Las Vegas Odds Makers Taking Bets on the "N" Word

Funny story written by Charpa93

Thursday, 25 March 2010

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Las Vegas, NV - Taking a sharp turn away from sports betting, Las Vegas odds makers are said to be taking silent bets from some of the top businessmen and politicians in the country on who will be the first high-profile personality to come right out and call the President the "N" word publicly.

Al Betz, the first bookmaker to come up with the plan, said that bookies early on thought it would be over before it started while watching the debates on health care reform Sunday. Said Betz, "There were reports of some protesters outside Congress throwing out the "N" word at black Democrats, but none of them were really newsworthy people and none of them were specifically calling the President a Ni**er, so we disqualified them.

The bets are focused on really well-known personalities. Betz continued, "We honestly thought we had a winner about an hour after the health care reform bill was passed when Rush Limbaugh vowed to take the President and his people down. He came 'this' close," motioned Betz with his index and thumb just barely touching, "but he moved away from it. We could almost see the "N" word form on his lips, but he pulled back just in time and all that came out of it was a gnarly snarl that erupted into the word Nazi and then more spewing of venom."

Other frontrunners getting lots of action include hot-headed Sen. John Boehner (R-Ohio) and openly angry Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R-Texas) who couldn't contain himself from shouting "baby killer" when Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Michigan) announced he was switching his health care reform vote to yes. These are the folks with deep-seated hatred who have let the heated rhetoric cause them to say audacious things without first engaging the brain. One bookmaker said he was just sorry that Jesse Helms was not in the running. "Hell, I think Helms would have shouted the "N" word first just to skew the odds," he said with a chuckle.

An unusual politician getting a good portion of the action is none other than Harry Reid, who, earlier this year had Republicans up in arms when he referred to Obama as an articulate, light-skinned Negro. Although he apologized and said he meant his comments in the kindest way toward the President, the generational bias was palpable and some odds makers say that Reid may still let the "N" word slip, albeit not in a hateful way.

One other unusual contender getting quite a few votes is none other than Michael Steele, Republican National Committee Chairman, who is, himself, of African-American decent. In the case of Steele, a caveat has been added on any bets placed that say that he cannot win the bet if, when referring to Obama with the "N" word, he does it in a "brotherly" way such as referring to Obama's ability to get the health care bill passed as something to the effect of "that is one bad-assed Ni**er what just got that bitch bill passed."

Some other rules are that the "N" word can be uttered to a private group as long as there are enough witnesses to verify it being said, such as at a Town Hall Meeting, an RNC fundraiser, even a state or national championship BBQ contest as long as it is uttered by someone with clout.

However, the big money is focusing on a national television or radio broadcaster who uses the "N" word in context and vehemently live on the air. "That's where the big bucks are gonna pay off," said Hal Litzer, part-time bookie and president of the local NRA chapter.

As word of the bet becomes more widespread, there is the possibility that gamblers who have big money riding on it will call into shows such as that aired by Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck to try and elicit angry responses that will ultimately lead to a tirade where the "N" word is not only spoken, but spewed over and over and over again with no apologies whatsoever.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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