Jesse James' "TattooGate" - Melissa Smith Is Cycle Chick #2
LOS ANGELES - Well it appears that the "Girls of TattooGate" are starting to come out of the woodwork or more accurately hardwood. And as if sweet little Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock doesn't have enough to worry about with Michelle "Bombsh...
Read full storyHigh Speed Rail Travel in Ohio
The Department of Transportation in Ohio, ODOT, and the state have been looking in to the feasibility of high speed transportation between Cleveland in the Northern part of the state and Cincinnati in the Southern part, and numerous stops in between.
Read full storyHappy Birthday Nancy Pelposi/Leonard Nimoy/Alan Arkin/James Caan/Bob Woodward/Diana Ross/Keira Knightley, etc: lousiest astrologial day of the year so far!
Cyberspace - (Portents): A hideous Sun square Pluto aspect on Friday 26 March spells doom in the year ahead for the Dems' Madam Speaker as she turns 69. The 3.45GMT celestial clash is a cosmic foretaste of a disastrous coming 12 months which promi...
Read full storyJesse Jackson and Jeremiah Wright Outraged at Obama and Health Care Reform
The Reverend Jesse Jackson and his evil twin Reverend Jeremiah Wright stood side by side with fists raised high and openly condemned both President Obama and his Health Care Reform. Fortunately you, the reader, did not have to sit and wait through on...
Read full storyPissed off Pope Issues Don't Ask, Don't Tell Mandate to Media
Breaking news out of Vatican City has the Pope at the very core of the sex abuse scandal that is rocking the Roman Catholic Church, and the Pope is none too pleased about the fact that he can do little to quell the suspicions. Evidently, writing a...
Read full storyBush wipes hand on Clinton shirt amid Haiti longdrop toilet paper rationing
Port Au Pants - (Rotters): Bewildered Haitians, still in shock following the earthquake devastation of their island home, are gobsmacked. A humanitarian visit to their ravaged country by two former US Commanders-in-Chief has descended into farce.
Read full storyActing like an old cougar on Viagra, Hilary Clinton giggles, flirts with goofy Pak Foreign Minister then sends him home empty-handed; Fatwa says he engaged in unbecoming behaviour for a Muslim male
WASHINGTON: Having raided the country's Treasury for its sartorial funds, the Armani-suited Pak delegation headed by 'democratic' leader - the latest Army General stormed into the capital waving a 200-page list of demands. Having failed to wean t...
Read full storyEgg Foo Yuck
A Chinese journalist caused controversy at a recent press conference when he asked Gordon Brown: "When you think you will have an erection?" After the laughter had stopped, Mr Brown replied carefully. "That will happen when the time is ready. I...
Read full storyGW signals Bill Clinton let's get the hell outta here my throats as dry as Texas in July
On a visit to Haiti, ex Presidents, GW and Bill Clinton are working to a really tight schedule. Today they went walkabout and met many Haitians, shaking hands and smiling broadly. The guys, however, had a prearranged signal that said, right that's...
Read full storyIt is the E not the V we need to worry about!
Europeans and not the Visitors are our true enemies and are ALIENS! Did you know they do have universal health care? And worst of all, many of them are living among us Americans. You can tell them apart if you pay attention. They usually hav...
Read full storyDutch legal Coffee shop owner jailed for selling illegal drugs in his legal coffee shop, it's Double-Dutch!
A Coffee shop owner in Terneuzen, Holland has been jailed for doing his legal job, selling drugs illegally, get it? In Holland it's legal to sell drugs in coffee shops but it is also illegal, just tolerated so it becomes legal, get the gist? Th...
Read full storyHM the Queen congratulates Countdown on the 5,000th show
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, has said thank you to Countdown, the CH4 game show that tests contestants arithmetic and word making skills. HRH loves to play against her Private Secretaries. She has the show recorded each afternoon and watches i...
Read full storyObama Picks General Field Marshal Cinque Mtume To Kill Osama bin Laden
Showing his disdain for the Pentagon and its useless generals and admirals who have botched attempts to capture or kill Osama bin Laden, President Obama today selected General Field Marshall Cinque Mtume for this assignment. In doing so, he bypassed...
