Jonas Brothers To Star In Remake of Beatles' "A Hard Day's Night"
WYCKOFF, New Jersey - The Jonas Brothers have just signed to star in the remake of the 1964 Beatles movie, A Hard Day's Night. The film's director Francisco W. Hoopitus stated that he paid United Artist $30 million for the film rights. When ask...
Read full storyGov Schwarzenegar said to be softening on Prop 8
"Governator" of California Arnold Schwarzenegar, a longtime proponent of the controversial Proposition 8 legislation has been rumored to "Be going light, if you know what I mean," according to a source close to state administration. In order to cl...
Read full storyPaedophiles to be deported from Earth
Soham, England - Child protection agencies have come up with a new scheme to stop paedophilia for good. All paedos, once committed of an offence, will be deported from the UK. And, since no other country will take them in, they will be asked to...
Read full storyPalin Defends Prejean, Would She Pose Also?
Sarah Palin now defends Carrie Prejean's nude photos, right to free speech. "The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against Miss California's Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable," Sarah Palin said in a released statement.
Read full storyGerman Tanks Rumble Into Poland
Reports coming in this evening state that German tanks are flooding into neighbouring Poland at an unprecedented rate. The current invasion stems apparently from Polish migrant workers who upon returning home have taken a keen interest in tropical...
Read full storyFormer Cheers "Cliffy" Gets Restraining Order For Ex-Girlfriend
According to AOL, John Ratzenberger is afraid of his ex-girlfriend who he states has been threatening him "country-music style". In court papers, Ratzenberger claims his "Loretta Lynn/Tammy Wynette" has alluded in the past that she would channel r...
Read full storyBeauty Pageant Official Quits Over Trump's Decision
Former Miss USA Shanna Moakler has resigned as co-executive director of the Miss California USA pageant Wednesday, saying she no longer believes in the organization because of pageant owner Donald Trump's decision to let the state's controversial tit...
Read full storyMajor Phil Packer inspires Con-Man to emulate his superb effort!
Con-Man, blackmailer, extortionist and general, very evil slimeball, Archie " The Whistler" Stubbs was so uplifted by the efforts of Major Phil Packer who, walked the marathon in a gallant effort despite being virtually sentenced to life in a wheelch...
Read full story'Eclipse' Movie On Hold Following Allegations Of Plagiarism
Hollywood Ca - The latest movie instalment of the Twilight series has been put on indefinite hold until accusations of plagiarism against author Stephenie Meyer are satisfactorily resolved. The accusations stem from a former college roommate of Me...
Read full storyWanda Sykes To Appear Nude In PlaySista Magazine
CHICAGO - Wanda Sykes, the comedienne who brought the house down at the recent White House Correspondents' Association Dinner will be appearing in the June issue of PlaySista Magazine. The 45-year-old Sykes, who is widely-known for her brusque com...
Read full storyGokey Goes - Viewers Eliminate Him From American Idol
HOLLYWOOD - The 'Three Amigos' are now down to two (dos). In what many felt was a huge surprise, Danny Gokey who was favored by many to be the eventual American Idol winner was sent on back to the town that Schlitz Beer made famous Milwaukee. So t...
Read full storyBritain "Equality Bill" Demands BBC Radio Broadcasts for the Deaf
(DALLAS, USA) -- An anonymous member of Britain's Conservative Party revealed today that Britain's proposed Equality Bill will require the BBC to "allot radio time -- commensurate with the percentage of deaf citizens -- to feature broadcasts for the...
Read full storyKatie Jordan Price - Another Man Involved Shock
Quelle surprise! - Breaking news suggests that uber-breasted topless model - cum - girl-next-door A List celeb Katie Price aka Jordan has been touting her wares with equestrian instructor Andrew Gould, 28, who had a chart hit in the 1970's with 'Neve...
Read full storyJacqui Smith Bans USA's Peter Griffin
(DALLAS, USA) -- In a Parliamentary meeting Thursday, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith extended her ban of outspoken Americans to include Sir Peter Griffin. Griffin is the bigoted, far from politically correct, lead character in the America's animated tel...
Read full storyWhen I'm Cleaning Windows
In the wake of the accident at the Microsoft campus where a window cleaner George Payne was rushed to hospital in Redmond, Washington, Microsoft have acquired the copyright of an up-to-date version of George Formby's song "When I'm Cleaning Windows"...
Read full storyPM Brown explains expenses rort: Gov't broke
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown today made a formal statement in parliament affirming what every pundit in the press has been saying for a fortnight: Government of the people, for the people and by the people is officially dead. Mr Brown elabo...
Read full storyAliens Refuse to Land Until Earth Cleans up Space Junk
Aliens from the planet Nebula are the latest to issue an ultimatum to the leaders of Earth: "Clean up your act or else!" The ultimatum comes after several near misses and a UFO collision with a Volkswagen sized hunk of junk in the skies over New...
