Mobile Phone leaves owner after allegations of abuse

Written by Bluebella

Thursday, 14 May 2009

image for Mobile Phone leaves owner after allegations of abuse
Nokia is finally allowed to wear blue after leaving his cruel owner

Copenhagen, Denmark - In a world-first, a mobile phone called Nokia N73*, 2, left his owner on the weekend, after alleging the owner regularly beat and verbally abused him.

Nokia alleges his owner, A. Citizen, adopted him from a mobile phone shop in 2007. The brutal beatings began soon after. Citizen would come home from the pub in a drunken range at least three times a week and begin screaming and yelling at Nokia the moment he walked in the door. He would pick up Nokia and scroll down the menu to check for any text or voicemail messages. If there was no message, which was often, Citizen would curse and throw little Nokia violently against the wall. On one occasion he dropped the poor bastard in a glass of bourbon and the phone had to be taken apart and blow dried before its mechanisms would work again. Nokia was unconscious for 12 minutes and had trouble remembering numbers and messages for three days after.

After two years of unrelenting abuse, concerned neighbours finally called the police after hearing a strange noise coming from the flat. "It was a Nokia ringtone, I was sure of that," said the neighbour "but it sounded strange, almost like a cat being strangled. We were worried about that little phone, we'd seen him around the streets and he was a lovely little thing, always whistling tunes and wearing smiley face screen savers."

Police arrived on the scene to find Nokia smashed into three pieces onto the floor. He was rushed to a mobile phone repairer and Citizen was arrested.

While Citizen was being charged with domestic violence, the bruised and battered Nokia lay in a coma for an entire week before suddenly awaking to the sound of his own alarm. He returned to his residence the following day to pack up his belongings - his charger and instruction booklet, and left promptly after. Welfare officers accompanied him and instructed him not to speak to Citizen.

Since the arrest all expensive electrical items, including an IBM laptop, have been removed from the house and placed in foster care.

Nokia is currently being counselled and intends to lay charges against his owner.

It is expected that A Citizen will be banned from owning a mobile phone for life, and all other electrical items for three years.

"He got what he deserved!" said the neighbours "I would never treat my Samsung like that! BASTARD!"

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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