidden around a corner where one of the twins was sitting holding out her begging cup. She held a sign which read, Spent all my husband's money following Subo around the world. I don't have any of my own and I need to eat. She had her red scarf wrapped snuggly around her neck and was trying to pass as a busker by singing 'out of tune' tracks from IDAD.
To her left was another sign which read. For five pounds you can have this envelope. It contains my ASBO and will one day be a collector's piece.
No one was biting. People just passed her by. They recognized her. She'd been responsible for much havoc in their small town. These were kind people who had decided not to report her to police. One thing they DID do was 'return all her blessings' but having tried to cash them in at the local church, she remained penniless for months.
Little children had taken to this sad, pathetic looking woman and, seeing her red begging bowl empty, would drop off some of their lunch when they passed her on their way to school. Walkers crisps were her favourite.
Meanwhile in another part of Blackburn, her sister, similarly attired sporting a red scarf and holding out her red begging cup, was doing rather well for herself. Each night she returned home to a luxury room in a hotel just outside of Blackburn. She ordered room service and had bought a small (are their any BIG ones?) 'Beetle', red of course, for driving backward and forwards to HER cornerS
After a two month stint sitting on cold pavements begging, the twins had agreed to meet up and divide their cash, as good heavenly sisters do.
The first twin was surprised to see her sister drive up in a red Beetle, climb out wearing a 'fake' fur coat, still sporting her red scarf and holding a large suitcase.
She opened the suitcase, which was FULL of Scottish money and was pleased to see her sister, well and truly gobsmacked.
The gobsmacked twin said, "Oh my. You must have been doing a lot of praying my dearest. The Lord has indeed blessed you. I'm too knackered to pray these days. But do tell me HOW you made so much money in 2 months whilst I have been living on Walkers crisps and bits of haggis given to me by local schoolchildren.?"
"Oh it was amazingly easy my dearest, beloved sister. I moved to different areas each day and held a sign which read. I AM AN AMERICAN SUBU FANATIC WHO TERRORIZED BLACKBURN PASSING OUT BLESSINGS AND BUTTONS. I ONLY NEED TEN MORE POUNDS FOR A TICKET BACK TO THE USA."
