Road to nowhere: Labour's 12 year-old rule goes under the sea

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 23 May 2009

image for Road to nowhere: Labour's 12 year-old rule goes under the sea
The South won't rise again. Thanks to Hazel. And Ian. And ...

Twelve years of Labour government swiftly went below the surface of the sea today, and left many of their MPs struggling against a tide of derision and resentment.

'It were awful', said part-time embezzler and full-time liar Hazel Blears, MP, 'one minute I was walking along beach with me expenses forms in me 'and, in case of emergencies, like running out of caviar, next minute sea came rushing in. Tide were so strong I lost not only my forms, I even lost me deposit!'

And another Labour MP, Ian Gibson, who stole a flat in an open and well-documented illegal fraud, added: 'I don't mind a bit of water, it's like swimming in a sea of champagne, which I do every day on taxpayers' money. But this sudden, well tsunami of voters' hatred and ridicule has shown me up as exactly what I am - a piece of pondlife that can't survive in a harsh and strong sea of public opinion.'

Some scientists had long predicted Labour rule to go down under the sea, like an American President without an autocue, and Conservative leader David Cameron was quick to spot the bright side of so many 'socialists' in deep water.

'Maybe people will forget about Tory sleaze now', he said, in that irritating Tony Blair voice that lead to Mr Blair himself being harpooned by the British public, 'or maybe the British aren't as dumb as I like to think they are. The Conservative Party has been at sea ever since Margaret Thatcher resigned. Might as well get my swimming trunks on now. And get my waterproof bike out.'

With Labour swept out into the ocean, the Tories already half-drowned, and the Liberals being a downright feeble embarrassment, like fish out of water as MPs, it was wondered who could fill the power vacuum at the Palace of Westminster.

'Who cares?', Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond said from Edinburgh, 'the Union is heading into the sunset anyway. Parliament is nothing more than a massive criminal fraud now, and irrelevant to the people of the United Kingdom. Don't vote is my advice, or move to Scotland. We have different ways of dealing with thieves and con artists, and it doesn't involve electing them as MSPs!'

Hazel Blears and Ian Bishop, et al, are so terribly, terribly sorry - for stealing your money. That helps. In China such actions lead to the guilty simply being executed by firing squad. Wonder why Labour MPs never go on 'fact-finding' holidays to the People's Republic of China? A perfectly safe place to visit if you're honest and lawabiding.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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