White settler sells off Scotland's natural heritage for an in you face, in your crotch, on your lap spending spree

Written by Nae mair crap

Thursday, 25 March 2010

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Rupert Cholmondley-Farquarson, a white settler of the Isle of Skye has earned himself a 2 year jail stretch for doing what comes naturally.

To finance his nightly visits to lap dance clubs in Inverness. Scotland he fraudently sold off his neighbours land. Over a period of 3 years he spent £2 million pounds, money obtained by fraudulent deception.

The High Court in Inverness was stunned into silence as full details of his profligate spending were read out by the prosecuting lawyer. The accused was well aware of the charges he would incur by asking for "special favours" from lap dancers. He became known as Mr I M Inyourface as a result of his constant wish for lap dancers to shake their boobies in his face. Each booby shake was charged at £1000. Charges for other invasions of his person included: £2000 for each in your crotch and £5000 for each in your lap. He also incurred an additional £500 for the Mackintosh coat he preferred to wear.

On his many birthdays the management of the club would only allow 3 personal invasions an hour for which he would pay cash and no touching, pawing or roaring like a werewolf. Private werewolf sessions would cost him £10000.

The Court did not accept his plea of not guilty due to an addiction to Chanel no10 and following sentence he was led away dressed in high heels and Mackintosh borrowed from the male Clerk of the Court.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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