Carrie Prejean's Brother Says He'll Buy All Of Her Sex Tapes And Toss Them In The Pacific Ocean
OXNARD, California - Carrie Prejean's brother, Bobby "Loose Lips" Arkanada has said that he wants to buy all of his sister's sex tapes and destroy them by tossing them in the Pacific Ocean. L.L. as his ex-girlfriend D.D. calls him, said that he do...
Read full storyI'm A Celeb Is Just Plain Boring Say Critics
A Brit reality TV show was today slated by critics as just a continual version of the same old crap, recycled over and over again. Katie Price, aka Jordan, glamour model and celebrity slapper has provided a smidgin of interest, but apart from her,...
Read full storySocial Networking website is Sued for Recognition of Same-Sex Marriages
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Papers were filed today in Federal Court challenging one social networking website's recognition of marriages between two members of the same sex. The United Families Organization (UFO) made the formal complaint alleging that the s...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Announces She Is Quitting Her Show
CHICAGO - Oprah Winfrey in town because this is where she films her show and lives told her audience that she has decided that it is time to end her long running talk show. Winfrey trying to hold back tears but being unsuccessful told her studio a...
Read full storyNew Moon On The Rise, Breaks Harry Potter, Slingblade Record!
The long awaited vampire romance movie "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" raked in $26.3 million at North American box offices in midnight showings, breaking the record set by "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," which had broken the "Slingblade" re...
Read full storyOprah Selects Omarosa as Talk Show Replacement
Stunning the television industry with her announcement, the soon to be retiring daily talk show host and the most powerful woman in television, Oprah Winfrey, has chosen "Fired" contestant Omarosa of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" fame. Though Wi...
Read full storyNew EU Veep 'is Prince William's birth mother'
Brussels - (Tossers): The woman whose son by Gorgon Brown was shoehorned into Kensington Palace as a lookalike Prince William back in 1985 has landed the top blagging job in the EU. Turkey-necked Cathy Ashton donated her little Broonie brat to the...
Read full storyHideous Crawling Creature boycotted by Creepy Crawlies
Britain's least favourite vapid waste of skin and atrocious role model Katie Price aka Jordan , could be on the verge of quitting I am a fading Celebrity "and I'm trying to rescue the last vestiges of my career in one desperate attempt at debasement,...
Read full storyFrasier Crane to Hank: I'm Listening!
LOS ANGELES - ABC television today announced that Kelsey Grammer's atrocious new sit-com, "Hank," which just this week had been cancelled, has been saved from the chopping block due to a clever idea from its star - he will play the dual role of Hank...
Read full storyJudge Dismisses Miley Cyrus "Slant Eyes" Suit
A Los Angeles judge on Friday dismissed a lawsuit against Miley Cyrus which accused the teen icon of discriminating against all Asian people after she was photographed making "slant eyes" with some of her friends. The judge then asked Lucie Kim's...
Read full storySupermodel Not Really Found Dead, Just Not Found.
A world famous supermodel has been declared dead. Model and actress Theresa Green had been battling weight loss for over a year. She had often come under much scrutiny for her 'less than size 0' look. Her boyfreind and agent Johnny Terra said "...
Read full storyAustralia desal irrigation behind Chevron's Gorgon masterplan?
Western Australia - (Upstream): The permanent greening of 99% of Australian desert may no longer be a supermajor pipedream. This week San Ramon energy giant Chevron was keeping characteristically silent amid reports it is negotiating to build a st...
Read full storySusan Boyle's First Album Sets Record, Dedicated To Her Cat
The upcoming debut album by British singing sensation Susan Boyle has become the largest global CD pre-order in the history of Amazon.com, the online retailer said on Thursday. Boyle's album "I Dreamed a Dream" will be released on November 24 by S...
Read full storyThe Queen knows she's being spied on by Russia
Friends of the Queen have revealed she knows she's being spied on by Russia. She's known this for quite a while now. Her suspicions were first aroused two years ago when she noticed a cameraman in her garden hiding behind a tree. These suspicions...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Visit The World Famous La Brea Tar Pits
LA BREA, California - One of the most identifiable couple on the planet, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson took some time off from their busy schedule and promotion for their new motion picture The Twilight Saga: New Moon. The popular couple ha...
Read full storyObama Ratings Below 50% Since Kissing Japanese Emporer's Ass
"Quit kissing asses and show them some backbone!" - That was one response to a new Gallup Poll concerning the popularity of US President, Barack Obama. President Obama's job approval seems to be on the course with the previous president, George Bu...
Read full storyA village veterans bowls team accused of "Cheating and Corruption" by their rivals!
Tunbridge Well's, Kent, UK, veteran Bowls team (average age 88) have accused their local rivals from Edenbridge (average age 98) of cheating, corruption, illegality, taking bribes and using the "Foot of God" to beat them! This happened shortly aft...