Read full storyDick Cheney files Friend of the Court Brief in ACLU case to release new torture photos, carrying on a family tradition
Washington, D.C. - In a surprising mix of the strangest bedfellows yet, lawyers for Dick Cheney filed a friend of the court brief in the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)'s case today to get the new torture photos of detainees in Iraq and Afghani...
Read full storyKatie and Peter back together again
In the heady world of showbiz, nothing is static, especially a sentence like this. In a dramatic turn of events, it seems that Katie and Peter have cancelled their plans for their separation and are joining up again. Er. Hold on, no, it seems t...
Read full storyMorocco Takes Time to Improve Expectations
Morocco has come under heavy criticism from some quarters today after controversial plans were unveiled to reduce the number of seconds in every minute to a meagre 56 within the next 6 months. In an unconventional attempt to increase the country'...
Read full storyEx-KKK grand wizard discovered hiding in Austrain incest nutter Fritzl's tunnel to Vatican
Salzburg, Austria - (Dungeonmaster Ass Mess): Former US presidential wannabe and ex-Ku Klux Klan grand wizard David E Duke has been cornered by police deep inside an Austrian tunnel linking Amstetten incest nutter Joseph Fritzl's torture dungeon to t...
Read full storyArsene to face tough questions at supporters meeting
Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal Manager is poised to face tough questions at the upcoming Arsenal Supporters Trust meeting. The meeting which cannot be held on school night comes on the back of another meagre season for the nicest passing footabll team...
Read full storyNoddy Leaves Big Ears Following Gay Romp - Moves In With 7 Dwarfs
We're hearing that Noddy walked out on long time partner Big Ears last night following a blazing row over a party attended by the hitherto inseperable couple where it was alleged that Noddy disappeared with Postman Pat and Bob the Builder for a drug...
Read full storyShock Macmillan Revalation
The Conservative party was thrown into turmoil today when it was revealed that famed former Tory leader Harold Macmillan was the first person to advocate milking the public purse. Parliamentary correspondent Ben Downing-Street revealed that the fa...
Read full storyA meagre merger emerges!
Bosses at the world biggest car makers are considering a radical new scheme in a last ditch attempt to return to making poorly built cars that handle like overladen boats in a force 9 gale. They have watched in shock and awe as Gordon Brown and Alist...
Read full storyWorld's Most Pungent Fart - Culprit Sought
At approximately 15:03 hours BST, an unknown person dropped what can only be described as the world's most pungent fart in London's bustling West End. It is thought that the fart was released between Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square, before enc...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan, Rob Pattinson, Miley Cyrus, Brenda Song, Vanessa Hudgens, and Johnny Depp In Studio Free-for-all!
Hollywood Ca - A TV studio audience and millions of daytime TV viewers were left aghast when a gang of teen idols and Johnny Depp became embroiled in a mass brawl on live TV. Studio security guards were quick to intervene, but not before blood had be...
Read full storyNew Expenses Row
The House of Commons was gripped by a new row today as an MP tried to claim expenses on his repaid expenses. Details are sketchy at present but it seems that the MP in question had used a little used loophole known as miscellaneous expenses. Po...
Read full storyUK Politicians United By Star Trek Project
In a move not seen since the dark days of World War Two, British political parties united in their desire to see the TheSpoof.com's Star Trek extravaganza collaboration conceived by BuckwheatsButt and championed by Jalapenoman The Movie to be produce...
Read full storyMore Trouble over Free Welfare Cars in Massachusetts As Uninsured Motorist Kills 14!
Boston,MA/ Boston Globe Almost Final Edition - Governor Deval Patrick, sponsor of the now infamous free welfare car program, came under additional fire today from taxpayer groups after a car recipient was involved in a road rage incident taking the...
Read full story99 Percent Of American Children Live Below Poverty Line
Washington,D.C. - 99 out of 100 American children make less than the wage of $10,400, considered to be the threshold of poverty for a single person. Most actually have to beg other people for food, money and clothes. This grim picture was painted...
Read full story99% Prohibition To Be Made Law In September
Every drinker's nightmare will become reality from the 1st of September as Gordon Brown's floundering government impose 99% prohibition on the British public. On the last day of August, pubs, clubs, and restaurants will serve their last drinks. Su...
Read full storyNormal Contestant For Big Brother 2009 Shock
Producers of Big Brother have confirmed that, in a radical new twist, one of the contestants for this summer's tenth series will be completely normal. They are straight, happily married with children, work in an office, have no mental illness or othe...
Read full storyAs Hubble Is Upgraded Scientists Re-evaluate Most Distant Galaxy
As the Atlantis shuttle astronauts upgrade and repair the Hubble telescope, scientists are having to evaluate one of its most astonishing finds. In January this year the Hubble telescope spotted what was thought to be the most distant galaxy seen...
Read full storyRail Travel More Expensive Than Space Travel
A parliamentary sub-committe today reported that mile per mile, rail travel in the UK was more expensive than space travel on the space shuttle, and a good deal less comfortable, whilst being infinitely more unreliable. The UK rail network, curren...
