Cheney Comes Out Strong For Gun Torture
Former President of Vice Dick Cheney is trying to combine two of his favorite hobbies into a new, passionate political platform- gun shooting and torture. Already outspoken at the attempted outlawing of one of his favorite pastimes- tormenting fe...
Read full storyUK cold war traitor paedo Geoffrey Prime quizzed on Algarve holiday snaps
London - (Maddie Madness): Algarve holiday snaps belonging to convicted UK serial child pervert and former KGB/GCHQ spy Geoffrey Prime have been seized by investigators in Praia da Luz. They show a ditry old man smoking rolls-ups and drinking Pa...
Read full storyAtheists finally find God
Atheists have found a 47 million year old god and named it "Ida," an Harvard scientist/atheist proclaimed excitedly last week. Ida is the fossil of a hapless animal which passed away quietly some million of years ago but is now the toast of the sc...
Read full storyThe Book That Changed My Life
I remember it well, June 1st 1984, this was the day in which i first encountered the novel 'Sweethearts Dance For Peanuts' by the Scottish literary behemoth Jasper Biggins. I had just finished breakfasting at Mammas during which we had scoffed an amusing buttered scone and discussed the importance of good bowling etiquette when i felt compelled to visit a little book dealing establishment oppo...
Read full storyNew Sports Named After Chelsea vs Barca Referee
Several schools and sport institutions have begun playing a special kind of soccer known as "Ovreball." It has all the rules of soccer except that all players are allowed to handle the ball inside the 18 yard box. In addition, the game becomes a f...
Read full storyHow to come out as gay on a shoestring budget
As every man-loving chap-about-town knows, it can be difficult coming out of the closet. Particularly when the closet is full of naked men. But never fear, as this week i will take all the strain out of yelling from the rooftops 'I'm gay!!!' with my handy hints for closeted queens. Number 1- The cloths a man wears tell a lot bout his interests and character. So instead of actually saying 'I'm...
Read full storyChapter Five: The Borg Queen Mudder's Holo-novel
The Voyage of the Starship Enterprise Chapter Five: The Borg Queen Mudder's Holo-novel A brief insight into into The Spoof Continuum shenanigans five years on from Date Zero... Emergency Medical Officer's Log, Stardate 696969.2: A centuries-old sub-space distress call from Capt Buck Kirk's Starship Enterprise has triggered a Federation listening post trip-wire in the Vulva Quadran...
Read full storyOverjoyed Gurkhas to spearhead "Joanna for PM" movement?
LONDON, UK: Call her Goddess, because single-handedly Joanna Lumley has brought Gordon Brown's Labour government to its creaking, arthritic knees. One woman has used her influence and clout to ensure that for once 36000 veterans will be accorded the...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi Hospitalized After Attack of WBIS
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has finally succumbed to the relentless interrogation of Republicans. Though she never spilled the beans concerning her knowledge about the Bush Administration's use of water boarding, she has now...
Read full storyFrance's First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy To Tour With U2
PARIS - Bono has just announced that the First Lady of France, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has agreed to be their opening act on their upcoming Carribean Island tour. The tour which will cover 29 cities in 29 days is being billed as "The We're Not Afraid...
Read full storyCanada's Peter Mackay has Mr. Potatohead moment on Can-Pak policy
OTTAWA, CANADA: Canadian Defence Minister Peter Mackay flew to Islamabad and promptly put his big gumboot in his mouth when he announced that Canada is "considering lifting an 11-year ban on arms sales to Pakistan". Unfortunately, his "I'm-so-imp...
Read full storyKiefer Sutherland Regrets Head-Butt, Says He Had His Head UP His Butt!
Kiefer Sutherland says he regrets his recent head-butting incident. In an interview before reporters from several publications, Kiefer Sutherland says he regretted his famous head-butting incident a couple of week's ago. "I had my head up my ow...
Read full storyBrown to Return Brass Neck!
