Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances

Funny story written by Charpa93

Sunday, 25 April 2010


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Reading, PA - Never one to fret about where her next paycheck is coming from what with all her new-found skills and all, Kate Gosselin has put her recent professional dancing skills to use at the local Squat 'n Grind Club in Reading, PA. "Gosh," says Gosselin, "I had no idea the money I could make at this place."

"Kitty" Gosselin, as she is now known around town, claims there are plenty more perks that go with a lap dancing job. For starters, the place is really close to home and she can work night hours, which gives her the freedom of getting the kids up and on the school bus herself, without the aid of a nanny, if she chooses. That was a big concern of hers, but one that is now solved.

"Lap dancing is a helluva lot easier than that ballroom crap," claims Gosselin. "All I basically have to do is wear this tight pair of short shorts and sit on some guy's lap and squirm while he says stuff to me. The owners of the club also initially wanted me to dance in front of the men, but after witnessing my dancing skills close up, they decided that I'd just squirm and wiggle on the laps and that would suffice. I know I got the job based solely on who I am, but who cares? It's a job."

"Hell, if it helps me keep my family together, I'm willing to forego a black spot or two on my reputation. We Hollywood actresses sometimes find ourselves having to take unsavory jobs to stay in the business you know. Besides, most people aren't that fond of me anyway, so this way, I get some much needed male attention and a fat paycheck to boot. And if I play my cards right, I think there's still a chance of me getting another TLC show out of all this or I may even get lucky and hook up with a lawyer or a senator who'll pay my bills so I can get back to LA.

Asked if she'd consider moving up to pole dancing in the future, Kate had this to say, "no, I don't fancy myself a very good athlete. Pole dancing looks almost as difficult as that danged fox trot that tripped me up on Dancing with the Stars. I seem to be doing pretty well with my squirming technique, so I think I'll just keep doing laps for now to at least tide us over until the next acting gig comes along."

Disclaimer: I humbly apologize for the inordinate amount of stories coming out of me lately about Kate Gosselin. My only excuse is that I am a lazy writer and Kate seems to provide the path of least resistance when it comes to material. Hopefully now that she's left the spotlight, there will be time for me to pick on someone else for a change.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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