Blockbuster Video, 25, Dies After Prolonged Illness

Written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 30 August 2010


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Blockbuster Video, : "We don't care about Netflix. Netflix will appr

Florida based video rental chain Blockbuster Video, which reinvented the prevailing business model in an industry that did not exist before 1980, has finally passed away, the victim of its own arrogance and refusal to believe that competitors' innovation could undermine its business.

Blockbuster stated on Friday that it is likely 30 days away from filing for Chapter 11, allowing management to remain in control while it restructures the business with the agreement of creditors.

Aren't You Being Too Hard On Blockbuster?

No. I have no sympathy for a company whose our-shit-doesn't-stink attitude ruined them. As an example, Netflix entered the market in 1997, and delivered its millionth DVD in 1998.

Blockbuster entered the online rental business in August 2004.

Seven. Years. Later. Too hard? F--k 'em.

The Street responded by allowing Blockbuster's stock, which was removed from the NASDAQ in July, to drop in weekend trading to 7 f--king cents ($0.07).

It's historical high came soon after the VHS release of Titanic in 1998, when a share of the company sold for $113.85.

To imagine what kind of financial destruction Blockbuster has foisted upon its shareholders, do the following exercise:

1.) Withdraw from an ATM some cash. Make it a nice, round number, like $400.00.

2.) Go to a convenience store, and purchase a pack of M&M Peanuts for 69 cents.

3.) Take the remaining $399.31, and throw in down the f--king sewer.

4.) Recognize that you are still better off than our theoretical investor, because for every $400.00 worth of Blockbuster's stock purchased at the historical high, as of today you'd have a quarter and a penny: 26 cents.

Blockbuster's death, however, is still being denied by the company's leadership team.

"We are making good progress in our recapitalization process," said a company spokesperson, who delivered this news with her fingers crosses behind her back. "Our discussions with the studios and bondholders continue to be productive."

"We have every reason to believe we will come out of the recapitalization process financially stronger and more competitively positioned for the future."

In lieu of flowers, donations in the deceased's name can be made to any retirees whom Blockbuster f--ked over.

There are many.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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