Gordon Brown, Prime Minister & Best friend of NuLabour Minister Ed Balls, you know the one, responsible for dumbing down, poorly educating, rewriting history & perverting the mindset of schoolchildren was today under intense pressure to call...
Read full storyBNP Securing British Right To Swindle Public
The British National Party last night stated that it was waging a war on 'the growing menace of fact based politics in Britian.' BNP Spokesman Quentin Parker sent out a press release stating that "in the BNP we have noticed the gradual erosion of...
Read full storyMan Injured After Walking Into Local Bar
A man, a quite annoying man actually, with a lot to say, though often is just repeating himself, injured himself today after walking into his local bar. It was a metal bar of course! You see, what happened was this, this man was struck on the h...
Read full storyMonumentous astrological aspects for Chevron AGM 'Gunfight at the OK Corral' wannabes
San Ramon, Ca - (Big Oil Mess): Wednesday spells Doomsday for Ecuadorean mobster conspirators Trillium Asshole Management in their sudden death shoot-out challenge at the Chevron AGM. The day's stupendous Jupiter-Neptune conjunction occurs at...
Read full storyChristian Gets Cross
43 year old hospital blood collector Helen 'lust bucket' Digby was today thinking of resigning from her job after being told by hospital bosses that she could not wear a crucifix round her neck due to 'fear of infection.' Mrs Digby told this repo...
Read full storyMichael Jackson to stand in East Cheam by-election
Pop singer and child welfare expert Michael Jackson today said he was going to stand as a candidate in the forthcoming East Cheam by-election, brought on by the resignation of current MP, Sir Henry Porcine-Trofflehurst. When asked what policies he...
Read full storyColtrane and disdain go hand in hand
Robbie Coltrane, Scotland's favourite funnyman, has revealed the hurt and embarrassment that his ample frame has attracted. He tells the story of how he visited his local Doctor a few years ago and was surprised how disdainful his medical adviser...
Read full story'The Twelve Essential Expenses For MPs'
'On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love claimed for me - Twelve race horses running, eleven gourmet dinners, ten evenings in casinos, Nine antique dolls' houses, eight chauffeured limos, seven crates of champers, Six boxes of Havanas, five, go-o-old, seats at Olympic committees. Four call-girl babes, three French holidays, two white mink coats, And a night out avoiding Hazel...
Read full storyPrince Philip to attend BNP garden party
Prince Philip today attended a garden party held by the British Notbritish Party, and told them to 'toughen up their ideas about Pakis and slitty-eyed Chinks'. The head of state's husband, wearing his carefully-pressed Nazi uniform, had stopped at...
Read full storyRoad to nowhere: Labour's 12 year-old rule goes under the sea
Twelve years of Labour government swiftly went below the surface of the sea today, and left many of their MPs struggling against a tide of derision and resentment. 'It were awful', said part-time embezzler and full-time liar Hazel Blears, MP, 'one...
Read full storyOscar De La Hoya Finally Confesses
LOS ANGELES - Champion boxer Oscar De La Hoya finally admitted that he is reality slut Daisy De La Hoya of VH-1's trashy "Daisy Of Love." Fin Dickers of Reality Star!Magazine fessed up to Daisy's true identity who has always claimed that Oscar i...
Read full storyIs Susan Boyle's Boyfriend Breaking Her Heart?
According to several reports on the internet lately, Susan Boyle's love life has hit a snag as the man she loves, 66-year-old, Helmut Glaser from back home has no plans to marry at the present time. Boyle apparently met Mr. Glaser, a German immigr...
Read full storyArchbishop voices Church fears
The Archbishop of Canterbury has warned that the 'systematic humiliation' of Church of England leaders is a threat to his own massive bank account. Speaking from his local Conservative Party office, Dr Rowan Williams - a doctor in ridiculous beard...
