Martha Stewart's Prison Stay Took Her Virginity

Funny story written by howy

Friday, 20 November 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Martha Stewart's Prison Stay Took Her Virginity
Amanda Hugenkiss

Martha Stewart is finally putting a figure to the amount she lost when she was sentenced on charges lying to authorities, and it's a doozey.

The homemaking diva was sentenced to five months in prison and two years' probation for lying to investigators about her sale of ImClone Systems stock in late 2001.

Stewart, who has been steadfast in proclaiming her innocence, told Walters, "I didn't cheat the little people. ... We're all little people. I didn't cheat anybody out of anything."

"Probably the worst was my virginity, of course," she says matter-of-factly during an interview to air Thursday night.

But as much as it pained her to lose her virginity, it was humanity that really suffered, she says.

"The inmate who took my virginity is named Amanda Hugenkiss.' She became attracted to me when we were lined up in a strip search.' When it was my turn to bend over and spread it wide open, she ran up behind the female officer doing the cavity inspection to get a look inside me.' From that point on, it was down hill for me with Amanda always hot and bothered'"

During the inspection the female officer told Stewart her genitals were dried out and withered from old age and she believes this is what stimulated Amanda's interest in her.

But there's no looking back for the famously tough domestic diva. "How can you keep suffering? There are others that need to suffer in women's prison," she says, laughing. "Let's get on with the future."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more