Lean and Scary Doctors More Skilled and Safe
Dr. Majapour Mileeka, Director of Behavorial Sciences at Berkerly Univeristy, has discovered that doctors with a lean and peculiar appearance are generally superior in both their safety and quality of service provided when compared to regular doctors...
Read full storyThousands in terror jet plunge
A blazing Airbus Boeing 727 Jumbo Jet plunged tens of thousand feet in seconds over the raging waters of the Atlantic as the 1200 passengers on the plummeting jet screamed in terror. As the aircraft plunged 90,000 feet from its cruise altitude of 78,...
Read full storyBilly Connolly writes new song about Susan Boyle
Billy, the Big Yin, has put pen to paper for Susan Boyle. His new ditty is sung to the tune of D-I-V-O-R-C-E which is a parody of another song which I know nothing aboot. A C-H-E(space)Q-U-E arrived for Susan Boyle today. She earned it from the great CD that recently came our way. Simon Cowell, he was so chuffed, he wet his P-A-N-T-S When asked to record another CD -Susan Boyle said Y-...
Read full storyStore Wars - Episode Three - Revenge of the Spar
After last week's revelation that Chaka Khan has bought budget Supermarket ASDA, the supermarket world hit back today lowering their petrol prices 5p below ASDA's cheap price of just 97.9p per litre. But Convenience giants Spar have gone one step...
Read full storyPapal UK Visit Good News For Local Man
Local man Martin Shuttlecock had the shock of a lifetime waiting for him last night when he staggered in, exhausted from another extremely hard day at work. Long suffering wife Anne appeared to be unusually excited as she waved a letter at him, en...
Read full storyJesus Christ Crashes a Church Ceremony
Las Vegas, Nevada - Jesus Christ appeared at the Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, Nevada to denounce feminist to a large group of practitioners who attended the Sunday Ceremony. After showing up anonymously to the Sunday ceremony, he held...
Read full storyThe Pope Get's The Joke. He's A Right Laugh Really.
The civil service can relax. An official delegation from The Vatican arrived in London today in a black Limo with tinted windows. The vehicle contained some chappies from Italia, in dark suits and ray-bans. Who looked a bit intimidating. It's unde...
Read full storyStephen Hawking Abducted by Pissed Off Aliens
In a dazzling stream of multi colored lights famous astrophysicist Stephen Hawking was abducted from a Star Trek convention by aliens. Costumed to honor the retired science officer of the Enterprise Spock, aka Leonard Nimoy, it was first assumed...
Read full storyChurch says we should cancel Popes visit
The Popes, visit to the UK, proposed for September, has come in for more criticism from Welsh songbird Charlotte Church, who says he should stay in the Vatican, with his staff, not the people who work for him its that pole he carries topped by the Pa...
Read full storyPope chickens out of UK trip as arrest warrant issued
Rome - (Holy Cow!): The Holy Farter is livid. A UK Foreign Orifice johnny responsible for that terrible, insulting email about the papal visit 'has been shuffled off to another parish' - er, government department! - without so much as a public flogg...
Read full storyX-37b Spy Plane Exposes R-Patz and K-Stew Scandal during 'Operation Twigate'
The American Military had no idea what secrets its orbital spy plane, X-37b, would reveal but the multi billion dollar program has solved the dating enigma of Twilight stars Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. The mini shuttle was launched last we...
Read full storyKatie Price dumps Alex Reid; Goes to France and has Virginity Restored
Katie Price wasted no time after dumping her husband and visited the Hymen Institute in Paris where she had a cherry installed. Knowing that she is Katie Price and can do whatever she wants we still asked her why such an action was needed since every...
Read full storyCrocodile Star Uncut - DVD
A DVD featuring the final moments of Crocodile man Steve Irwin's life went on sale today amid stark controversy. A stingray killed the popular naturalist and television celebrity in 2006. The freak accident happened off The Great Barrier Reef outs...
