PARIS - Bono has just announced that the First Lady of France, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has agreed to be their opening act on their upcoming Carribean Island tour.
The tour which will cover 29 cities in 29 days is being billed as "The We're Not Afraid of No Stinkin' Bermuda Triangle Tour"
The U2 frontman said that they had originally signed Beyonce but she changed her mind when she found out that she would be the opening act instead of the featured act.
Bono said that it was a case of 'Musical Egotitis.' He explained that the same thing happened last year with Britney Spears and the year before with Madonna.
Carla's husband French President Nicolas Sarkozy is thrilled that his wife will be touring with U2, especially after he found out that she will be paid $2.8 million.
The 41-year-old first lady of France, who goes by the nickname "CBS," has dated some well-known men in her past including Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton, Joaquin Phoenix, Andy Dick, Clay Aiken, and Wolf Blitzer.
U2 guitarist Edge said that he can hardly wait for the tour to start because he loves to cook and he knows that over the years Carla has acquired some excellent French cuisine recipes from Bridget Bardot, Coco Chanel, Cyrano de Bergerac, Tony Parker, and Inspector Jacques Clouseau.
U2 will open its tour on June 3, at The Laurel and Hardy Arena in Bermuda. That is the same arena where the Beatles opened their 1966 Tour. But back then the arena was named The Hardy and Laurel Arena because of a sign misprint.
The arena holds 17,000, and that night police ended up arresting 16,000 fans for everything from second-degree unruliness to public intoxication, and possesion of drugs to third-degree unmitigated fornication.
From Bermuda U2 will go to Nassau and perform at The Abbott and Costello Coliseum, before flying to Barbuda and performing in The Benson and Hedges Palace (where cigarette smoking is still allowed).
Other concerts will be held in Tobago at The Weapons of Mass Destruction Speedway, in Trinidad at The CoconutDome, in Saint Vincent and The Grenadines at The Grenadine Garden, and in Saint Croix at The La Quinta Motel Parking Lot.
In related news. Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has flatly denied the salaciously lascivious rumors about her and The New Orleans Saints football team.
