More People Are Having Sex Now Than At Any Time In Recorded History

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Friday, 20 November 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

Researchers at the University Of Life, in Regent Road, Salford, have released the findings of a widespread study into the sexual activity of the world's population.

And pretty amazing revelations they are too!

It seems that more and more of us, with the possible exception of the Taleban, are enjoying engaging in sexual congress with increased frequency.

Which could be disturbing for lone women bending over freezers in their local supermarkets, wondering if somebody is about to sneak up behind them and roger them witless.

It seems we're all at it!

All the time!

At this rate we'll outnumber insects shortly, with 37 million people populating a single acre of ground.

Which could be vaguely problematical.

There is a serious side to this research. It shows that if every sexually mature adult in the Western World were to engage in frantic sexual congress, with great vigour, then it would cause half of the people in China to be tossed out of their beds, and half of the people in Japan to develop a craving for eating raw fish.

But the downside is that if the Chinese nation all went on a simultaneous sexual frenzy, it could cause the San Andreas Fault to give up the ghost, decimating California.

And that's not even taking India and Thailand into consideration.

The root conclusion from the study reveals that we can all have sex, however vigorous it may be, but that WE CAN'T ALL DO IT AT ONCE!

Doctor Morris Reasonable, de facto spokesman for the University Of Life told us that we continue to face a crisis caused by too much shagging, but insisted that there is no cause for alarm.

"As the population increases," he told us. "More people will engage in sexual activity. Today, more people had sex than yesterday. Tomorrow, more people will have sex than they did today. It's a statistical nightmare. But as the population increases, so does the sexual activity."

We can't wait for Monday morning.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more