43 year old hospital blood collector Helen 'lust bucket' Digby was today thinking of resigning from her job after being told by hospital bosses that she could not wear a crucifix round her neck due to 'fear of infection.'
Mrs Digby told this reporter that she was 'gob smacked and flabbergasted- in that order' by the hospitals policy of thinking about the health of patients before matters of fashion or faith.
She told me "I have been a Christian all my life... and for what? What does the promise of an afterlife or helping the sick or the love of a prophet really amount to when i can't wear this piece of metal around my neck? Ever since this issue was raised i have been passing through the long dark night of the soul, utterly bereft of hope or the milk of human kindness. If they continue to insist upon a crucifix free workplace i may very well have sucked up my last piece of infected blood from an old mans arm."
Hospital bosses were unrepentant, saying: "this is only an issue of fair play and common sense. Jewelry pick up germs and any form of neck jewelry poses serious health and safety issues for our staff."
The vicar of Mrs Digby's local church told this reporter that: "this is indeed a very serious issue in our dark modern times. Do these cretinous hospital bosses not know that without wearing a crucifix a Christian can lose their faith in up to 24 hours? It is imperative that this lady be allowed to hold Christ to her bosom as often as possible. Without it she may well forget about Christ and the 10 commandments and start fornicating and devil worshipping and all wicked manner of debauchery...just the thought of it makes my man-udders moist with sin."
Jesus Christ was unavailable for comment last night on the issue. But his silence says it all really.