Written by Cuff

Thursday, 25 March 2010

image for Bernanke Arrested in Pawn Shop-Prostitution Sting
Uncle slam bam thankyou ma'am!

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke was arrested by DC police in a stunning sting operation.

The suspected ring operated through various Pawn Shops where pussy was used as collateral with interested 'johns' paying the interest.

Tips were provided from a former ACORN representative who had devised the scam and was granted immunity from prosecution for her cooperation.

Local police were not interested in the silly business as usual until they were notified that their pension plan was bankrupt due to the incredible stupidity of the plan's investment in mortgage based derivatives and that Bernanke was the moron that jacked the interests rates up too fast too soon causing the world wide meltdown.

No not the Al Gore meltdown up in the air, the financial one.

The most bizarre aspect of the sting is that Bernanke did not go to the staked out pawn shop for sex but rather in a feeble attempt to sell Treasury Bonds!

"I didn't know what else to do. These things are cuffing worthless and not even the Chinese are buying them. Worse than that the Sheiks in Saudi bought every gallon of the green ink we use to print money; we are so screwed."

As is often the case when frying under bright lights held by poor hard working saps who have no chance at retirement this century, Bernanke sang like a drunk Democrat after happy hour on Karaoke night.

"I'm not going down alone on this deal. This would never have happened if that Fag Barney Frank hadn't slipped a mickey in my orange juice and took those pictures. I still have nightmares. I use to be a good little fiscal conservative but what was I supposed to do?"

When pressed by the pissed off lawpersons for the reasons a conservative appointee would turn into a raging careless radical.

"Okay, okay I'll cop to the prostitution charge but you gotta cut me a break. I'll take them all down."

Facing 350 million counts of rape Mr. Bernanke was released into federal custody and has not been seen or heard from since.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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