Every drinker's nightmare will become reality from the 1st of September as Gordon Brown's floundering government impose 99% prohibition on the British public.
On the last day of August, pubs, clubs, and restaurants will serve their last drinks. Supermarket shelves will be swept clean of all products containing alcohol, and booze Britain will effectively be no more.
The only legal outlets for alcohol products will be government run 'Drink Centres', monolithic buildings in town and city centres where alcohol sales at vastly inflated prices will be made available in a strictly controlled environment.
It would appear that the day of the binge drinker will shortly pass into the archives of history. No longer can we expect mass drunken brawls at weekends, teenage girls in micro-skirts flashing their breasts with drunken abandon on freezing winter nights, or tramps howling at the moon from park benches and churchyards.
But not everybody is gloomy about the future. Olive oil import/export baron, Sonny 'Big Job' Macaroni told us:
"There'll always be places where the punter can get a drink. We expect to buy a further three hundred olive oil trucks and invest heavily in basement properties. And tommy guns."
More as we get it.
