Chilean Earthquake Altered Time

Written by C. Cranium

Saturday, 6 March 2010

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You thought you knew the correct time. Wrong. The Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) seismic desk has calculated it is now 3 seconds earlier than it was before the 8.8 magnitude quake in Chili. There is a reason you were late for that meeting. Your watch is askew.

The JPL has calculated the reason for the loss of time is because the earth's axis has shifted. The day is shorter. Prices have gone up. Forget 24 hours for that cheap DVD rental - its now 23.999999...more hours. Your pets know all about it and are concerned they will be fed later.

The boys (and some girls) at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich are in a panic since all their calculations must be redone. They think, but aren't sure, that Latitude and Longitude are all screwed up.

- Nautical charts must be reconfigured. Container vessels on the Atlantic won't hit Elizabeth NJ; they will end up on the Jersey Shore.

- Curfews are earlier - the kids must be home by 10:59:57 rather than 11:00.

- The day is shorter. Crops will fail with less daylight. Suntans will suffer. Vacations will be cut short. Life is different.

- Time Zones must be moved.

- Christmas sales will change -- not 5 AM but earlier.

- The state of Indiana, already confused by daylight savings, must decide all over again who is in Eastern and who is in Central.

Ironically life is continuing and people are going about their routines. President Obama has eased the global concerns by stating 'Whats a few seconds?". The Republican opposition is strangely in agreement because it will take less time for big bonuses to accrue.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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