Read full story'Old Testament' God to Run Against His Son Jesus For U.S. President in 2012
It took some convincing but Karl Rove has done it again. In negotiations with Heaven, earlier this week, he got the big G to run for President. It has turned out that God was rather cheesed-off that his son thought he could be President, but dear-o...
Read full storyAhmadinejad Speaks on British Seamen
In his recent internet interview, Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, spoke freely about an incident where fifteen British sailors were detained in his country. Agreeing with the then Foreign Secretary Margaret Beckett, the President confirmed...
Read full storyMissing paedophile found safe and well
Residents in a small town in England breathed a huge sigh of relief today as a local paedophile was found after he had gone missing for a week. The inhabitants of Little Commonsense in Essex had become concerned after the resident nonce had not ap...
Read full storyCherie Blair Vehemently Denies Writing for The Spoof In Rumours Floated by Tories & Libs!
Persistent rumours circulating around London and traced to 'shadow' journalists allied with either the Libs or the Tories, are pointing with approbation at Cherie Blair claiming she is using multiple personas on the well known site The Spoof to boost...
Read full storyAlex Salmond the scales go in his favour
Scotland had it's own, very small and insignificant debate today. We cannot call it a leaders debate because Alex was the only leader taking part and the Tory was the only Tory MP in Scotland. So not much to choose from with him, is there? labour...
Read full storyThe Three "R's" - Reading Writing & Rhythm
A pre-election report released today highly criticises the Governments poor record on education, in particular, the apparent dire intellect of many University students. The findings highlight student's general lack of global-non-awareness and wea...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent: Topless Fire Eater Tia Brodie Is One Fine Bloomin' Red Hot Act!
LONDON - The second week of Britain's Got Talent absolutely heated up the entire place with a fiery act by former exotic dancer Tia Brodie. Miss Brodie, who easily advanced to the next round, actually attended fire eating school and she is now one...
Read full storyYou Want Sauce On Your Meat?
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave his first ever-internet interview yesterday. Speaking in Tehran and exclusively to this reporter, the Iranian leader spoke candidly and frankly about problems in the Middle East, British troop casualties...
Read full storyCameron - Man Of Vision Or Man On A Mission
Tory leader David Cameron voiced his opinion yesterday to scrap the Human Rights Bill in favour of replacing it with a modern and up to date Bill Of Rights. Speaking on Radio Five Live the opposition leader also vented his aspiration to erase and...
Read full storyArizona to Adopt Spanish as its Primary Language
A bill is sitting on the desk of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer that would make Spanish the official language for Arizona. The law, meant to recognize that the Latino community comprise the majority over the English speaking populus that exist in Arizo...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Want To Make "Ash-Aid" Single With The Pope
Popular Twilight star-crossed vampyre lovers Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart seem about to make a grand gesture to help the many poor people who have suffered in the recent eruption of icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull, according to a source cl...
Read full storyPope Insulted by Telephone Mirror Newspaper, Britain Foreign Office Apologizes
The Pope is scheduled for a week visit to the UK in September, and in anticipation of the event the editorial staff at the Telephone Mirror published a list of suggested topics for the Pope to address. The topics were sent to press unfiltered as Be...
Read full storyMy Wife's Cats Deserve To Die
Yes, the headline says it all. My wife's cats deserve to die. Just like mass murderers like Saddaam, just like pedophile rapists like Polanski, just like cult leader scum like Jim Johnson, these cats have no saving graces or redeemable qualities. It was them I was thinking about when I wrote my story on How to Skin a Cat. It was them that I wrote about when I shared this experience. My wi...
Read full storyTopless Fire Eater Was Once Liberal Democrat
The topless fire eater who so impressed Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan on Britain's Got Talent has a terrible secret. She was once a Liberal Democrat and attended some of their conferences. Exotic dancer Tia Brodie made it through to the next round...
Read full storyContacting Liberal Democrats A "Bad Idea" Says Hawking
Professor Stephen Hawking has warned against attempting to make contact with the Liberal Democrats. The legendary academic understands that finding life in another political party far away may be exciting, but he is concerned that it could end in dis...