Read full storyPsychoTown - Part 10
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9 Chapter 10 O' Halloran and the robo female cop cruise the streets of PsychoTown in his pink caddy. "I'm glad that we've become a team, Detective. I honestly never believed that you could learn to accept a female - let alone a robotic one - into your life". O' Halloran takes a turn off and...
Read full storyLesbian Smells Like Fish Stink
The Medical Journal of Australia reports that a lesbian woman who has complained of smelling like a rotting fish for most of her life has been diagnosed with a genetic condition that causes her to emit a disagreeable odor. Unable to find a man, s...
Read full storyTony Blair converted to Islam
Tony Blair called this morning the editors of major newspapers in London and announced that he has converted to Islam yesterday. He has also adopted the Islamic name of Abu Baker. Mr Blair was recently under immense pressure from the Pope to leav...
Read full storyOprah to Retire Show; World As We Know It Collapses
CHICAGO, IL - Chicago today fell into Lake Michigan, as Oprah Winfrey announced that her landmark television show will breathe its last in 2011. The city and much of the nation are in turmoil after hearing the news, which Winfrey disclosed during...
Read full storyNot only were the "Irish Stewed" UEFA are investigating 200 other corrupt games too!
OK, that the Afghani elections were corrupt, what's new! That the brave Irish were blatantly cheated out of the World Cup, it's happened before too, Maradona, thanks! World cup in Korea, how the South Koreans hacked the Semi-finals the world is st...
Read full storyMartha Stewart's Prison Stay Took Her Virginity
Martha Stewart is finally putting a figure to the amount she lost when she was sentenced on charges lying to authorities, and it's a doozey. The homemaking diva was sentenced to five months in prison and two years' probation for lying to investig...
Read full storyThe Letters of Wilf Turnbull
Hello all! As my fellow 'PC Pensioner' Alfred Frimley has already very kindly told you, I am a 73 years young "silver surfer" from Southbourne, Bournemouth. I write to pop stars about their hits because they often require clarification, advice or congratulation. My correspondence is filed in a virtual cabinet at www.wilfturnbull.co.uk. I only put my "site" on the whole world window web in Oc...
Read full storyWhy Atheists Hate Larry King?
Larry King has become, of all things, living proof that there is life after death and he doesn't know how to take it. "I never set out to prove any great religious belief, just interview a few people, have a little fun and enjoy myself both on the...
Read full storySpoof Club Part Cinque
Escape from Bellagio - Still prisoners in the cellar of the Parrocchia Basilica S. Giacomo, Redlich and I continued planning our escape from the militant group of parochial Mimes holding us captive. We searched around the cellar shelves and floor only to be disappointed in the lack of anything that could be used as a weapon. Among the assets we could find included a paint brush and white p...
Read full storyHorror: Nelly Found Dead.
Shock news this morning as Nelly is confirmed dead. After a long and bitter struggle with several addictions, a long court battle with ex-manager Toby Climatis and several sordid newspaper stories of seduction and sleaze, it is with sad regret th...
Read full storyPalin To Name Glenn Beck As VP Running Mate…..Carrie Prejean to Marry Mickey Rooney
The two most prominent females in the conservative movement continue to make big news today in dueling headlines across the country. No sooner than Palin had told Shaun Hannity on Fox News that she would be honored to have Glenn Beck as her running m...
Read full storyJedward Set To Join Aerosmith
Aerosmith have sensationally announced their replacement for Steven Tyler. As reported in Aerosmith Look For New Singer the band were hunting for a new singer after tensions with Tyler flared due to his apparent falling off the wagon. In a shoc...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson has female repoductive organs?
In an exclusive interview with the Twilight star Robert Pattinson, he has revealed that he infact has female genitalia. He said "I want to use my biological givens to make any other male in my position feel more comfortable in his body, we should'd b...
Read full storyPattinson, Stewart, Lautner To Suddenly Make Appearances In Person? Twilight Fans May Get Bonus At Theater Openings
The next chapter in the Twilight saga is about to hit the big screen and it's already sure to be a huge hit. Now fans may get a bonus as different actors of the movie may show up at the grand opening. "We're planning to travel", Robert Pattinso...
Read full story'Pishtacos' Replace 'Chupacabras' As World's Greatest Threat to People Whose Ass is So Big, They'd Have to Make 2 Trips to 'Haul Ass!'
Forget 'Chupacabras', the dreaded 'goat suckers' that strike fear into the hearts of most South Americans, for there is now even a greater threat for the World's Overweight Population: Pishtacos! Law enforcement agents in Lima today discovered wha...
Read full storyAerosmith Look For New Singer
With news this week that the grandfathers of rock, Aerosmith, are searching for a new singer we can sensationally reveal some of the names that have been linked to them. Steven Tyler has been seemingly ousted from the band amid rumours of his wild...
Read full storyIreland to declare war on France
The Irish Government is today,EU rules permitting,expected to declare war on France.It will be a wildly popular move amongst a financially, emotionally and psychologically traumatized Irish people. The road to war has been inevitable since Wednesd...
