Susan Boyle's Distant Cousin Channels Elvis Perfectly When Drunk

Funny story written by Charpa93

Thursday, 25 March 2010

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County Cork, Ireland - Folks in the small town of Carrigtwohill, Cork County, Ireland are scratching their heads these days ever since a local mediocre pub singer by the name of Shawn Boyle, distant cousin to popular Scottish singer, Susan Boyle, started "channeling" Elvis Presley while falling down drunk.

Said the barkeep at Duffy's Pub, where Boyle regularly does a Friday and Saturday show consisting of Irish folk songs and sea shanties, "one night we was sittin' there watchin' ole Shawn belt out "Sweet Molly Malone," when all of a sudden, 'e takes another drink of 'e's pint and down on the floor 'e falls." When 'e came to for a bit, 'e started singing an old Elvis hit "I can't help fallin' in love wit' you," and I swear by me sweet mother's grave, 'e became Elvis for that short time. We was speechless."

Since then, Shawn has been asked to sing Elvis while he is sober and he just shakes his head and wonders what the hell everyone is talking about. Said a friend, "'e honestly don't know what we are referrin' to. Why just last night, after 'e'd downed about 8 pints, 'e sat in a stupor on the floor, and pleased as you may, started singing "Blue Suede Shoes" while moving e's pelvis to and fro. It has to be one of the oddest things I've ever seen in me life. I still have that damn song in me head this morning…it's one for the money, bump bump…two for the show…bump bump…damn me if he wasn't Elvis. I swear by all that's holy."

Duffy's Pub owner, Patrick Duffy, has big plans for Shawn. "At this very moment," he said, "I'm 'avin' the local seamstress put together a white jumpsuit wit' sequins just like Elvis wore in 'e's last moments. I already got 'im a black wig what's in a pompadour style haircut and some make-up, and when Shawn's passed out for those few minutes before "Elvis" arrives, me 'n the boys is gonna dress him up, prop him up as best we can, and re-create the Elvis experience for the folks. Hell, from what we've 'eard about Elvis' last days, 'avin' a drunk Shawn Boyle up there on stage dressed like Elvis will be so realistic, people may just starting 'avin' déjà vu moments all over again.

The folks in Carrigtwohill also plan on contacting Simon Cowell and asking if there's a way to get Boyle on the "Britain's Got Talent" show. Said Dingle, "this 'ere's one act that has to be shared wit' the world. I mean, 'e's Elvis come back from the dead right 'ere in County Cork. T' our way of thinkin' it would be a travesty not to share it wit' the world. And the fact that 'e's a distant cousin to Susan Boyle, well, that's just icin' on the cake now ain't it?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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