Snake Oil Spill on DC Mall: Beck & Palin (BP) 2012

Written by b kenneth mcgee

Monday, 30 August 2010


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As the blogoshere started humming over the prospects of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin becoming the Republican nominees for President in 2012, reports from the Beck rally on Saturday indicated that not everyone was as enthusiastic as Fox News.

Journalists on the scene reported that quite a few people became ill and trucks with hundreds of volunteers dressed in Haz/Mat gear cleaned the participants with Dove Soap and paper towels as they left the area. Volunteers from the Humane Society rushed to pick up and clean sick pigeons and squirrels. "We'll get as many of these poor sick animals as possible back into their habitats as quickly as we can," said a volunteer. Another volunteer cleaning the people leaving the rally said, "We'll get as many of these poor sick animals back into their habitats as quickly as possible."

The AP is reporting that Beck and Palin left the rally in a limousine and drove to Dulles Airport to secretly meet with Tony Hayward, ex CEO of BP. An insider, speaking on condition of anonymity said the two presidential hopefuls were meeting with Hayward to discuss his managing their 2012 campaign. "Tony knows the ropes," said the insider. "He wants to get his life back again and thinks there is no better way to do it. He doesn't feel the Beck/Palin gaffes will spill over into the election year. "I will get you a gazillion barrels of votes," Hayward is rumored to have told the two candidates.

In related news, a reporter from The New Republic suffered a heart attack and died at the end of Beck's speech. Word was flashed to Beck and he rushed into the crowd and raised the man from the dead! Bystanders say the man's eyes fluttered open, he saw Glenn Beck with a beatific look on his face, uttered "Oh shit," and drew his last breath.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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