Read full storyDinner Lady in charge of EU Foreign Affairs
A Baroness has been appointed as the High Representative for the Foreign Affairs and Security of the EU. Baroness Ashton, one time dinner lady at Eaton rejected claims that she was not up to the job. She said at a press conference she held at the...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Caught Up In Outrageous China Shopping Spree as 316,000 Bongs Disguised as 'Christmas Ornaments' Discovered in Los Angeles Security Check!
Michelle Obama finds herself in the midst of yet another controversy involving the US's balance of trade with China, in addition to being linked to a shipment of 316,000 Bongs labeled "Christmas ornaments' she picked up while visiting China with her...
Read full storyParis catwalk karma probed in South Korean supermodel Daul Kim death mystery
Paris - (Sacre Bleu!): Haute couture twitterati are gobsmacked: is a notorious Parisian catwalk hex to blame for the sudden death of supermodel Daul Kim? Gendarmerie sources remain stoically sphinx-like. But the 20 year-old South Korean stunne...
Read full storyPolice hunting Pen Thief
Police in Lytham St Annes are hunting the renowned pen Thief Arthur Garlic, who is believed to be at large in the Fylde area. Detective Inspector Phil Inns of the Fylde constabulary, wants the public to help. "Mr Garlic is a person of particula...
Read full storySet fire to Wogan event for Children in Need
The BBC's Children in Need Appeal hopes to raise millions of pounds today from donations towards the 'Burn the bloody Irishman' event to be held at midnight on Hampstead Heath, north London. Viewers and listeners are asked bid for the privilege of...
Read full storyMy Note To Gordon Brown Against The Death Penalty (English Work)
Dear Prime Minister Following your recent "success" as a "Fantastic And Inspirational Leader" I'm going to discuss how bringing back the death penalty will be just as "successful" as the BNP leader Nick Griffin trying to get the public vote by wearing a mankini to work. If we had the death penalty the whole of the uk would have a life expectancy of around 5 minutes if they are lucky enough a...
Read full storyKatie Price Survives Near Death Fall
Nork maiden Katie Price, 46, this evening survived a near fatal fall of 63 feet in the Australian jungle. As reported yesterday in Katie Come On Down, The Price Is Right!, Price was left bobbing on the breeze like a weird, mostly human, helium bal...
Read full storyGold, Frankincense and myrrh-der!
Police made a mecarbre and sinister discovery at Leicester City's Haymarket Shopping Centre today, one that will shock the entire city to it's very foundations. After responding to a report from a member of the public, police cordoned off the ani...
Read full storyA Judge Tells Jon and Kate Gosselin To Work Out Their Problems Or She'll Give Their 8 Kids To OctuMom
PITTSBURGH - A Pennsylvania Circuit Judge has informed Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 that she is instructing them to straighten out their marital problems by January 1, 2010, or she will be forced to turn custody of their eight childre...
Read full storyGerm-Freak Howie Mandel Starts Screaming When A 12-Month-Old Baby Touches His Ankle
BURBANK - The host of TVs game show Deal Or No Deal, Howie Mandel was reportedly taking a nap at his home when suddenly his maid, Gertrudina's 12-month-old baby accidentally touched the germ phobia freak Mandel on his left ankle. Mandel woke up sc...
Read full storyObama, King of the Free Market?
From the White House on Friday President Obama released a plan, that he claims will pay for the controversial health care bill passed buy the house of representatives and is awaiting passage from the senate. "The greatest challenge we face in the...
Read full storyMore People Are Having Sex Now Than At Any Time In Recorded History
Researchers at the University Of Life, in Regent Road, Salford, have released the findings of a widespread study into the sexual activity of the world's population. And pretty amazing revelations they are too! It seems that more and more of us,...
Read full storyKatie Price Contemplates Leg Implants.
Katie Price, aka former glamour model Jordan reacted badly when she was shown recorded footage of herself in 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here', the crap reality TV show presented by Ant and Dec. Katie, aka Jordan was horrified by TV images whic...
Read full storyBanana Hoarding - The Curse Of Modern life
A new Panorama report for the BBC reveals that one of the greatest threats to the continued existence of the human race is not Global Warming, as championed by Al Gore, but the hoarding and panic buying of bananas. The Panorama special explains to...
Read full storyJedward do Wham! It's like having two Andrew Ridgeleys.
Poor old J- and -edward, they can't do a thing right. Just because they aren't the best singers in the X-Factor finals doesn't mean they can't entertain us! Actually, the reason they can't entertain us is because they aren't the best entertainers i...
Read full story"Keep Obama at Home" Campaign Off to a Good Start
A new grassroots campaign to keep President Barrack Obama from further embarrassing the United States is off to a roaring start now that the president is back on American soil. Crew members promptly flattened the tires of Air Force One, preventin...
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