Read full storyDrogba Addresses UEFA and Europeans on Chelsea vs Barca Match
Friends, Europeans, soccer-lovers, lend me your ears. The evil that referees do lives after them; The bad decision is oft interrèd with the matches. So let it be with Ovrebo. The noble UEFA Hath told you Ovrebo was right. If it were so, it was a grievous fault, And grievously hath Chelsea FC paid for it. For UEFA is an honourable body, Here under leave of UEFA Come I to speak in Ch...
Read full storySwine 'flu catches apostrophe flu
In a complication to the widespread lack of panic or even interest in Britain over the media obsession with swine 'flu, a new outbreak hit the country today, one of apostrophe flu. Said Dr' Mengele O'Goebbels from his government-funded laboratory-...
Read full storyTruth revealed about BNP leader's invite to Queen's garden party
It has been revealed precisely why Ron Nazsti, the leader of the BNP, has been invited to the Queen's Garden Party at Buckingham Palace later in the year. There was initially public outrage that Mr Nazsti should receive an invitation, leading, as...
Read full storyEven Joe Biden's Roof Leaks, Says C.I.A.
WILMINGTON, DE - Vice President Joe Biden's home in Wilmington has been temporarily boarded up by order of the Delaware Department of Health and Safety. When Service Pro Masters' on-call technicians were dispatched to the Sorghum Hill Road residen...
Read full story10 Reasons Why Asian Ladies Are Worse Than Western Women
1. Asian ladies know that they are superior to mere men in all facets of life and expect to be treated accordingly. 2. Asian ladies do not want equality; they demand control. 3. Asian ladies have femininity in spades. They know all the tricks and enjoy using them. A passing smile can reduce a man to a blithering idiot in nanoseconds. 4. Asian ladies pay a lot of attention to their appeara...
Read full storyAre Dick Cheney's 8 Years and 15 Minutes Up Yet?
CHICAGO - Morning radio talk show host Van "The Man" Manzoni has just been named "The Best Radio Talk Show Host" in the entire state of Illinois." Van who has been on the Windy City's KBLO for seven years won the honor thanks to his daily radio se...
Read full storyU.S. Bars Told To Stop Serving Tequila
ALBUQUERQUE - In a move that can only be categorized as unprecedented in nature, hundreds of American bars are no longer serving Tequila because of the swine flu fear. Humberto McDakota president of The United States Bars, Lounges, & Bistros B...
Read full storyUK Suffers Motile Sperm Shortage
Thousands of British women have been fleeing John Bull's island because the British males are, well, less than John Bullish, so to speak. Studies of British male virility have revealed that the British boys have lost their spunk. Ladies of the co...
Read full storyCheney Hospitalized for Believing that His Opinion Still Counts
Former Vice president and really bad shot Dick cheney has been confined to the psychiatric ward at the Douglas Mac Arthur Military Hospital for the Militarily mentally Insane. Cheney, who cannot seem to keep his mouth shut after practically ruini...
Read full story"Three Pigs" MP Margaret Moran of Luton South
British press has begun to call MP Margaret Moran, "Three Pigs" because of her taxpayer financed houses thrice! Moran exploited British taxpayers three times to provide her with a house of straw in Strawberry on Shortcake, a house of sticks in Southi...
Read full storyPolitical suicide is better than actual suicide.
A perfect place has been found for all of those MPs who have decided to end it all. The moat at the centre of allegations is the perfect place to die. One MP who did not want to be named said, "Well the horse shit has hit the fan for sure. We MPs...
Read full storyInterview with Bishop Gene Robinson, first gay bishop
Interview with Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop. Question: Do you believe in the Bible. Answer: Yes, on Sundays. Question: What about on other days? Answer: On other days I am so busy with the gay movement and other issues that I do not have time for the Bible. Question: The Bible says that "In the beginning God created Adam and Eve...not Adam and Gene..." Answer...
Read full storyObama keen on Palestinian state, Israel less keen
President Obama began perhaps his most difficult diplomatic mission so for by suggesting that Israel stop being a bunch of pricks and let the people of Palestine have their own state. The White House talks have been billed as a discussion over...
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