When I'm Cleaning Windows

Written by Kidney Stone

Thursday, 14 May 2009

image for When I'm Cleaning Windows
The Shoes Of A Window Cleaner - Always Clean

In the wake of the accident at the Microsoft campus where a window cleaner George Payne was rushed to hospital in Redmond, Washington, Microsoft have acquired the copyright of an up-to-date version of George Formby's song "When I'm Cleaning Windows" which Mr Payne had adapted for himself.

Mr. Payne likes George Formby's songs and reworded many of them for himself, but an official at Microsoft heard someone reciting the song with Mr. Payne's words and decided that with the use of Microsoft's brands in his song it would be better if Microsoft owned the copyright and made Mr. Payne a substantial offer - but would not disclose how much.

Microsoft were so overwhelmed with Mr. Payne's version they did what they could do obtain copyright and used the use of the company's brand as an excuse to support their side.

The reworded song still had the Formby touch but is quite appropriate with today's technology.

Mr. Payne agreed and can now retire from being a window cleaner and spend more time rewording lyrics from other comedians he likes.

It goes:

Now I go cleaning Windows
To earn an honest bob
For a computer whiz kid
It's an interestin' job

Now it's a job that just suits me
A Windows cleaner you would be
If you saw what's on a PC
When I'm cleaning Windows

Windows XP, Vista too
You'll have seen them nothing new
You'd be surprised what PCs do
When I'm cleaning Windows

In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
Protecting users from fraudsters
Who try to stay on top

The user dating on the Net
Looking for it you can bet
I'd rather have that than a pet
When I'm cleaning Windows

The web designer has a thought
A new domain he has just bought
Sticks his USB in the port
When I'm cleaning Windows

I know a fella, such a fool
He wastes his time, that's his rule
While he's about he looks so cool
When I'm cleaning Windows


DVDs lyin' side by side
Sexy ladies I have spied
I've often seen what goes inside
When I'm cleaning Windows

------ banjo ------

A female screensaver's been seen
She looks a flapper on the screen
It's more like flashing but it's clean
When I'm cleaning Windows

She pulls the clothes off down behind
Then pulls off her... never mind
It's amazing what rubbish I'll find
When I'm cleaning Windows


An old maid's profile goes online
She's so fed up, but that is fine
She's happy once she has seen mine
When I'm cleaning Windows

When I'm cleaning Windows

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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