Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 6 March 2010

image for Jon Venables Held On Spoof Sex Charges
The Truth Is The Victim - The Hunt Goes On

With the truth about the reason for child killer Jon Venables' reincarceration unlikely to be revealed anytime soon, I can exclusively reveal that Britain's notorious tabloid press have taken a leaf out of this Spoof writer's illustrious book and simply made the headlines up.

It has been alleged that Jon Venables, now 27, has been returned to prison in breach of conditions for a sex offence. Not only a sex offence, but a VERY SERIOUS sex offence.

According to the tabloids, who in the finest tradition of spoofery made the whole thing up. Venables, who along with his little buddy Thompson brutally murdered 2 year old Jamie Bulger in 1993 has provoked uproar in the UK as the Home Office refuses to divulge the reasons for his reincarceration, threatening anybody who does so with the full weight of the law.

Even if they did know the truth, the press can't reveal details owing to legal restrictions, so, as eager as ever to please, they came up with the 'VERY SERIOUS SEX OFFENCE' line, which is guaranteed to sell papers and generate on-line hits, but which is in no way an item of undisputed truth.

Venables may well be a 'SERIOUS SEX OFFENDER' but the bottom line is that the only people who really know why he was thrown back in prison aren't telling.

That is A FACT.

Here at Skoob News, I am, frankly quite disappointed with the tabloids. They missed out on a fantastic Spoof opportunity.

They could just as well have run headlines about Jon Venables sending Ashley Cole sexy text messages, or Jon Venables in an illicit menage a trois with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

Why not Jon Venables falling off a mountain bike? Or Jon Venables making a charity CD with Susan Boyle and Cheryl Cole? Or Jon Venables eloping with the woman with the world's largest vagina?

Quite frankly, the tabloids have sacrificed pure spoofery on the altar of lurid headlines.

I spoke to a reporter from one of the UK's leading 'heavyweight' newspapers, a very serious organ indeed, and he told me:

"Those tabloid headline writers couldn't cut the mustard on Skoob News. They just don't have the imagination."

Seems to be a classic case of: "Don't call us. We'll call you."

More as I make it up!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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