Oprah Selects Omarosa as Talk Show Replacement

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 20 November 2009

image for Oprah Selects Omarosa as Talk Show Replacement
Not too good, in any light.

Stunning the television industry with her announcement, the soon to be retiring daily talk show host and the most powerful woman in television, Oprah Winfrey, has chosen "Fired" contestant Omarosa of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" fame.

Though Winfrey has two more years to wrap up her own broadcasting schedule, Omarosa will be starting as an Apprentice on the Oprah show next season. Producers were clearly nervous over the selection, and suggested running Omarosa through a series of test interviews to help groom her for the public eye. Oprah agreed.

Pulling in a few personal favors from friends and professional alliances, Oprah scheduled Bill Clinton, Stevie Wonder and Barbara Walters for the mock interviews. In reaction to Oprah's plan, show producer Ben Spinelez, contacted the network legal department to have them prepare for "just about anything".

In Clinton's interview, insiders tell The Spoof that things actually went well, until Bill dropped his eyes to the floor for a second. "Unh uh", Omarosa interrupted him with a side to side head bob. "Tell me you just didn't try to scope out the booty. I know that you want what's going on up in here, so don't tell me that was an innocent glance, Bill."

With Stevie Wonder, Omarosa suggested a cooking segment, though producers tried to tell her of the risks and potential issues impacting segment success. "Don't tell me what I can't do", she snapped back. After Stevie burned his hand on the stove, he stumbled to the left but rebalanced himself quite innocently against Omarosa's chest. "Why don't you look where you're going fool, and get your hands off the goods." Producers tried to remind her that Mr. Wonder was blind. "Oh, he knew what he was doing, he was definitely checking out the price of milk", she barked back.

The last disastrous interview took place with Barbara Walters. In what most would have concluded to be a good verbal exchange, Barbara asked if Omarosa thought her early departure from the Apprentice might have been due to her assertive nature on the show. "Bitch, take your dried up face and shriveled ass off of my couch and get the fu*% off my show".

Spinelez reportedly turned to Oprah and commented, "I thought that went well". Oprah responded, "Are you kidding, this is going to be Jerry Springer-esque gold".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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