WILMINGTON, DE - Vice President Joe Biden's home in Wilmington has been temporarily boarded up by order of the Delaware Department of Health and Safety.
When Service Pro Masters' on-call technicians were dispatched to the Sorghum Hill Road residence regarding "damp carpet" and a "musty odor," they say they were expecting a routine light flood damage situation. Instead, what they found was a nightmare. And a disaster waiting to happen.
"Man! As soon as we walked in the door, you could smell it," explains lead technician Rick Garcia. "You could tell it had been damp in there for a while. The ceiling was buckling because water had leaked into the attic. In some places, it was so full it was just about ready to burst. It was all slowly trickling down, all through the house. It's like, everywhere you went, water was dripping, in every room. I saw something almost this bad once, but..." He trailed off, shaking his head in disbelief.
Garcia says that, upon closer inspection, he discovered Biden's aquarium was also leaking, as was his waterbed. He says he started looking around the house for even more leaks, and he found one in the kitchen. Not the blender Biden had used to make a smoothie earlier that was now seeping pink juice onto the counter. No, this one turned out to be a gas leak. A pretty serious one.
"It's like this cold chill came over me," recalls Garcia. "I realized I could feel myself starting to sort of 'fade out', you know, from lack of oxygen, so I started running for the door, yelling for everyone to get the hell out of there!"
Thankfully, nothing serious came of the incident, though Vice President Biden was harshly scolded by a fire chief for smoking shirtless near the entrance to the house only minutes later. The C.I.A. has not ruled out foul play, but are laying odds Biden has merely "let the house go."
Authorities say Biden will not be allowed to live on the premises until all leaks have been properly contained.
