The Irish Government is today,EU rules permitting,expected to declare war on France.It will be a wildly popular move amongst a financially, emotionally and psychologically traumatized Irish people.
The road to war has been inevitable since Wednesday night,when,in a typically outrageous piece of Gallic cheating,French footballing male supermodel Thierry Henry perpetrated the most despicable handball ever seen on a football field,thus leading to the elimination of Ireland from the World Cup.
The Irish war plan,leaked to your correspondent,is stunning in its simplicity.
To save money,a Battalion of Irish troops,will be dispatched,via the car ferry,from Rosslare in County Wexford to Le Havre in northern France,where an immediate and complete surrender of the entire French armed forces is anticipated.
This,as even the most casual student of history will know,is a not unreasonable expectation on behalf of the Irish.
In what will be "The Second Football War",the Irish expect to return home laden down with wine,cheese and women,which will be seen as their rightful plunder and booty.A slap in the insufferably smug puss of Thierry Henry,whose appallingly effeminate Christian name,if indeed he is a Christian,is an added insult to all red blooded and red haired Irishmen.
Angela Merkel,Chancellor of Germany,has expressed an interest in aiding the Irish war effort,again EU rules permitting.
