Clegg a Criminal Mastermind Claim Conservative Party

Funny story written by Jonathan Wain

Sunday, 25 April 2010


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Leaked documents have revealed a controversial new policy being considered by the Conservative Party to halt the recent surge the Liberal Democrats have experienced in the polls. In an attempt to combat Clegg mania it appears that the Conservatives were preparing to frame the Lib Dem leader for a crime he hasn't committed.

The documents detail plans to use the party's connections with Sky proprietor Rupert Murdoch to plant fake evidence in the media suggesting that Nick Clegg has recently robbed a bank. This evidence will include grainy CCTV footage of Mr Clegg brandishing a sawn off shotgun and several eye witness accounts to be given by trusted Conservative voters.

Far from being discarded immediately this plan appears to have been given considerable thought by the party. Annotations on the documents we received suggest that the crime should be changed because "In the current anti banking climate bank robbery may in fact lead to an increase in popularity for the Lib Dems. Links to terrorism or drugs may be more effective."

Political Parties in Shock

We asked the Conservative Party if they wished to dispute the allegations but so far they have refused to comment, the other parties however have been quick to condemn them. A Lib Dem spokesman told us that "This is just yet another example of the smear tactics that the two old parties are reverting to in an attempt to sully our image". Meanwhile a statement from the Labour Party reads "We are shocked by the actions of the Conservative Party, and their devious underhand tactics. We believe that these allegations against Mr Clegg are probably without merit, although he does look a little shifty in our opinion."

We attempted, in the interest of balance, to get comments from the smaller parties on this story. However they refused to participate unless they were given equal billing with the major political parties.

The End is Nigh

Recent polls are as yet unavailable, however experts are predicting the fallout from this will be massively damaging to Mr Cameron's attempts to become Prime Minister. With the election only weeks away could this scupper any hopes the Conservatives had of claiming Number 10. Only time will tell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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