Read full storyCouple Getting Married While Sky Diving Kiss Too Long
A couple of lovers from Little Cock, Arkansas, who also loved sky-diving, apparently decided over the weekend to tie the knot -so they thought they would combine their two main loves and get married while sky-diving. So Sunday afternoon on a beaut...
Read full storyUseless Gifts 6 : The Can Crusher
Honey? I need a favour... You drink a lot of lager and cans of cider. I got a letter from the council saying that if we didn't start crushing of those cans when we put out the recycle stuff they would turn our property into the newest landfill area and possibly set our house on fire with burning garbage. But, you see, the problem is that I have a lot of trouble stamping on a can to make it f...
Read full storyTiger Apparently Played "Masters" In Bed With A Third Professional Sex Worker
Still another worker in the sex trade has come forward to place her name alongside Joslyn James and Holly Sampson as a sex partner with Tiger Woods. Devon James now says she has been with Tiger for over two years and has the recordings to back it...
Read full storyHoward Webb - I Felt Something For Darren Fletcher
Howard Webb, the top Premiership referee, has talked for the first time about his astonishing HOMO-EROTIC display in the recent Manchester United v Liverpool clash when he put his manly ARMS AROUND Manchester United and Scotland defender Darren Fletc...
Read full storyWhite settler sells off Scotland's natural heritage for an in you face, in your crotch, on your lap spending spree
Rupert Cholmondley-Farquarson, a white settler of the Isle of Skye has earned himself a 2 year jail stretch for doing what comes naturally. To finance his nightly visits to lap dance clubs in Inverness. Scotland he fraudently sold off his neighbou...
Read full storyJesse James Admits "Circus Freaks Turn Me On"
In yet another bombshell dropped by Jesse James, he admits that not only is he attracted to heavily tattooed ladies, but he has a penchant for overweight and bearded women as well. "I grew up around the circus," he said. My cousin was a tight-rope...
Read full storyThe problems of a man just two feet tall
Here is a story for one and all of a man just two feet tall. He Ping Ping who was only two feet five inches tall died recently aged only 21 years of age. He loved cats and he smoked from the age he was seven which stunted his growth. Peter Crouch a footballer and one of the worlds tallest men, was fascinated by the story of little Ping Ping, and wanted to find out what it would be like to on...
Read full storyFormer Running Back OJ Converted to Center In Prison, Hasn't Missed a Handoff!
Reports out of Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Facility seem to confirm what everyone long suspected; America's All American Running Back, OJ Simpson, has slowed down some, and now has resorted to bending over the ball, rather than carrying it! A r...
Read full storySusan Boyle's Distant Cousin Channels Elvis Perfectly When Drunk
County Cork, Ireland - Folks in the small town of Carrigtwohill, Cork County, Ireland are scratching their heads these days ever since a local mediocre pub singer by the name of Shawn Boyle, distant cousin to popular Scottish singer, Susan Boyle, sta...
Read full storyLabour Hope To Win Votes With Flea Circus
The Labour Party is to sponsor a flea circus to try and improve its tarnished image with the British public and desperately cling on to power. Titled 'Far-Out Fred's Insectivous Menagerie of Wonder Sponsored by Labour' the circus is to tour major...
Read full storyComputer Company Forced to Relocate From Mother's Garage to Garden Shed
In the summer of 1979, college graduates Fred Bongersmoker and Harvey Wunkerpiddle moved into Fred's mother's garage and started building computer components. 31 years later, with the company fallen on hard times due to the Recession, the two have be...
Read full storyBridge and Perroncel in court over son's paternity test
London - (Gonads): The couple have attended a Royal Courts Of Justice Family Division hearing amid fears that Spoof writer Queen Mudder's 1st February DNA report might conceivably carry a smidgen of accuracy. Ms Perroncel's deposition states that...
Read full storyBieber's Manager Arrested
The manager of pop sensation Justin Bieber has been arrested following a brawl at one of Bieber's events. Scott 'Scooter' Braun, heir to the famous electric shaver empire is said to have taken 90 minutes to cancel the event after he decided 'it was t...
Read full story50 Cent enjoying treating himself to a little Cheryl Cole
The rapper 50 cent is reportedly enjoying the lovely company of British popstar and national treasure Cheryl Cole. Fiddy has revealed in an interview that though he can barely make out what she says in her thick heavy accent he loves to hear her...