Read full storyCartoon picture of Jesus in Danish Newspaper draws cries of protest
Rome - A homeless catholic has protested against a drawing of Jesus in a Danish newspaper depicting the Jewish king as a poor carpenter. The homeless man, who forgot his name ten years ago, first noticed the image three days after the newspaper...
Read full storyKCF To Sell 'Human Burgers' In Borneo
Leading fast food outlet KCF today announced that in line with their global policy of appeasing ethnic minorities by providing tailored menus, they are to supply human meat, or 'long pig' as it is known locally to cannibals at its Borneo branch. K...
Read full storyBNP break Party Election Broadcast rules
The British National Party finds itself in hot water today following a decision that it broke the rules governing Party Election Broadcasts. The rule in question states that political parties must not knowingly mislead the public. However in a...
Read full storyMillwall Open Ticket Office On M1
Supporters of Millwall football club will be able to buy their away match tickets en route to their destination from this week, after the opening of a special ticket office on the M1 motorway. The decision to open the new facility comes as a resul...
Read full storySwine Flu Epidemic Tests America's Readiness for 'Perfect Redneck Storm'
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Fire drills are a great way for kids to practice how to safely evacuate a building in an emergency situation. Most fire drills involve hundreds, even thousands of kids being emptied from a building in a mere 3 to 4 minutes, quite...
Read full storyMan Injured At Microsoft Cleaning Windows
A window cleaner has been rushed to hospital in Redmond, Washington, after being injured while cleaning windows at the Microsoft campus. A hospital spokesman said the cleaner was fortunate in that he fell on a soft area rather than the hard drive...
Read full storyMinisters husband swaps porn for music
The husband of Home Secretary, Jacquie Smith is continuing his long standing,some would say tedious, pursuit of a cure for his addiction to watching porn at the taxpayers expense. This time he has sought solace in the joy of music, in particular,...
Read full storyMunster's Alan Quinlan to Wrestle Mexican Lucha Libre During Rugby Suspension
Alan Quinlan nearl;y gouged out the eye of an opponent in the Hindquarters Cup of World Rugby and the Cup officials gave him a suspension. The World Wrestling federation and the mexican Lucha Libre League gace him top dollar offers. WWF scout an...
Read full storyAnne Coulter Reveals Source of Limbaugh's Nickname, Rush
Arch conservative regents Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter have been rumoured to be playing heads and tails games for months now. Late night meetings and early morning breakfasts have placed America's blondest and baldest far right wingers together with...
Read full storyPope Offers Vatican City as Palestinian Homeland
Pope Benedict shocked the world as his most blatant call for a Palestinian homeland took a surprising turn toward a welcome home. Arab states have used the Palestinian cause time and time again across the decades to rally Arab causes but none hav...
Read full storyAnonymous "His Grace" Admits to Waterboarding Gunga Din Drogba
An anonymous email from an address that called itself mypakimakeamewhacky to the Daily Male confirmed Didier Drogba's announcement that he's fcukin' 'is grace. The unknown author of mypaki has written detailed descriptions of the numerous late night...
Read full storyEva Longoria Parker tried for treason after being caught wearing Revlon products
Wisteria Lane - Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria Parker has been caught wearing Revlon products and tried for treason. Parker, 35, is contracted to Loreal for three years. Parker has a an air-tight contract with L'Oreal forbidding her to us...
Read full storyChapter 3:Morpho Relegated to Star Drek Duty But Rises to the Occasion as Freedom is Threatened by THE DARK SIDE!
Somehow, Morpho knew they would call him for THIS mission. He sensed the concern of THE FOUNDERS even as he luxuriated in the comforting confines of his gelatinous mass contained in a stainless steel storage case where he had been recharging himself since 1865 and the Quixotic mission of the Buggeral. Inherently he knew his entire existence had been leading up to this ONE challenging momen...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean's Spontaneous Boob Shots replaces "Sex on The Beach" cocktail drinks
London, England - Drinknation.com has just the changed the famous cocktail drink "Sex on The Beach" to "Carrie Prejean Spontaneous Boob Shots." All the ingredients are pretty much the same: 2 oz. Cranberry Juice, 2 oz. Orange Juice, 2 oz. Pineapple...
Read full storyPatrick Swayze diagnosed with rare form of Dancer
Colorado - It's been one year since legendary actor/heartthrob Patrick Swayzee, star of Dirty Dancing and Ghost, was diagnosed with Gold Digging Dancer, otherwise known as Kevin Federline Disease. Swayze is thought to have contracted the disease aft...
Read full storyMobile Phone leaves owner after allegations of abuse
Copenhagen, Denmark - In a world-first, a mobile phone called Nokia N73*, 2, left his owner on the weekend, after alleging the owner regularly beat and verbally abused him. Nokia alleges his owner, A. Citizen, adopted him from a mobile phone shop...
Read full storyVicente Fox, George Obama "Bromance" in Full Swing
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - Matt Damon and Ben Affleck practically invented it, Brad Pitt and George Clooney openly and publicly embraced it, while Lance Armstrong, Matthew McConaghey and Jake Gyllenhaal seem to be happy having merely experimented with it.
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