Shedd Aquarium to Exhibit Asian Carp Exclusively

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 30 August 2010

image for Shedd Aquarium to Exhibit Asian Carp Exclusively
A puny 7 pound Asian Carp, and a thousand of his brothers to be featured at the Shedd Aquarium next spring

Chicago's Shedd Aquarium, known for its accuracy in depicting the variety of aquatic life in and around the Great Lakes, will upgrade all fresh water exhibits to feature only Asian Carp.

Regretting its former stance in a white paper published in 2009, Shedd Aquarium marine biologists who supported the electric fence barrier as an adequate shield against carp advancement into the lakes, now admit they didn't know the huge fish could jump. "About as high as Michael Jordan with a blow torch under his arse", says Dr. Lester B. Raines. "We underestimated the carp's vertical leap as well as their appetite. They're like a bunch of fat kids fighting over a cupcake."

Now that the carp have been spotted beyond the electric barrier and can swim miles per day, they are expected to hide nicely in the depths of Lake Michigan and Superior before anyone notices them. "By then, it will be too late", says Raines. "We still expect to see variety in the lakes", says Raines with a positive tone, "Adult carp, adolescent carp and baby carp".

Getting a jump on aquarium displays in anticipation for an all-carp ecosystem, Raines plans to open the all-carp Shedd Aquarium next spring. Critics asked why other aquatic creatures like frogs, snails and turtles were also removed from exhibits. Raines responded, "Oh, the carp eat them too. Those are just Scooby snacks to a full grown carp."

The All-Carp Shedd Aquarium will be open to the public in April 2011. They expect to cater to tens of visitors each month.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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