Read full storyWesleyan University serpentologists blame Sandra Bullock for 1997 arson disaster
Middletown, Connecticut - (Snake-in-the-Grass): A Wesleyan University secret society today blamed Sandra Bullock for the 1997 destruction of the Mystical Seven cult frat's meeting house called The Snake Pit. The Skull And Serpent spokesman said th...
Read full storyAllister Darling Cautioned After He Tries to Rescue Brown Who Climbed Tree, Got Out on Limb and Couldn't Get Down!
Chancellor Allister Darling, no pun intended, got himself in hot water after his budget proposal designed to rescue PM Gordon Brown who had climbed a tree in a fit of pique, crawled out on a limb, and refused to return to his office during the natio...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart find Drunks buy The Twilight Saga New Moon DVD
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been advised that research has shown that a large percentage of people seem to buy the Twilight Saga New Moon DVD after they get totally drunk. Yesterday for example Richard and Judy plus their daughter Ch...
Read full storySimon Cowell involved in huge fight with Ashley Cole!
Ashley Cole distraught husband of Cheryl Cole has decided to act upon his suspicions that Cowell has long been after his lass since inviting her to sit beside him on the judging panel on the X-Factor. Cole was getting annoyed by the frequent calls...
Read full storyNanny McPhee claims she is better looking than Judy Finnigan
Judy Finnigan was looking rather worse for wear yesterday after leaving a Pub where she had a liquid lunch. Finnigan drank several bottles of wine after which she made Ugly Betty look like a beauty queen. Her husband Richard Mad Madeley and her dau...
Read full storyBiden defiant following cussing words
Washington DC, Wednesday. Vice President Joe Biden has explained his unfortunate choice of words captured on microphone as a wrongful interpretation by the world's press. "What I really said was...'this is a fig sucking eel' referring the Preside...
Read full storyElin Woods Says She Hopes Tiger Loses Masters, Finishes Last!
Elin Woods says that Tiger's old problems with his mistress has NOT been settled, even though the golf people and their money would like to think so. Elin reportedly told a tabloid yet unidentified, but definitely on a shelf soon at your grocer, t...
Read full storySinead O'Connor Calls Pope a Criminal . . . Again
She shot to fame 20 years ago with her shaved head, chiseled cheeks and haunting rendition of the song "Nothing Compares 2 U." Then she gained notoriety when she tore up a photo of Pope John Paul II on American TV, calling him "the enemy" and urging...
Read full storyFrightened Dem Lawmakers Flee to Ottawa to Escape "Racist" Criticism: Say They're Terrified to Face Voters at 'Home.'
Border checkpoints in northern Vermont and Maine were overwhelmed as a horde of elected Democratic Lawmakers fled their home states to seek asylum in Canada and shield themselves from criticism from voters. A spokesman for Border Security said, "I...
Read full storyDEMS Point Proudly to Rep. Alcee Hastings to Prove Criminal Rehab Really Does Work!
Following the tumultuous celebration in the White House commemorating America's entrance into the Third World, White House leaders pointed out another of their achievements by feting impeached Federal Judge Alcee Hastings as "Come Back Player of th...
Read full story"More Green Jobs",Washington, DC Legalizes Home Grown Pot Thanks to ObamaCare!
Voting under the mantel of "More Green Jobs" and "Fighting against Global Warming" the city council finally managed to pass a 2010 budget sustaining their 1998 vote to legalize home grown marijuana. Former Mayor, now city councilman, Marion Barry,...
Read full storyThief in Burka gets off as victim fails to identify her
A female thief known as Fatima the Thief who is apparently responsible for hundreds of robberies in the North of England seems to keep getting away with her crimes because she wears a Burka. She allegedly attacked a 92 year old man in Newcastle and s...
Read full storyCheryl Cole would like to get married to 50 cent!
We can all give it up to our nations sweetheart to once again surprise us, rumours and speculation abound (mostly in my dreams, but, yunno) that Cheryl Cole has a major crush on rapper 50 cent for the longest time, possibly even during the time she w...
