Britain's Foreign Office Kisses the Vatican's Ass, Again

Written by Stump Parrish

Sunday, 25 April 2010


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Britain's Foreign Office has apologized for a "foolish" document which suggested the Pope's UK visit could be marked by the launch of "Benedict-branded" condoms.

Called "The ideal visit would see...", the paper suggested the Pope be invited to open an abortion clinic and bless a gay marriage during September's visit.

The junior civil servant responsible had been assigned to six months of alter boy service to the community. He stated he didn't mind taking one for the team to save an innocent child from those animals from the holy city.

UK's ambassador to the Vatican, Francis Campbell, has met senior officials of the Holy Rape a Child Organization to express regret on behalf of the government, for an off color joke at the expense of his Holy Rapingness's, pack of kiddie predators.

Foreign Secretary David Kissanass is said to have been "appalled" by the contents of this paper and expressed sincere hopes that they haven't offended, the sensitive nature of the child predators, the Catholic Church prefers to employ. He stated the everyone was aware that the Catholic Church was strongly against homosexual activities, outside the priesthood, and between consenting adults. Sir Kissanass also noted that the world was aware the Catholic Church was against any form of birth control that might reduce next years crop of victims.

An unnamed official with the MI-5 has informed AIP Crack head reporter, Stump Parrish, that efforts are underway to import a dozen 13 year old children from a country of the Pope's choosing, for the duration of his upcoming UK visit. (on a side note XE Corp. {formerly Blackwater International} has agreed to covertly ferry the boys/girls to an undisclosed location on a CIA owned rendition aircraft)

The paper was part of a memo inviting officials in Whitehall and Downing Street to attend a meeting to discuss themes for the holy pedophile shufflers upcoming UK visit. Two popular themes were the "Neverland Ranch" theme and a domination package deal, recommended by Los Angeles lesbian club "Voyeur" spokesperson, Micheal Steele

An un-named source told Stump Parrish, "this hard-working individual called the group together for some blue-skies creative thinking about how to make the visit a success, but their discussions have become a joke that has gone too far, similar to the way "the joke that religion is, has gone too far".

The BBC Religious Correspondent, Robert the Pigheaded Ass, has stated that "The paper has the potential to cause considerable damage. Whether fairly or not, it will leave some Catholics with the impression of a culture within official circles in which their Church's teaching is not taken seriously. All this reporter can add to that is, Fuckin' DUH.

It seems that Catholics are so insecure in their beliefs that they can't even be allowed to think that some might disagree with what they believe. When contacted for a comment, Little Dickie Dawkins stated "I for one am quite sure, all those thousands of child rape victims took the lessons they learned at the hands of their priests aka god's workers, very seriously.

Robert the Pigheaded Ass further states that some will suspect prejudice against faith groups. I suppose we just simply can not permit anyone, to assume that some might not swallow the shit that this church has been spreading for centuries. Perhaps most damaging of all, Bob the Ass states, it could leave an impression that the Pope might be regarded as a figure of fun less than five months before his visit to Britain.

While the Vatican has shown an extensive history of breaking the laws of every country in the world, it is good to see that every effort is being made to ensure, this holier than thou pack of kiddie rapers isn't the butt of a off color joke.

The real reason for this bunch of Bally Hoo is that the government still needs the Vatican's help in it's global diplomatic effort to curb climate change and fight poverty.

It seems to this reporter that you can get government approval for any kind of deviant behavior as long as you have something the government in question, needs.

This humble reporter has to wonder what the world has come to when, a large, Government recognized, group of international serial child rapists, and those who cover for them, opinions about a fucking joke, actually matter to someone. If those employees responsible for planning this rapist's visit, didn't explore every possibility, they would not be doing their jobs. Instead of rewarding the employees for actually using a little critical thinking in their efforts to preform their duties, they are punished to make a bunch of kiddie rapists feel better about themselves.

How serious and far-reaching the effect of the document is depends partly on how the Church itself responds. This is exactly what the Alter Boy Rapist's Alumni have been waiting for. Now they can shift the focus away from the fact that, they feel it is their god given right, to fuck little kiddies, and make the government apologize for, and focus on, an off color joke that was never meant to be released.

Vatican Officials also issued this statement on a separate matter...Due to dwindling numbers of Catholic raised pedophiles applying to the priesthood, Boy Scouts of America employees will be fast tracked to a church of their own. Remember Scout Masters, we have a bigger bank account set up just for trial settlements. Don't forget that you need to specify any victim nationality preferences, you might have, in your initial application.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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