Read full storyAn ode to Timothy Spall
Timothy Spall went out in a squall On his beautiful pea green barge. With plenty of money And taking his 'honey, He's decided he's now in charge. He's had a great life and has a great wife And starred in Aufwiedersehen Pet He's a cancer survivor And he's not a miser He's lots of living to do yet. Tim's a great fella' but goes kinda yella When the waves are above his head He does ge...
Read full storyClegg a Criminal Mastermind Claim Conservative Party
Leaked documents have revealed a controversial new policy being considered by the Conservative Party to halt the recent surge the Liberal Democrats have experienced in the polls. In an attempt to combat Clegg mania it appears that the Conservatives...
Read full storyIVF babies reject chosen parents
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Association reported today that 'mistakes' rose from 182 to 334 in the last 12 months. HFEA reported cases of embryos 'gone missing'. In this exclusive, our undercover reporter has the answer - many fertilise...
Read full storyI Hate Being Treated Like A Thief
Yesterday, an incident happened to me at a local warehouse store. That incident enraged me and had me shooting steam out of my ears and spitting fire. While there is some humour in this article, let me say that it is mostly editorial. I take full responsibility for the words here, because they are mine. This publication/on line magazine recognizes that and is not responsible for my feeling t...
Read full storySimon Cowell to judge final Prime Ministerial debate on Thursday
Following disappointing ratings for the first 2 debates, BBC have pulled out all the stops to make the third debate the most watched televised news event in history. Famous celeb critic Simon Cowell has agreed to chair and judge the final debate.
Read full storyPope Benedict wants Richard Dawkins to be under house arrest when he visits UK
The Pope who is due to make a visit to the UK, wants Richard Dawkin's, the Atheist Professor, to be put under house arrest for the entire time of his visit because Dawkin's has threatened to do a citizens arrest on the Pope, for his cover up of the t...
Read full storyWall Street Firms to Buy Federal Prisons
A conglomerate of Wall Street firms has announced today that they are purchasing the US Federal Prison System. The surprise announcement came as news surfaced that there were possible criminal investigations going on that would implicate many top Wal...
Read full storyBritain's Got Scrawny Topless Talent
Manchester - (YouBoob!): Be-cellulited topless fire-eater Tia Brodie wowed the judges last night with her black nipple-patched wobbly implants. How the 33 year-old ex-porn star managed to blag her way onto the UK's most pointless freakshow is a w...
Read full storyIllegal Immigrant Amnesty Bill Puts Obama's Citizenship Issue to Rest....Finally!
Senate majority leader Harry Reid, in one of his last official acts before being voted out of office this November, advanced his Illegal Immigrant Amnesty Bill by falling on his sword for his emperor in a final attempt to put the Obama Birth Issue t...
Read full storyUK anti-spitting law - Lewinsky speaks out
New laws being introduced in the UK to make spitting in public a criminal offence, needed to address the problem of 'sticky' pavements in major cities throughout Britain, have brought condemnation from Monika Lewinsky, the White House intern involved...
Read full storyPope 'condom' memo - Spoof writers infiltrate Foreign Office
Spoof writers are today celebrating their successful infiltration of the Foreign Office, culminating in the issuing of a grovelling apology by the UK's ambassador to the Vatican, Francis Campbell. The apology resulted from a hilarious 'background...
Read full storyThe Pope cancels his visit to the UK because the government want to issue a condom called "The Benedict Brand"
The insulted Vatican and their leader have decided to cancel their spiritual trip to the UK. The reason being that the Foreign Office foolishly leaked a memo to the press announcing that a new brand of condom was to be released coinciding with the...
Read full storySusan Boyle to sing "Flower of Scotland" for the Pope
If he can escape the damning evidence of unacceptable behaviour by his underlings in the Church, Pope Benedict will visit Glasgow, Scotland in September. One of the highlights of his visit will be a performance, in front of 150,000 by the Scottish...
Read full storyGlobal "Loonies" gather in London for their annual "Piss-take" not the election, the London Marathon!