Read full storyFather Hackett writes to the Pope and tells him to Feck Off
Father Hackett has written to the Pope telling him to Feck Off,all because of something that happened on the Popes last visit to Ireland. Father Hackett met the Pope on his visit to Ireland in September 1979 and lent the Pope a tenor, no not one of t...
Read full storyWorzel Gummidge: I am a cider drinker
Worzel Gummidge is absolutely furious that Alastair Dullthing in his crap budget is raising the price of Cider by 10% its a disaster for Cider drinkers. Worzel put on his boozing head after watching Chancellor Dullthings Budget,he then called up...
Read full storyIllegal Entry
A miracle is said to be an event that scientifically contradicts the laws of nature: Buddha's walking on water, Jesus raising the dead etc. Other miracles might be: escaping a life threatening situation or 'beating the odds'. Those who are familiar with 'electronic crimes' know that, as of 1970's, several books have been published covering various areas such as 'illegal entry' or 'wiretapping'.
Read full storyJoe Jonas and Demi Lovato Bring The American Idol House Down And Totally Impress "The Big Black Dawg"
HOLLYWOOD - Teen singing sensations Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato appeared on the American Idol results show and literally brought the house down with their fantastic rendition of the old Sonny and Cher song, "I Got You Babe." The two teen heartthrobs...
Read full storyMichelle "Bombshell" McGee Did All Of Her Tattoos Using The Color-By-Numbers Process
SIOUX CITY, Iowa - The most famous tattooed woman in the world Michelle McGee, aka "Bombshell," aka "Tit For Tat," aka "The Human Tattoo Catalog" has admitted that yes she personally did all of her tattoos using the famous Ronco Color-By-Numbers Tatt...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Tony Dovolani Says He Has Got His Hands Full With Kate "Graceless" Gosselin
LOS ANGELES - Kate Gosselin's professional dance partner on Dancing With The Stars Tony Dovolani has flat out come out and said that he has certainly got his hands full this year with the star of the former reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8. Tony r...
Read full storyMexico Finally Bans Those Big, Gigantic, Silly-Looking Sombreros
MEXICO CITY - The Republic of Mexico has voted 51 to 49 to ban the use of those humongous oversized hats known as sombreros. A government spokesperson who requested anonymity stated that it is about time that the silly practice of grown men and wo...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Watch Reality Shows on T.V.
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Watch Reality Shows On T.V. 10. They are made for people who don't have a life. 9. They "star" idiots who want their 15 (or more) minutes of fame. 8. They're cheap to make because the participants take part for FREE because THEY don't have a life. 7. These shows are stupid. Extremely stupid people 'star' (if you can call it that) in them in...
Read full storyLas Vegas Odds Makers Taking Bets on the "N" Word
Las Vegas, NV - Taking a sharp turn away from sports betting, Las Vegas odds makers are said to be taking silent bets from some of the top businessmen and politicians in the country on who will be the first high-profile personality to come right out...
Read full storyBernanke Arrested in Pawn Shop-Prostitution Sting
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke was arrested by DC police in a stunning sting operation. The suspected ring operated through various Pawn Shops where pussy was used as collateral with interested 'johns' paying the interest. Tips were pr...
Read full storyNew Study Suggests News Climate Is Warming
A new study suggests that the IPCC is losing 10% of it's credibility mass every month, and could have completely disappeared by Christmas. "It's shrinking faster that we thought" said Anthony Watts the renowned skeptical blogger, who led a small...
Read full storyEmpress Pelosy of Witzenborg to Visit the United States
Witzenborg: Her royal highness the Queen of Witzenborg announced that her daughter Empress Pelosy will be visiting the White House and Capitol Hill in Washington DC in April 2010. A spokesman for the queen further indicated the visit by the empres...
Read full storyWidow Parsons Says Guy On That One TV Show May Have Raped Me!
The widow Eulabelle Parsons of Beaver Valley, in east Tennessee told police this morning "that that one guy that used to be on TV" may have raped her. When asked which guy, she stated, "Well, I don't know, there's so many shows on and all those ch...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie After Robert Pattinson? No, Apparently It's Kristen Stewart
Even old hands at reporting in Hollywood are getting mixed-up with who's who and what's what these days. According to the latest news in "Hollywood Blue", Kristen Stewart who has been battling with another vampire lady has ran head first into a re...
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