England renowned for it's eccentrics, nutty proffesors and Tony blair is being invaded by "Global Loonies" wishing to participate in a spectacle only reserved for Brittania. THE LONDON MARATHON! The actual race has nothing whatsoever to do with...
Read full storyPope Slams Foreign Office
Pope Benedict XVI has attacked the Foreign Office as an "outdated institution, with ideas belonging to the middle ages". The news comes ahead of the Pope's visit to the UK, where he will promote his own brand of condoms. 'Vatican Gold' are advertised...
Read full storySuperman banned from London Marathon
Superman was banned from running in the London Marathon, today after complaints from the elite athletes, in the race that it would be unfair as they would have no chance of beating a superhero, unless he wore Kryptonite, running shoes. Superman tu...
Read full storyStephen Hawking Admits "I'm An Alien"
Professor Stephen Hawking has finally admitted what we had all suspected for many years. He is, in fact, an alien from the planet Thaal. He was sent to earth in 1964 on a mission to find intelligent life. Sadly, he believes that his mission has been...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson interested in Stars
Robert Pattinson is interested in the Stars, and Stardust. not Alvin Stardust, the English Pop Star. of the 70s and 80s. Pattinson explained "I am interested in Astronomy and the planets in our solar system, and the fact that everything is made fr...
Read full storyBritain To Teach India About Curries, Lager And Racism
Britain is to send a team of specialists to India to educate them about British life. Soon the streets of Mumbai will be filled with puking, fighting maniacs, just like Luton on a Saturday night. Indians are unfamiliar with dishes such as Chicken...
Read full storyMan In Gordon Brown Costume Feints During London Marathon
The humid conditions during the early stages of this year's London Marathon took its toll on one competitor. Colin Bumfluff of Harlington had attended the Marathon in a Gordon Brown costume. He was raising money for people who are forced to live in t...
Read full storyLabour to become 'Feminazi Party'
Harriet Harman announced today that if Labour lose the election on 6th May, it will be because "we are not extreme enough". "We need to distinguish ourselves more successfully from the other pro-female parties like Lib-Dems, Greens and Socialist...
Read full storyTory offer incentive to dads
In a further desperate attempt to appeal to male voters, deserted by all the other parties' pursuit of the female votes, (and to appease the fathers' movement) the Conservatives today announced a 'massive' increase in their support for separated dad...
Read full storyArmed forces - a career 'to die for'
Following criticism that their last campaign was more of a travel agency advertisement than an indication of life in the armed forces, the latest advert now shows more realistic life. A spokesmen said, "We accept that we have been misrepresenting...
Read full storySarah Palin Reports 'Peepin' Ivans' Ogling Her.
Sarah Palin, potential candidate for the Presidency in 2012, has put in a complaint with the Alaskan State Troopers complaining of Russians peeping in her windows at night. As she once claimed that she "could see Russia from her window"; apparently t...
Read full storyCan man do that? No!
The ancestor of all Israelite people is said to be Abraham. Originally his name was Abram, meaning high father. According to Genesis 17, God unilaterally decided to alter Abram's name to Abraham, meaning father of all nations! Anyway, one day Abraham left his hometown to settle in present-day Turkey. Later he decided to move back to Palestine to build an altar, of course, at the insistence...
Read full storyBritain's Foreign Office Kisses the Vatican's Ass, Again
Britain's Foreign Office has apologized for a "foolish" document which suggested the Pope's UK visit could be marked by the launch of "Benedict-branded" condoms. Called "The ideal visit would see...", the paper suggested the Pope be invited to op...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances
Reading, PA - Never one to fret about where her next paycheck is coming from what with all her new-found skills and all, Kate Gosselin has put her recent professional dancing skills to use at the local Squat 'n Grind Club in Reading, PA. "Gosh," says...
Read full storyPope hires Mossad to bug arrest bid UK attorneys
London - (Torquemada): A routine electronic sweep at famous defamation lawyers Finkleshyster & Chutzpah's London office has uncovered an Aladdin's Cave of bugging equipment bearing all the classic hallmarks of a paranoid Vatican snoop. Earlier...
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